When Does Daddy Come Home?!

Going back to school!

2012-02-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

Okay so it's technically not school but I am going to be getting some training. Before I got pregnant with Judah I was eyeballing the CAPPA website (Childbirth and Postpartum Professionals Association) and fantasizing about attending births. Now that he's here and 4-months old (see pics at the end!) I'm more serious about beginning the training. I'm so fortunate that trainings happen right here, where I live, so no traveling or doing most of the work via DVD. In fact I've gotten to meet two board members of CAPPA and communicate with them on Facebook often.They're both Christians, too.

Ladies........ I'm going to become a doula! Specifically a postpartum doula as I cannot be a labor doula and attend births at the drop of a hat just yet. As a PP doula I can schedule visits with families so it is more ideal. I really want to support military families whose husbands are deployed, families giving up their baby through adoption and even stillbirth, as well as anyone in between. Postpartum doulas take care of the family after the birth with baby care, lactation education and also the mental/emotional state of the mother. There are many benefits to having a doula which I found to be best outlined at Birth Faith.

Doulas are not medical professionals. They're more like a guiding hand and they are not just there for the mom. Think back to the day when you brought your firstborn home and how you were anxious, nervous and thought you were doing it all wrong. The PP doula is that calm during the storm. We provide insight but never tell families what to do. It's almost like being a personal friend and birth/newborn encyclopedia at the same time. We provide information and the families take that information to make informed choices.

Part of my training will include lactation education (NOT a lactation consultant but I might work on that one later; trainings are several hundreds of dollars so I can't do it all at once). I do want to become a labor doula when my kids are older. Childbirth educator is also on my list of trainings to attend. In fact I'm kind of torn between childbirth education and the PP doula as my first training; I have to pick one.

When I was a child I always said that I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up... and a teacher. I just didn't know at the time that educating women on birth options was going to be the way I'd go. Amazing how we truly grow into ourselves as time goes on and we develop passion.

And now... Judah's 4-month photos!!!

His cute owl hat!

Always sucking and chomping on his fingers

Almost as big as his 2-year-old sister!

Chunky monkey!

He looks most like Elaina's baby pics!

I love how he holds his hands all the time!

4-months-old

"Yeah, I know I'm cute!"

Cutie patootie!

Busting at the seams!

Sweetest wittle face!!!

Nonna made the blanket; his middle name is Isaac which means Laughter

"You don't say!"

Just a happy pic of the happy boy!

Playing Catch Up!

2012-01-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

Right at this very moment Judah is laying on the Boppy in my lap. I have a burb cloth rolled under my breast to hold it at just the right spot for him and he's happily (and sleepily) nursing away. Baby is BIG. He wears 9-month clothing and he's only 3-months-old. I don't know how much he weighs right now but he was 13 lbs about a month ago. My mom-in-law constantly teases that I feed him buttermilk because he's so big. Just check out this nekid baby:

Even his rolls have rolls!

Judah loves ...
-Peek-a-Boo
-Itsy Bitsy Spider
-Um, TV. Truly his father's child!
-To suckle on his first and middle fingers instead of thumb!
-Sleep! He can nap all day and still sleep at night. We cosleep and I nurse him while we sleep so that might be why... best of both worlds! My only complaint is I feel super stiff when I wake up from not moving all night.
-To spit and blow bubbles. He almost always has bubbles all over his mouth. He can cover his entire top with drool if I forget a bib.
-Grabbing toys. He's been trying for a month but just this week he's gotten really good at it!
-MOMMY (and Daddy and sisters, too, of course)

I love the way he loves me. When Judah sees me nothing else seems to matter and he just stares, his eyes roving over my face. Judah is easy to calm. Usually I just talk softly to him and croon to him and he'll go from crying to "telling me all about it" in his little baby whines to tearfully laughing. He has the cutest pout ever! This is the first thing I've noticed most about having a boy after so many girls - how much easier he is to calm down. My girls would (and still do) carry on even long after being consoled.

"This bath is so wonderful, Mom!"

He has been very, very vocal! I didn't expect that he would be considering all my children have been vocal. I just assumed I finally drew the "quiet" straw but it is not to be. And I love it! He squeals, spits, yells, jabbers and coos. He has his quiet moments when he's intent on trying to grab a toy, which is another skill he's quickly picked up. He loves music and singing. I think he'll be musically inclined, like his dad! (Right now he's moved to his play mat and is yelling at the toys dangling down.) He can hit very, very high notes! Sometimes I call him my little Velociraptor because he sounds like the ones in Jurassic Park.

A few weeks ago I learned Judah is ticklish! His whole body tenses up and he lets out what appear to be uncontrollable laughs and he makes this face like, "How am I making these sounds?!" He also raises his eyebrows when something interests him.

Mmmm... fists!

What Judah is NOT doing is rolling over. He is absolutely and totally content to lay there and stare at his mobile, toys, etc. He can roll to his sides; he just chooses not to do it. And I'm fine with that. I've already got one rambunctious 2-year-old who gets into everything. I can wait a little longer for this little guy to start running around!

Cloth Rocks!

Still cloth-diapering and still loving it. Above he is wearing his new diaper from Wild Mountain Mommies. I did a trade with her; jewelry for diapers! I can get used to that!!! Her diapers are extremely well-made (she makes them herself) and are one of my favorite brands. I only have a few favorites - Blueberry, Sunbaby, Kawaii (especially their nighttime/bamboo ones) and Wild Mountain Mommies. I don't care for Fuzzi Bunz, Diaper Rite and many others that I've tried.

Goodbye!

2011-12-31T16:01:00.000-08:00

So most of you know I make hand-stamped jewelry and this holiday season I was absolutely and positively bombarded with orders. And now I'm on vacation and slowly getting new designs, charms and extras put together before reopening again in January (I WAS going to open back up right after Christmas but let's be real - I want to enjoy my kiddos and the festivities!).

2011 is coming to a close. Seems everyone is blogging about it and I've been wanting to come back here to post something so this seemed an opportune time. I got on VistaPrint last night to create a photo calendar (only $7.99!) and to order business cards. I took my 2011 calendar off the wall and started going through it to find birthdays to input into the new calendar. As I flipped through each month I giggled and remembered all the fun things we've done this year! I especially giggled at this date in April that said, "Baby is a GIRL" because, as we all know, Judah is definitely not a girl.

Our family of six - Christmas 2011

Probably the most obvious highlight was being pregnant and having a new baby. We found out we were pregnant January 11, were told we were having a girl at about 19 weeks but then found out at 29 weeks HE was just playing hide-n-seek. Judah Isaac was born September 25.

Judah is 3-months-old now! He wears 6-9-month clothes!

Elaina turned 6 this year and started first grade. She is very creative and loves crafts, writing stories and riding her scooter! One of the stories she wrote is currently at UMKC being studied by undergrads in elementary education. She's the only one in her class whose story is at UMKC; super proud Mommy moment here! Right now Elaina aspires to be a tattoo and makeup artist.

Elaina Boo, growing so fast! She put purple streaks in her bangs; love it!

Abigail turned 4 in March and started Preschool this year. It's a church preschool so she gets to sing songs about Jesus and learn about the Bible as well as practice writing her name, learning the alphabet, etc. She is super smart. I think she's going to be my little genius. She aspires to be a nurse and missionary; bless her tender, young heart! The other day she did some simple math equations with me, things she hasn't learned yet but just picked up on her own.

A nativity angel waiting to go on stage.

Zoë just turned 2 in October and is my little, petite firecracker. My mom is in Heaven, smiling (and cackling; just how she laughed!) and probably thinking I just got a dose of my own medicine. In other words my little pistol Zoë is as rambunctious and ornery as I was as a small child. She says the funniest things in her deep, raspy voice. The other night as I put her to bed I said, "You're silly, Zoë!" and she shot right back, "NO! You silly, Momma!" I don't know yet what she wants to grow up to be but I could see her as a singer, pianist/musician, teaching or playing sports or anything she puts her mind to! She doesn't like being told she "can't" and she follows me around the house as my little helper.

All prettied up with nowhere to go!

Wishing you a wonderful, prosperous and safe New Year!!!

GOODBYE 2011!!! Can't wait for 2012!

Come in and get your baby fix!

2011-11-12T00:37:00.000-08:00

Judah is 6-weeks-old! I had my post partum appointment this week and took him along. My midwife asked how much he weighed now and I told her I didn't know so she went and weighed him... he is a whopping 13 lbs 4 oz! At 6 weeks!

Chunky Monkey

Judah's awesome handmade shoes from Me and Reekie!

He loves to sit at the table with us!

The Four Musketeers

My beautiful kids!

Enough already, Mom!

Got some more cloth goodies in the mail the other day! You know you want to try cloth... look at how cute the diapers are!

Showing off his new robot-print diaper!

Some skin-to-skin in the Moby Wrap.

Rock on, Judah. Rock on!

He loves, loves, loves baths! He is so peaceful and content sitting in the warm water. For now... LOL! There will come a day he will act out in boyish ways.

My punkin' boy!

Zoë was upset she wasn't sitting right next to Judah. Judah looks like he's looking at her like, "It's going to be okay!"

War paint!!! This is what big sisters do to little sisters. She is roaring at me. Her roar sounds like, "Hiyaaaaaaah"! (Notice her cloth diaper; so cute!)

I'm so so so going to use this picture at her baby shower when she's having her own baby. I got lots of different shots and expressions. She was just walking around the house holding her belly (it's her favorite teddy bear under there)! Check out Abigail's awesome outfit in the background; my eccentric happy-go-lucky girl!

Chiro Care for Bedwetters

2011-11-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

Elaina got out of diapers in January 2008 at 2 1/2 years old. She was eager to learn to use the potty but we did have accidents along the way, as to be expected. Finally those accidents tapered off and were a rare occurrence. I even got her going to bed at night without a diaper.

And then it was time to start school. Months before starting preschool Elaina began peeing the bed. I chalked it up to having a new baby and a new school and just feeling overwhelmed. Those big changes can be scary to a 4-year-old! Her first day of school she barely noticed I left and she hasn't had a problem going to school even once. Her baby sister was born and she was ecstatic! So what on earth was going on..?

The past two years she has had extreme bed-wetting (sometimes multiple times a night), peeing in public, not being able to hold it, not being able to tell she has to go until the last minute. Our heads were spinning. We were good to not make a huge deal out of it except for (and I'll admit it) the occasional frustrated outburst which wasn't at her but at what might be causing her to have the problem. The doctor kept telling us it was a phase and she'd grow out of it.

Well it's not a "phase" and she hasn't grown out of it. In fact she has morphed into a child I don't recognize who is insecure and embarrassed by the wetting and lashing out in other ways. Finally her doctor referred Elaina to the children's hospital for testing, convinced she was just constipated. Except I got a note in the mail to schedule a follow-up for hypertension, not bedwetting or constipation.

Turns out that my daughter has been getting high blood pressure readings at three different clinics and no one bothered to let us know this; I happened to find out. Hypertension in children is serious and can lead to serious and even life-threatening conditions, such as heart disease. Dr. Google quickly became my enemy and I had to shut him down.

I decided enough was enough. I took Elaina to the chiropractor today. We were given a questionnaire to fill out and I asked Elaina to think about her body, from head to toe, and tell me anything that bothered her. She mentioned her right ear hurting... still. This is another issue I've been bugging her doctor about without any serious investigating as to why Elaina has pressure, pain and seemingly even hearing loss. They would check her ears and they'd "be fine". Obviously they're not a year, almost 2, later!

Okay anyway so I mention the ear problem to the chiro and come to find out - there is a spot behind your right ear that is directly connected to high blood pressure. She said she can see a hypertension person regulate their blood pressure when adjusted in that one spot. She felt Elaina's neck and behind that ear was a small bulge, like the size of a pencil eraser, that needed to be adjusted. Do you see the puzzle pieces clicking into place? A spot behind her right ear is out of alignment, causing pressure and pain in that ear and causing her to have high blood pressure which can cause bedwetting. Hmmmm... interesting!

Chiro also found her hips out of alignment, said she was constipated (she could feel it) and was able to adjust Elaina..

It may take around 6 adjustments to cure the bedwetting, maybe more or maybe less. Funny thing is that the chiro told me that after adjusting that spot on her neck, behind her ear, Elaina would be really mellow and even tired and possibly fall asleep because her elevated BP will stabilize. Well Elaina begged to go back to school after the appointment so I said, "Eh, why not?! She'll be there for two hours and then can rest at home." My child went to school and FELL ASLEEP in class and they let her sleep. And this is the first day in a long time that she really was mellow. It was amazing! It was like having my little girl back! Elaina kept exclaiming that she felt different, too.

I'm eager to share how things progress and hopefully if you have or will have this problem you'll be able to glean something from our experience.

Working from Home

2011-10-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

First I have to mention I reopened my hand-stamped jewelry shop, Joy Belle! I had closed it temporarily because of having the baby. As of yesterday we're back in biz. You can use the coupon code HALLOWEEN11 to get free shipping in the USA until November 1st!

And second I wanted to talk a little bit about working from home. And I bet y'all want to see my totally rad, cluttered work space!

My workroom (I have since gotten rid of the dog bed!). Work bench on the left, awesome shelf full of items I need at arm's reach, the pink thing holds my packaging supplies, the table itself is a catch-all for junk mostly and the dresser to the right holds more supplies.

In 2008 I got this creative itch. I needed to find something to do, for myself, as a stay-at-home mom. It is important to me to have creative outlets. I really didn't know what I wanted to do until I stumbled upon hand-stamped jewelry and thought I could do it! I figured up my start-up and started to buy the supplies. I had to factor in business cards, packaging and had a ton of tools and pieces to purchase. My start-up was several hundred dollars. I took a few weeks to order what I needed and I opened my first business on September 11, 2008.

Those plastic containers hold beads, stones and findings galore!

With any business you have to have money to start. There are supplies, advertising, website fees, etc. So if you do something do what you love or you'll be out a lot of money without any benefit when you decide to end the business because your heart isn't in it. And realize that you CAN take time to get your supplies together, whether days or months. Don't put yourself in debt trying to make money!

My work table is an antique "dry sink" because it is rock solid. I recently added the sewing bench so I can work sitting down (the pillow is on there because I was pregnant when I took this and needed extra cushion). I did paint the dry sink, too! It was maple wood and I painted it black and added pink glass knobs.

Now in the beginning this was more of a hobby. In fact my workspace used to just be the black piece (no bench). But this has evolved tremendously and I've really had to develop a head for business. I am customer service, technical support, editor, photographer, product lister, creator, packager, shipper, advertiser, designer... It is a full-time job!

My stamps. I stamp each letter and symbol individually onto metal.
Each box is a different font. The shiny silver sets cost almost $200 each. Invest in GOOD tools! Using high quality tools reproduces high quality product.

I think the hardest part in this is working with strangers and awaiting feedback. It is hard to have your work critiqued. This is an especially important time to have a good business head. Yes there is a personal aspect, especially when you're creating art. But in the end someone has paid for a service and should get what they pay for; it's what I expect as a customer to other artists.

I wire-wrap all crystals by hand.

Another hard thing has been pricing. This is a business and it's hard work but sometimes I'd feel bad for charging what I charge (I don't feel bad anymore; I find my prices to be more than fair while still giving myself some profit). You have to get over that and realize you are working and deserve to be paid for that work. You can't just give everything away. I had to pay for those $200 stamp sets somehow as well as other tools, had to pay myself for my time, pay for the packaging, pay for supplies and the shipping to receive those supplies, pay my website fees, etc. If you begin a business price things fairly so you are earning money, too!

The dresser in my work area holds some supplies but it's also storage for my scrapbooking and I hide gifts in here, too. It is an enormous, roomy dresser! Get creative when creating your workspace and use what you have.

So how do I do it? I have to break it up. I may edit pictures one day and work on orders the next. Then I may take a day to list the new items online. Another day I do inventory and order supplies. Some nights I just sit down with all those crystals and wrap them in wire while watching a movie. There's no way I can do everything I need to do in one day, especially with my little ones running around. Breaking it up is the only way I am able to do what I do.

Closeup of my actual workstation. Lots of tools! And I do periodically clean it up... ha ha! My chaos is actually an organized mess. I know where everything is at.

I do enlist the help of my kids. Elaina loves to cut out shipping labels for me! I think it's important to show them good work ethic. Most kids don't get to see their parents work beyond household chores. We have a toy hammer and Abigail was banging away with it, talking to her stuffed animal and saying, "I'm working! I'm making jewelry!" Made me feel good that I can be a positive role model!

How far have I come? This has been the most productive year by far. I am just now actually making profit three years after beginning. So it is also important to note to yourself that it can take time to make money, especially in a competitive line of work and if you have a lot of tools and supplies to upgrade. Advertisement is so important! If people don't know you're out there they will have a hard time finding you.

I mostly work first thing in the morning when my kids are happiest and most energetic (so they're busy playing and entertained) and when they go to bed. It may seem like there are not enough hours in a day but if you're passionate enough you will find and make the time to do what needs to get done.

My Top Tips:

1). Find something you LOVE to do that you can turn into a business.

2). Research, research, research. Find the best prices for supplies.

3). Take your time buying supplies, biz cards, etc.

4). Break up your tasks and make daily goals.

5). Price things fairly and make sure you're making some profit.

6). ADVERTISE
7). Find pockets of time to do the work and use that time wisely.

8). Create a cozy, comfortable and well-lit workspace. Mine is a work in progress and needs better lighting and storage but for now it works and is much better than it used to be!

Pics of Le Bebe

2011-10-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

Picture overload! Too tired to type anything of significance so I let pictures speak for me...

3-weeks-old
The many faces of newborn babies! I especially love the crazy-eyes on the top row and the little lip pucker in the bottom middle.

I'd say he's growing just fine!

While I'm distracted with baby my girls do this to the house...

Painting pumpkins... we'll be carving our really big ones tonight or tomorrow!

Zoë thought it was hysterical when I sat Judah in the corner of this chair and he stayed in a seated position!

And my little guy today; snoozing away!

My Thoughts on Cloth

2011-10-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have always been a very eco-conscious person. As a child I was taught the three R's - Reduce, Reuse and Recycle. My schools constantly beat this into our brains and it's something I've always believed to be important. We need to take care of our world. We have two big, blue recycle bins and I have a jug in my toilet tank (reduces how much water fills in the tank after a flush), I've been begging Daniel to put up a clothesline for me for two years now... and so much more.

So it only made sense that I'd be drawn to cloth diapering. However there are two main arguments about whether or not to cloth diaper - stop filling landfills with disposables OR use more water in order to clean cloth. I decided the latter was the lesser of two evils and finally jumped into the Cloth Diaper Bandwagon!

Initial washes in HOT to get them clean!

So first thing first - how affordable are cloth diapers? I've seen some diapers go for $20 apiece! However I got mine in an amazing bundle from SunBaby and didn't pay shipping. I got them for $6 apiece and that price included two inserts per diaper. Because I can reuse and reuse these diapers I'm getting way more bang for my buck, even when you consider the few extra bucks on my water bill. Not to mention these are so so so cute! They come out with new patterns all the time.

There are different types of cloth diapers, too, which I won't get into (pocket, AIO's, prefolds, etc.). I will just mention that mine are pocket diapers and they are one-size-fits-all (from newborn to 35-lbs). A pocket diaper is a diaper that you insert "liners" (AKA "soakers") into. I like this method because this means I can add as many liners as I need for added absorbency for overnight.

Some diapers have velcro, snaps or require pins. Mine are snaps. Because of this I do not dry my diapers in the dryer. I only dry the liners in the dryer (the big white rectangles you'll see below). I do not want to distort my snaps!

My detergent

When my diapers arrived I needed to wash them and "strip" them. This means I needed to get all the buildup and junk out of them from the manufacturer. I washed mine on hot three times for perfection (picture at top of page)! I used this detergent from Fuzzi Bunz featuring Rock'n Green. I will most likely continue to use Rock'n Green detergent. I've really liked it thus far! I also got the detergent shipped to me for free!

Hung them up to dry on extension cord

Once I had washed the diapers the initial three times I opened the washer lid and realized I didn't have a clothesline. Oops! I grabbed an extension cord and duct tape to jerry-rig a line. I loved seeing all my diapers hanging out! But a clothesline is a must. I'm getting this retractable clothesline for only $9 so that I can hide the line whenever I want. I will also get an outdoor one when it warms up again. I did toss the liners in the dryer and dried them as normal laundry.

All cleaned up and ready to go!

When I woke up the next morning my diapers were all dry and ready to begin using. I haven't used Judah's diapers on him yet (his are the stack on the left; he has double the amount of Zoë). So the pocket diapers have a pocket inside and I inserted two liners for Zoë. The diapers have lots of snaps so you can choose the best fit for your child, making these a one-size-fits-all, up to 35-lbs. Here's more information on the SunBaby page on how the diapers look and work.

Showing off her diaper!

During a diaper change I remove the diaper and remove the inserts. Then I toss everything in a "wet bag". I have a large one that fits your average 13-gallon kitchen trash can. So my wet bag fits in a trash can and I made sure to get a can with a lid. Contrary to how it sounds a wet bag is not actually wet. It just contains wetness. It won't contain a glass of water being poured into it but it will contain moisture from wet diapers.

If there is poop on the diaper I toss the poop in the toilet before putting everything in the wet bag. When it comes time to wash I throw everything and the wet bag itself into the washer for a cold rinse. This gets rid of any poo on the diapers and in the washer itself. Once the rinse is done I do a hot wash cycle with my detergent. Then I line dry the diapers!

So a lot of people have told me they don't want the extra laundry and to that I say - it's not a big deal. It's one basket every other day and you have to do it out of necessity or your child will be running around naked. It's so simple and your older kids can help pin up the diapers to dry. I don't fold anything - I just stack them. I think the biggest issue with laundry is the folding, not the washing and drying.

Here's a simple breakdown of my routine:

1). Diapers & liners separated at diaper changes and put in wet bag.

2). Dump contents of wet bag and the wet bag into washer.

3). Cold rinse.

4). HOT cycle with detergent.

5). Line dry diapers; can dry the liners in dryer if desired.

6). Stack for storage.

There you have it! Easy as pie! It may seem like a lot of steps but mostly it all does itself (no hand-washing, for instance). And to answer the question of smell and stains... we don't have stinky diapers or stains at all! And Zoë has had quite a few nasty poops on these diapers. I'm very impressed! Of course everyone has their own routines, their own diapers with special instructions, etc. so you may see others out there doing things differently.

A list of things you'll need (first three are necessary, the others are extras):
-A baby/child (ha!)
-Cloth Diapers (some people have a mix of many types)
-Cloth Diaper Detergent (can make your own)
-Wet bag for diaper bag (Sweet Bobbins on Etsy)
-Wet bag pail liner for trash can (also at Sweet Bobbins)
-Trash can for wet bag pail liner, preferably with lid
-Clothesline (indoor, outdoor)

Do you cloth diaper? Do you want to if you don't? Tell me what you think about it!

*A great resource for cloth diapering is AllAboutClothDiapers.com.

My Birth Playlist

2011-10-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I did a lot of things differently this birth than with my three previous births and one of those things was to have music while in labor. Daniel also brought his guitar but there never came a moment where he got it out to play. Having him near and close was most important. But it was still nice to have the guitar there just in case.

My husband built a playlist for me on his IPod to which I vehemently declined many songs and told him to add others, ha ha. We got $10 speakers at Walmart so I wouldn't have to have the ear buds in my ears and there'd be background noise for everyone. Here was my playlist:

1). Where You Go I Go by Brian Johnson
2). There is Nothing Like by Hillsong United
3). Drink in Deep by Jake Hamilton
4). Beautiful by Phil Wickham
5). Divine Romance by Phil Wickham
6). Already Over Pt. 2 by RED (when this one came on when I was in the water I jokingly said, "Okay it's time to be done! The singer is saying 'It's already over' so we need to be done!")
7). My Romance by Rick Pino
8). Deliver Me by David Crowder Band (another one that got giggles from everyone in the room because of the title and some of the lyrics; however after sitting in the water and listening to the lyrics I began to almost cry! Such an overwhelming, powerful situation to be in when having a baby!)
9). Coming Toward by David Crowder Band
10). Miracle Maker by Delirious? (my favorite song)
11). Driving Nails by Demon Hunter (no one understood but I love this song so even though it is a hard rock song I wanted it on my list!)
12). Dance With Me by Jesus Culture
13). Obsession by Jesus Culture
14). You Won't Relent by Jesus Culture
15). Mighty Breath of God by Jesus Culture
16). Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle
17). Light Up the World by Desperation Band
18). God be Praised by Desperation Band
19). Our God Reigns by Delirious?
20). Come Away by Jesus Culture
21). My Soul Longs by Jesus Culture
22). Awakening by Hillsong United
23). Obsession by Ian McIntosh

So there was my playlist! There did come a point when I tuned out the music or it would come and go in waves. And then came a point (transition - right before you get to the pushing stage) when I did notice the music and it was way too distracting during contractions. I'm the person who has to have absolute silence in transition when having a contraction. I can't handle anyone touching me, talking to me, suggesting things - it all distracts me from trying to breathe and relax my muscles (instead of tensing up).

I remember that when a contraction would start and I'd go from dozing to moaning was when my husband would pipe up and tell me I was beautiful and doing great and like the lovely lady I am I'd say, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...ut up!" or a quick "Sh!" I feel bad but I know now that if we have another baby to remember to tell Daniel that in between contractions is the time to tell me how I'm doing, not during, ha ha! Four babies and I'm still figuring out my labor style.

Do/did you have a playlist? What do you listen to?!

If at first you don't succeed...

2011-10-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

Try. Try again. And again and again and again. Persevere and don't give up!

That is how I would describe my breastfeeding relationship with Judah. After he was born I brought him to my breasts many times that first hour but he just wasn't interested. He was awake and alert but my big boy didn't seem to care about nursing just yet. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't going to click as quick as I would have hoped having just finished breastfeeding Zoë 6-months ago.Each child is unique and different - they will also breastfeed differently!

Three hours after he was born the nurse, who is also certified in breastfeeding, asked me how I felt about his nursing and if he was doing alright. I told her I couldn't get him to want to latch on. So with her help we finally got him snuggled at the breast for awhile. I felt a little better, especially as his latch was PERFECT. I felt absolutely no pain or tenderness whatsoever.

He has continued to latch on really well... when he decides to latch on. He does this thing where he'll latch on, break off, latch on, break off. It drives me bonkers, especially in the middle of the night when I'm fighting to stay awake and I'm engorged (that is such a weird word). After doing this little game for about 5-10 minutes he'll finally get serious and get down to business. Sometimes he eventually gets frustrated and sometimes he just has these big eyes and funny expressions.

He doesn't break off because of a fast letdown nor because he's waiting for letdown. He just does it no matter what is going on. I've tried multiple positions to see if it was the position bothering him. Nope. I've got people telling me it is probably just his personality or he's still trying to figure it out. Establishing a great breastfeeding routine with your baby can take up to 4 weeks. You're not broken, he's not broken. It takes time to get to know one another! Do not give up before 4-weeks!

Okay so at first he was doing pretty good other than breaking off a lot in the beginning of our nursing sessions but then came the hospital stay, the IVs, the medication, etc. and all hell broke loose. I cried and cried those first days at the hospital and coming home afterward. But I also determined that my baby wasn't going to have formula or a bottle. When the nurse brought in nipples to his room (for the pumped breastmilk) I told her I wouldn't need them... and I was right.

At the hospital he was still doing his latch-on-break-off routine but with a lot of tears and screaming. His IV was in the way (they strap their arms to stiff boards so they won't pull on the IV) and he was in pain. Then they gave him a medication that touted side effects like nausea, dizziness, etc. so on top of that he felt like crap. He was crying, I was crying. Somehow we made it work. I would express milk into his mouth and pump so I wouldn't lose my supply. I got as much into him as I could and that he would tolerate.

Our last moments at the hospital I told the nurse to take his IV out (they had stopped the fluids and had left the IV and board on his arm). I told her I wanted to nurse him without it before I felt comfortable going home because I felt it was helping to hinder our nursing relationship. The doctor agreed with me. They were all so wonderful at the hospital and really listened to me when I had a concern!

Judah nursed a good, long time with that IV board off his arm. But we still struggled with breastfeeding when we got home. He was sore and stiff (something a pediatrician denied - he told me, "All of the ordeal at the hospital is forgotten!" as though babies don't feel pain, stiffness, tenderness, soreness, etc. which is B.S.!). He was still on the medication that didn't make him feel well. The daytime feedings were going okay at home but once the evening hit Judah was back to being frustrated and having a hard time calming down to latch on.

Here's a bit of advice if your baby takes a binky - if your baby is too worked up to nurse just stop. Check their diaper, swaddle them, give them a binky and rock them until they calm down. Then bring them back to the breast. It worked like a charm for us! Some parents don't want their breastfed newborn to have a pacifier so instead you can offer a clean pinky finger (nail-side down) so they can suckle and calm down.

TODAY - at 2 weeks and 2 days old Judah is getting better and better each time we nurse. Thus far he hasn't wanted to nurse lying down (we're both lying down in bed) but last night he finally did it! That was a blessing to me because it was hard to sit up in bed and stay awake for 40-minutes at-a-time to feed him. If you can nurse lying down then you can both drift back to sleep without worry or fear of baby being dropped because you fell asleep holding them.

He's also latching on much quicker and not doing his weird latch-on-break-off thing as much. He is also refusing the pacifier more and really only likes it at night (which can help reduce the risk of SIDs, if you were not aware of that). I don't really care about the binky thing. It doesn't offer baby anything other than to help them fulfill their desire to suckle. It doesn't nourish him or fill his tummy so it doesn't really "confuse him". So whether he takes it or not is no big deal to me. I think he got into the binky more because of the hospital (they dip it in sugar-water for procedures to help calm baby) and I obviously do not do that at home. So as time goes on he seems to refuse it more and I don't offer it to him all the time unless he's really upset.

Breastfeeding - it can be so natural to some mommies and their babies and for others it can take time. Judah reminds me a lot of Elaina and I gave up breastfeeding her because she would arch her back away from my breast, scream when I tried to nurse her and pretty much fought the entire process. I know that if I had stuck with it and remained calm and nurturing she may have been a breastfed baby. I gave up when she was about 2-weeks old. I did pump for 2-weeks after that so she did get breastmilk for a month. Then, because of a misunderstanding, I stopped pumping as well. I thought you couldn't pump long-term and decided to just stop and go to formula. That is why it's SO IMPORTANT to have support! Whether you get it from your spouse, your girlfriends, your mom or aunt, La Leche League or other support group or just someone online - get the facts and stick with it. When in doubt ask around!

I know that for the many tears I've cried in frustration and fear while trying to nurse Judah it has been worth the struggle. Breastmilk is the perfect food for your little one and my desire for him to have that rather than formula is so incredibly strong. He hasn't starved or suffered - he's mostly gotten milk by me expressing it rather than him suckling... until now! Now he's getting it and he's doing so well today I am ecstatic.

Okay I have to add a picture to make this long post sweeter!

2 weeks 2 days old

Crazy First Couple Weeks

2011-10-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

These first 12 days of Judah's life have kept us on our toes, to say the least! Poor guy was hospitalized when he was five days old for uncontrollable bleeding. We were there for two days and one night. The hospital was wonderful and provided me with meals and a breast pump since I was breastfeeding my son, the patient (it's a children's hospital). However the whole ordeal and the blood-clotting medication they put him on had made breastfeeding very discouraging and difficult because he was weak and the med made him feel icky.

All boy!

I bawled my eyes out the entire two days we were at the hospital. He had an IV in each arm (they tape their arms to stiff boards) and he had vials of blood taken to check for bleeding disorders (they all came back normal, thank You Jesus!). It took five attempts over the course of an hour to get the IV's because of his little veins. He screamed and screamed. I had to leave the room twice because it took everything in me to not knock out the nurses, grab him and run. Of course I wouldn't and couldn't do that as he was in trouble and I'd rather he get help. But I couldn't stand the parts where they poked him. In fact, at discharge, they decided they wanted to get another vial of blood before we left and I put my foot down. I told them no more, he had enough (by this time he was so weak and worn out from the ordeal he was hoarse). It was something that could wait or not be done at all and that is another reason we said no.

Needless to say I didn't get pictures of him at the hospital; it was an experience I wish could be wiped from our memories. No one wants to see their baby this way. At least I could hold him, nurse him, etc. I know many babies don't get that and have to be in their beds. Or their parents just leave them at the hospital. I slept two hours total at the hospital with nothing to sleep in except a chair and I just held him.

He's very calm most of the time! This is him yesterday! We have been home 6 days since the emergency that required him to be monitored at the hospital so you can see how awesome he looks!

But things are turning around and he's been doing much better. He's nursing better and latching on absolutely wonderfully. What is going on now, though, is that he's lost a pound. He now weighs 8 lbs 2 oz and at birth he was 9 lbs 2 oz. At almost 2-weeks old he's supposed to be back at his birth weight or more. So his doctor is concerned and we're doing weight checks and I have to supplement his feedings. I nurse him and then I give him an extra 1/2 oz of pumped milk through a syringe feeding tube that he suckles off my finger.

The supplement system using tube and syringe taped to my finger. Pic taken tonight. He was sleepy and had his little fist by his face; too precious! He really loves doing this. I, however, do not!

So my baby is not sick, he does not have a disease and he actually looks absolutely fantastic (my midwife and his doctor have both said so as well as many nurses!). His doctor mentioned that babies that come in losing that much after such an ordeal look like little skeletons but he is round, chunky and happy! But we still have to get his weight back up. The goal is 1 1/2 ounces per day gained. Right now he's gaining at 1 ounce per day. Which is still really good, in my non-professional opinion!

Happy guy now!

My favorite picture from our photo-taking yesterday!

Zoë and Judah snuggling tonight! Her upper lip looks bloody but it's a scab from our walk yesterday in which she fell face-first onto the sidewalk... ouch! Then she got a runny nose and keeps rubbing it raw. Double ouch!

First bath yesterday! He absolutely loved it! Until he got out anyway...

So that is a quick update on us. Judah is my little snuggle bunny. He has been letting me sleep 3-4 hours at a time at night. He does sleep in bed with me. We spent his first week mostly in a glider or chair (my poor neck!) but now he'll lay down with me in bed for longer stretches that make it worth laying down, ha ha! I pretty much hold him all day. I am just soaking up this time. Before I know it he'll be Zoë's size, then Abigail's size... then off to elementary school, middle school, high school and beyond! It really goes by way, way too fast.

Keep praying he gains what he needs to gain, if you could! I appreciate all the prayers and support!

Post coming up on breastfeeding and how it was going and how it is going now. And a post about my post partum recovery! Yay, how thrilling!!!

Judah's Birth Day Story

2011-10-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

©AnneDurekaPhotography

Judah's feet!

The weekend of Judah's birth was absolutely gorgeous. We were finally out of the heat but it wasn't so cold that you needed a jacket yet either. Saturday, Sept 24 I kept having Braxton Hicks contractions all over the place but they were more intense than they had been. Still not painful but definitely noticeable. So after dinner we decided to go on a family walk to see if that would help things along.

We went on a gorgeous, cool walk under the trees. We went up and down some serious hills and walked for a long time. When we got home I definitely felt more pressure and lower back pain. When I went to bed that night contractions were about 11-minutes apart. I wanted to get good sleep if I was to go into labor in the middle of the night or the next day.

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Final belly pic!

Well when I woke up the next morning, on Sunday, I laid there for a long time, waiting and listening to my body. I only had one strong contraction and then nada. Discouraged I got up and started my day. Getting up was doing something, however. I was noticing the contractions were coming back and I could time them at 6-minutes apart for about 30 minutes and then they'd disappear for another half hour. It was really weird to have the contractions come and go like that but that is normal in early labor.

By lunchtime I had bloody show. I could have cried with joy! Up until that I had no sign of anything happening except the occasional contractions that would regulate and then stop. We sent the two younger girls to Poppy's house and grabbed some lunch at a favorite, authentic Mexican food joint. My contractions were coming back and were still 6-minutes apart and strong (still painless and could talk through them).

We called Cathy, our midwife and she told us it was up to us what we wanted to do. She said to come on over and hang out, see what was going on. So Daniel, Elaina and I got in the car and headed to the birth center. Daniel's mom and sister drove separately. His mom was going to be a helper with Elaina and his sister is a photographer! And I have to say that I loved having someone else do the photography so Daniel could be part of his child's birth instead of scrambling with the camera. It was really great!

We arrived at the birth center at about 1:30pm. When we got there we chose the room we wanted for our birth and I got an exam. I was only 2cm. Cue some crazy discouragement! I thought we were going home! Instead Cathy told us to go walk, walk, walk. The birth center sits in the midst of this wooded area, along with other businesses, but it was so quiet because it was the weekend.

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Come on contractions!

We went outside and walked in the wonderfully cool fall air, under all these beautiful trees! We walked and walked. I had the IPOD on so I couldn't hear anyone and could just try to relax and enjoy this time. I still kept getting really distracted so we headed back to the birth center where I paced the halls. Contractions were getting stronger and stronger. I had to stop when one would hit me. We were joking and laughing between them. My midwife would pop over from time-to-time and ask me how I was feeling. When I'd tell her they were getting painful she'd pump her fist and say "Bring it on!"

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Got in the tub later on...

We'd check on his heart intermittently and he was doing great. My next exam showed I was at 3-4cm so progress was being made. I felt better and continued to do my walking but I felt myself slowing down. Before I had been pacing ferociously but now I had to shuffle because of the intensity and discomfort.

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Later when I was in the tub; checking his heart with the doppler.

By my next exam (have no clue what time it was; maybe 1.5-2 hours since we arrived) I was free to get in the tub! I was surprised because I didn't feel that I was that far along in labor to be able to get in the tub (you have to be at least 5cm). I wouldn't have had the exams except that with all the sporadic contractions and needing to be far enough along for the tub I decided to go for them. That was the last exam that I was told how far along I was dilated.

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Daniel and I talking between contractions.

Daniel filled the tub and I got in. The water felt warm and great but honestly... the contractions felt the same to me as when not in the water. I'm not a huge water person anyway so I started to doubt that I'd actually have him in the water and I was fine with that. I stayed in the water for awhile, listening to music and trying to focus on breathing. Contractions were picking up and I was having a harder time with them in the water than I expected. Things started to get intense and hazy. I remember bits and pieces.

I knew Elaina was coming and going from the room. At one point I opened my eyes and saw the clock said it was after 5pm and I went into Mom-mode. "Elaina needs to eat dinner! It's past dinner!" but everyone assured me she had snacks and was doing fine, to not worry about it. Back to Labor-mode I went...

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Getting intense!

I remember my husband whispering to me, telling me I was beautiful and doing great. I also remember my midwife coming and sitting by the tub to add warm water and stir it in the tub for me. That felt good. It was just during contraction peaks that I wanted to jump out of my skin and run for the hills. When I started making noises during them, like moaning, I knew I was in transition and getting close to pushing. I kept trying to focus on my breathing and "breathe him down". The pressure was getting intense and I could feel his head getting lower and lower.

And for some reason I got scared! I kept thinking, "I don't want to push!" I knew the pain would be temporary but I still lost it and the fear came in. I had a really strong contraction and my water broke in the water. It was like a whirlpool jet stream and it startled me and actually hurt a little! I asked Cathy about that and she said it was like a balloon bursting under great pressure. Normally your water breaking doesn't hurt so that was very interesting to say the least!

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Time to get out!

I decided to get out of the tub after my water broke. The moment my feet hit the ground I waddled as fast as I could to the bed before another contraction could take over. I literally fell face-first onto the mattress as another contraction hit me. They helped me get on my side and Cathy kept suggesting getting on my hands-and-knees. All I could get out was "No!" What I really wanted to say was, "I'd love to but I just can't move!" LOL! When you're to this point it's hard to get the words out. The nurse was holding one leg up for me and I kept telling her, "No" so Cathy told me to grab my own leg as I would know what would be the best position for myself. Again all I could get out was, "No!" There was so much more going on than I could communicate. What I wanted to say was, "Something doesn't feel right! It doesn't feel right in this position..."

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Cathy checking on his heart.

Finally Cathy just had me get on my hands-and-knees and stopped asking. I was glad for that because I had a few people suggesting things and what I needed at this time was direction. I was losing it and needed that. When I got in the new position the urge to push overcame me! They got the birth ball somewhat under my chest. I even tried biting the birth ball during a contraction (which we all laugh about now!). I had my eyes closed but I remember opening them and seeing Elaina there, near my head, at some point. I got excited! I got excited that she was there and that he was going to be here in moments!

I pushed and I felt his head come through but I didn't feel that relief that comes when their head is finally out. Cathy got serious and said quietly but sternly, "Do not push until I tell you to push and stop pushing if I tell you to stop". I don't remember if I answered her with a nod or with words or at all. The urge to push came again and I followed that urge. Since I was on my hands-and-knees I couldn't see what was going on but there was a LOT of tugging and it felt like baby was spinning in a circle... but finally! His shoulders came free and he was born into Daddy's hands.

©AnneDurekaPhotography

My baby boy!

Daddy passed him up to me through my legs and I took my baby into my arms! His shoulders had gotten stuck, very stuck. But we got him out without a single tear to my girly parts and without hurting him! It was actually a really great thing that I was in the position that I was in because that is optimal for getting a stuck baby out. Praise God!

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Double-checking to make sure he was indeed a boy!

He was so peaceful and quiet after birth. He did cry a little and the sound was so beautiful.

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The oh-so cute beanie the center puts on the newborns!

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Big sister kept begging to hold him!

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Getting his weight; 9lbs 2oz

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Breastfeeding and checking him out.

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Looking at his dark hair!

After he was born and we were all cleaned up my midwife and some other ladies who work at the birth center partied! There were whoops and hollers out in the hall (I didn't hear them because the rooms are so sound-proof). Judah was the first baby born at the new birth center building! The center had been open for only a week. Cathy got pictures of Judah and put an announcement up on the center's FB page (with our permission of course). They hung an It's a Boy balloon outside the birth center, made us a BIRTHday cake and we drank a toast to our new baby.

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My birth team and our BIRTHday cake!

It couldn't have gone any better. What a beautiful day it was! I may have felt out-of-control at the end but I truly had control in my son's birth. I'm so grateful to have had a professional present because he did get stuck and I'm so grateful that she encouraged Daniel to catch his son (something I've wanted him to do). He was nervous but said it was the most wonderful and amazing experience to be the first to hold his baby and hand him off to his mother!

Judah is exactly as I thought he'd be - very peaceful and snuggly! He looks like I thought he'd look. I do have to catch myself sometimes; I've accidentally said "her" in reference to him. I'm so used to girls, ha ha! I still can't believe we have a boy.

He is here!

2011-09-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Judah Isaac graced us with his presence on Sunday, September 25, 2011 at 6:44pm! He weighed in at 9lbs 2oz and 21 inches long. And he's absolutely adorable!!! He was not named until after he was born. I had had a dream his name was Judah and shared the name with Daniel. We were torn between two names and going back-and-forth for weeks. I took a step back and really put it all on Daddy. What an honor to name his first son! After he was born Daniel knew Judah was the right name for our little guy and I couldn't agree more. I didn't want my dream to be the say-all for what we did; I wanted Daddy to choose.

Elaina was there for his birth! She was begging to hold him and finally got her chance about 1 hour after he was born. These beanies were handmade by refugees for the birth center babies! So in this pic we're hanging out on the birth bed (they have regular queen-sized beds with gorgeous bedding; makes you feel like a queen!).

We got home 4 hours after he was born! He slept the whole way home (about 25 minute drive). But he was noisy! He likes to squeak and squeal in his sleep.

Finally got a picture of him with his eyes open! He has dark, dark brown hair (almost black) and his eyes are still the murky newborn color. I think they'll end up being brown!

Meeting big sister Abigail! She told me, "I want to hold him forever!"

They fight over him! All three sisters want to cuddle him!

I adore this picture! The sheer joy on her face is so priceless!

Zoë has been having a time adjusting BUT is doing great. I think it is her age and not fully understanding that the baby is here to stay. She was very excited this morning when I walked into her room holding him, almost like, "Hey the baby is still here!" But then got upset when I wouldn't put him down and pick her up. She also looks ENORMOUS to me now!!! Before he was born she was so tiny and petite to me. Now she's so big.

Anyway the birth story is to come! I am waiting on birth pictures before I post!

How am I doing? I'm sore and tender. The after-birth contractions seriously hurt me worse than the labor contractions because they don't have an ascent and descent of pain (contractions will rise to a peak and then taper off). It's just one long, long peak of pain. I finally broke down and took some Ibuprofen, as recommended, tonight and feel really good right now.

Being able to go home right after birth has been a blessing. I was able to actually sleep his first night (he did wake but at the hospitals in previous births I couldn't ever fall or stay asleep and especially not comfortably). I was in my own bed, my own smells, my own surroundings... it was great!

Breastfeeding is going well. My milk has started to come in already and he's 2-days old. That has been a blessing! And he's latching on really well. It was rough at first because I stopped nursing Zoë only 6-months ago and I'm used to how she nursed. I've had to re-learn how to nurse a newborn and use all those different holds to find what position is easiest at this stage. But since this morning it has been going really, really well and I'm so relieved!

I'm off to steal Judah back from Daddy and nurse him or I may be up all night!

Quickest way to kill your child's self esteem...

2011-09-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

So I realized the other day that I was doing something detrimental. Something that I thought was innocent and done without much thought.

Let me start off by asking you how often your children have thrown a tantrum in public and you've fervently whispered to them, "EVERYONE is staring at you! Stop it!" because you're embarrassed and want them to behave?

I'll raise my hand! I've done that so many times.

I've even said, "Everyone can hear you throwing your fit!" when my kids are indoors throwing a fit. Beyond the desperation to end a full-blown tantrum I've also said things like, "Why don't you let me do your hair like that little girl?" or "See? I told you little girls like to wear that outfit!" I've pouted when my daughters have refused the hair style or the clothes, telling them, "Well other little girls like to do that"!

It dawned on me that I'm teaching my daughters to care what other people think about them and to judge them for what they wear, how they look and that those opinions matter. I'm also teaching them to look at others and judge.

Of course that isn't my true heart!!! I want my children to be confident in themselves and to not mind the opinions others may have toward them. Instead I should be encouraging their own creative efforts and trends (unless immodest in which I will protest and which is totally different - there are limits and as a parent I must set boundaries).

I think I've said those things because I want my kids to be confident and I thought that meant making them clones of other little girls who appear a certain way. Instead, in the past few weeks since the light bulb went off over my head, I've embraced each of my daughters' styles and have dropped the judgements. Not that I haven't ever embraced their personal styles because I have... but I've also heaped opinions on what they don't do and that isn't right.

Elaina loves more of the trendy clothes that are popular with kids close to the tween age (jeggings, leggings, Sketchers, skulls and graffiti, etc.). She also loves to do her hair very specific and unique ways! I love to see what she comes up with for her hair.

Abigail is my t-shirt and jeans girl (and she loves jackets!). She LOVES glitter, rainbows, hearts and unicorns. She loves her "Dorothy" shoes (as in The Wizard of Oz) and her silver dress shoes to dress up her t-shirt and jeans combo. The best part of Abigail's tastes include her eccentric socks. She can be wearing a baby blue shirt with shorts and throw on some orange and yellow candy-corn socks with her ruby red Dorothy shoes. And I've always loved that about her! She never lets me put her hair up, though.

Zoë loves dresses and skirts that are colorful; still getting to know her tastes as she's not yet 2 but she definitely loves clothes and shoes. If I say, "Let's get dressed" she gets super excited and goes to her closet. If I need her to wear something other than a dress I have to remember to say, "Let's go get your clothes on" instead of "Let's get dressed" because she thinks the latter means she is wearing a dress and that is that.

The worst thing we can do in killing our children's self esteem is to compare them to others and make them feel like their choices are not good enough. The best thing we can do to build their self esteem is to encourage their individuality and give them choices. (When it comes to modesty, however, it is a teaching opportunity to encourage them to value themselves and their private areas.)

Our words are powerful. Our children hear us and weigh what we say very carefully. Sometimes it may seem that what we're saying is innocent but can be very harmful to our growing babies.

♥

In other notes - I'm having contractions tonight and thinking tonight or tomorrow may be The Day!

I'm late, I'm late... for a very important date! - Updated with link

2011-09-20T17:04:00.000-07:00

Okay so I'm technically not late yet! But my due date is tomorrow with nary a labor symptom in sight.

Check out my ExpectNet online baby pool and input your guess in regard to baby and his birth info! Once he is born and I input the correct information the game will tally up your guesses based on a point system. The person with the closest guess to baby's birth date and weight, etc. will win a special prize from me - jewelry!

I saw this over at Hope Unfolding and just had to share because it may help you in your guessing!

How long were your labors?

Elaina - 3 1/2 hours after my water was broken (I was asleep and not sure when labor started; when I woke up they broke my water and she was born shortly after).

Abigail - About 8-9 hours. Again after they decided to break my water she came quick!

Zoë - About 5 hours. My water broke at home.

How much did they weigh?
Elaina - 7 lbs 5 oz
Abigail - 8 lbs 8 oz
Zoë - 8 lbs 4 oz

How did you know you were in labor?
Elaina - felt strange after a membrane sweep my doctor had done so we went to the hospital late at night. They gave me a shot of morphine and I drifted to sleep. When I woke up they broke my water and she was born 3.5 hours later.

Abigail - Same as Elaina's story; felt strange after a membrane sweep. EXCEPT I didn't go to the hospital that night. I went to bed with regulating contractions that were 9 minutes apart. When I woke up they were closer, I showered and went to the hospital. However things slowed down because it was early labor, not active labor. I was put in bed with monitors and wasn't allowed to eat. I got very ill and threw up five times from lack of energy and lack of food/drink. By the late afternoon they broke my water and then she came really quick.

Zoë - also had a membrane sweep but didn't go into labor because of it. Had bloody show a day or two after the sweep. I knew it would be any day but wasn't feeling any contractions. I laid down one day, three days post her EDD, and my water broke! Out of nowhere I went from no signs of labor to being in labor. Contractions came quick and they came hard. I was only 3cm dilated when I got to the hospital, which was discouraging but she still came quick.

Where did you deliver?
All three were at hospitals. This time we'll be at a birth center.

Drugs?
Elaina and Abigail - epidurals and something that made me feel high and giggly

C-Section?
No

Who Delivered?
Technically I delivered my babies, no one else. An OB or midwife can catch your baby but you, the momma, are the one actually delivering them. I get grumpy about that word, sorry!

Elaina and Abigail - OBs were present
Zoë - midwife was present

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For little man's birth I'll be at a birth center with the most amazing midwifery team. I just took a water birth class and that was really fun; got us super pumped and excited about his birth! Made it seem so much more real, too. The best part is that I will be guiding my baby out and "catching" him myself! My midwife led the class and said that when baby is crowning she'll tell the momma to reach down and put her hand over the baby's head to push into their hand and when baby's body has been born it is the mommy or daddy that will bring them up and out of the water! I got teary-eyed thinking about it, anticipating it.

Of course he may be born on "dry land" instead of the birth tub, too! Whatever happens I know it'll be magical, amazing, surreal and beautiful! And I can't wait...

There was more to the class and I think someone here left a comment asking about it. Basically she talked about what is allowable in a water birth and what is not. You must be at least 5cm dilated because if you're not in active labor already your labor will slow down. However when you are in active labor the water enveloping your belly is a natural anesthetic. It won't take all the pain but it helps alleviate it.

They also have you get out about every 90 minutes to take a potty break, get fluids, eat something if you want, etc. The birth center has a smoothie bar and full kitchen (each birth suite also has a small kitchenette). It is very important to stay nourished through labor. You don't run a marathon without eating healthfully and nutritiously and birth is no different. I'm allowed to bring my own snacks that I enjoy so I grabbed some Luna Bars (chocolate-covered coconut protein bars, *sigh*) for energy and threw in a couple cans of Ginger Ale into my birth bag.

Another thing to note - the water should never be above 100 degree F. Over that and baby could become distressed which could lead to a cascade of problems. So if you choose a water birth for your baby, whether at home or at a hospital or wherever, be sure to remember that if your nurse, doctor or midwife (or husband/partner) isn't paying attention to the water temp. I believe my water temp was WAY too hot when I got in the tub my last birth and no one was monitoring the temperature.

Okay, enough rambling. Super excited! Going to go watch New Girl with a bowl of popcorn and just relax. He'll be here before we know it!!!

BIG BOY

2011-09-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

Just look at that pregnancy ticker up above! Can you read it (I know the font is tiny)?! Do you see what it says?! ONE WEEK LEFT! Obviously give or take several days. But wow, we're definitely expecting him any day. Today at my appointment the midwife estimated him to be about 9lbs! If she's right he'll be my biggest baby birthed as of yet.

I'm getting the pre-baby jitters. It's this mixture of anxiousness and excitement. I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach when I stop to think of it. The spontaneity and wonder of what is about to happen leaves me light-headed. I'm so super excited and still very nervous!

Tonight is our water birth class. I'm not entirely sure what is covered in this class but I'm excited because it somehow helps make this surreal journey more real. No matter how many children you have it is still surreal that you have to birth them and that there is a living human inside of you!

Physically I've been feeling... uncomfortable. Spreading hips, lower back throbs, waking in the night many times to switch sides (someone needs to videotape me trying to do that, ha ha ha ha!) or to go pee. You know - the usual! I'm not complaining, though. It's all part of the process and I accept that. I also accept massages and counter pressure if anyone is offering, ha!

Any signs of impending labor? Other than some intense Braxton Hicks, nada. Nothing. No mucous plug, no bloody show, nothing. But that doesn't mean anything. Labor can happen in the blink of an eye whether you're not dilated or you're dilated to 3cm for weeks. But those Braxton Hicks contractions are intense, wow. Not painful but definitely noticeable and strong. I welcome them! They help in every little way. My midwife told me my uterus was "exercising" and getting ready. Just like any other muscle the uterus needs exercise for optimal performance. Does it make sense that the full moon was two nights ago?! I'm not superstitious but I do believe in science and a God who created our bodies and our world to intricately work together... and for some reason that full moon does cause things to happen with our bodies! Love it! Bring on the contractions!

Well that's it for now. The next time I post I'll probably have a little guy in my arms! I've been slacking on my blog lately. I do have a post coming up that I might get up before I have him. I wanted to do a post on my workspace and about working-from-home with little ones! We shall see what happens. Taking things day-by-day.

37 weeks

2011-09-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'm considered full term now! I personally prefer baby to come after 38-39 weeks to feel more comfortable about lung development. Right now I'm not really doing much to encourage my body into labor, like walking and squatting. My birth center doesn't open until the week before my due date so once I hit 39 weeks I'll really get interested in moving things along naturally, such as using Evening Primrose Oil and walking, etc. They won't start labor but they'll definitely encourage him to get low in the pelvis and soften the cervix.

At my 36-week midwife appointment we couldn't find his heartbeat (I could feel him moving so I wasn't nervous) which has been really difficult this entire pregnancy anyway. So the midwife grabbed the sonogram wand and did a quick survey to figure out what my little contortionist was doing. He was apparently in a very strange position, ha ha! And I very, very briefly saw a very blurry picture of his face (ancient sono machine!).

Soon I'll post a clear picture of his face on this side of the womb! Can't believe he'll be here in a matter of weeks!

36 weeks - The Homestretch

2011-08-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

Okay so I think I was actually 34-35 weeks in this picture but you get the idea! I'm a petite lady with a big ol' baby belly.

So I'm 36-week tomorrow (Wed)!!! I'm finally in the last month. I can't believe it. I feel like time has just flown by. His room is almost done! I'm waiting for my mom-in-law to get back from her vacation to help me hang the wall decor and then we're done. She's great at hanging things and I am not.

Okay so there's also been a change of plan in the birth front. We've gone back-and-forth and have been all over the place. Originally we were with midwives at the hospital but we decided an out-of-hospital birth is what would be appropriate for us. So we switched to a birth center but that center ended up closing after I had one prenatal visit with them. From there I was at a loss. I searched for midwives, including home birth midwives and I found an affordable one after others telling me they wanted hundreds of dollars or were booked for the month I was due.

Well affordable doesn't always mean it's going to be the right fit. Last you heard I was going to have a home birth with this midwife but things happened that made both Daniel and I very uncomfortable.

Vague enough?

I don't really want to say anything specific but I will just say that our philosophies and beliefs didn't line up and we didn't feel comfortable having her in our home and on one of the most important day of our lives.

So from there I realize that the midwife I originally wanted back when we were at the other birth center (she founded that birth center but a different midwife had taken over; she was no longer there) had founded and was opening a new birth center. She's also a Christian and a missionary midwife. Cue excited shrieking!

I'm with the midwife I had wanted earlier in my pregnancy and while it isn't going to be a home birth I know that a birth center is a great alternative. She even wrote a book recently and a percentage of sales helps to improve maternity conditions in other countries. You can buy her book All Babies are Born if you click on the title.

Officially Crib-Free!

2011-08-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

Zoë is now out of the crib totally! Two days ago we finished setting up her new room. We all stood around her bed for family prayer and good-nights. Zoë excitedly sat on her bed, flanked on each side by her big sisters. But the moment she realized big sisters weren't going to be joining her she got scared and upset.

I felt so bad for her! She kept whispering, "Lana, Lana" for Elaina and when she realized Elaina wasn't coming back downstairs for her she started to fervently whisper to me, "Downstairs, pwease, Mommy! Pwease!" She just didn't want to be left alone... and because her big sisters have shared a room she feels left out.

So I put her in the crib that night. It was too overwhelming for her. I decided to try naptime the next day (yesterday) and she was still upset and managed to get the door open AND come downstairs to find me so back up we went. Second time was a charm and she stayed in her room and the bed for her nap! I think it being daylight and not so dark helped put away some tension and fears about the new room. When she woke up she was SO proud of herself and excited.

Last night was Take 2 of putting her in the big bed for bedtime and she got upset a little but calmed down after maybe 2 minutes. For the past several months she had been throwing major fits at bedtime and would cry or yell for about 10-15 minutes. It didn't matter if I put her down awake or asleep. She just doesn't like being alone. It was hard on us all and I was hoping going to the new room and feeling like a big girl in the different bed would help... and it has!

First night in big girl bed - taken several minutes after she fell asleep!

Tonight was even better. She got in bed, got tucked in and stayed there, told me good-night and only got upet when I walked downstairs to grab my glass of water and paintbrush (I started baby boy's room tonight). By the time I was coming back up the stairs 30 seconds later she was quietly talking to herself to help her go to sleep.

I'm so proud of her! Surprisingly I'm not sad or emotional about it. I'm not that emotional anyway (didn't cry when Elaina went to school, didn't cry when cutting Abigail's hair for the first time, didn't cry when they were born, etc.). Or I guess I should say I respond differently than crying. I get excited and happy! I guess that's why my name is Joy. I'm excited for her to feel like such a big girl!

Those wondering - Zoë is 22-months-old. Elaina was even younger when she went to her big girl bed and I think Abigail was older.

Decorating Like CrAzY

2011-08-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

Three little girls just had their rooms redone in order to make room for baby brother! I forgot to take "Befores" but here are the totally awesome "Afters":

Click photo to enlarge!

If you remember - our third story, AKA attic, is 'finished'. Meaning it isn't just a creepy old attic. It has carpet, trim, windows, closets, etc. It is loft-style and has a full bathroom (which is out-of-order at the moment). It is considered a two-bedroom because there are two closets on each end of the long, narrow room. It has a low ceiling, too. We just got tempered windows put in and the girls spent their first night in the new rooms last night!

The first week this month Daddy went to The Awakening with Jesus Culture, Reinhard Bonnke, etc. in Chicago. While he was gone I had the big girls camp out in my room with me so I could clear out their shared room on the second floor and begin painting the room for Zoë. I couldn't have them sleeping in there with paint fumes! I got a pretty green for Zoë's room but it ended up being too bright in her already bright room so I toned it down by mixing in some off-white paint I had on hand.

I managed to get the entire room painted (her ceiling is high!) while Daddy was gone. Last night he and his dad took Abigail's half of the bunk bed to the third story and Zoë kept Elaina's half of the bunk set because it already had rails on it. Elaina inherited her parents old mattress from when we were first married and had kept as a guest bed.

Elaina's Room - Found her night stand and comforter at Walmart. Her dresser was found at a local antique mall and I painted it all black and the knobs pink. Her curtains were plain sheers that Nonna turned into something more fUn and FuNkY by creating a valance with some of the extra length and adding two lines of hot pink yarn! She actually has three windows that are different heights but we hung the curtain high enough to cover them all and almost the entire wall! Still have wall art to put up.

Abigail's Room - Comforter, curtain rod, curtains, bean bag chair and night stand are from Walmart. The curtains I had bought on clearance for like $2 a few years ago and I happened to find them while going through boxes I had stored in their attic room. It fueled the idea to do teal with her purple room! Her dresser is white with teal drawers and her desk is teal with purple drawers. They're not in the pictures.

Zoë's Room - Her nursery had three green walls and one pink wall. The green wasn't as pretty as this new shade in her new room, though. This is definitely more feminine and soft. I really didn't change anything else. My sister-in-law gave me the awesome mirror sitting on the dresser top. I painted the dresser before Zoë was born.

Baby Boy's Room - ??? You'll just have to wait and see! My hope is to get started this week. Time is ticking and I want to get it done before he arrives and I'm too tired to see or think straight.

Spoils!

2011-07-21T20:56:00.000-07:00

Three girls in this house means lots of pink and purple! So with our first baby boy on the way I couldn't resist a few very, very boyish finds. Some of these items I have traded for which is always such a blessing for me and for the person I'm trading with!

First thing I got him was a Memory Book from Dark Rose Treasures. There's a delay in getting in and I'm excited to see how it turns out!

I also got this lovey from Dark Rose Treasures:

From Zoey's Closet I'm getting a baby wrap, similar to a Moby Wrap, except my stars will be green and blue:

Treasured Minky just shared my finished blanket on her Facebook page! I had her put "Isaac" on the blanket but we haven't decided if that will be his first name or middle name yet. Daniel and I are kind of nicely feuding over the name, ha ha! I will win!!! The blanket is black with a red minky back but it kind of looks blue here.

When I thought baby was a girl I got some totally awesome nursing pads from Moms Crafts 4 U. Here is one pair that I received:

The other day I went to Target and I found a boyish bath towel set for sale for $9! I got him some outfits that were on sale. The girls wanted me to photograph the backpacks they picked out for school so there they are, too! I can't believe school is around the corner already. Summer is flying by!

AND finally his first stuffed lovey, a sock monkey, arrived today as well as his first swaddling blankets and washcloths! The sock monkey is from Aunty Ann Designs and the blankets & washcloths are from Homespun Lullabies. The blankets are still folded up and everything came packaged so nicely! The blankets are a set of 3; one in a skull print, one in solid blue and one in a blue with dots. These are all HANDMADE! I'm blown away by the talent, truly!

There's a lot of skull/alternative patterns. Ezekiel is one of Daniel's and my favorite books of the Bible! Plus we're not exactly your cookie cutter Christians either. We like unique!

Now if only I could decide on what to do in the nursery.............. I still have a couple weeks to figure it out before I get paint! I'm thinking blue walls, keeping the trim brown and green will be one accent color. I'm kind of digging orange right now, too! So I may throw in red and orange in there. So many fun choices!

Almost

2011-07-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we went on a camping trip! I don't have any pictures because I didn't want to bring my camera and risk losing it, dropping it in the river or breaking it. We had a long drive to the campsite with over an hour of that drive on hilly and very twisty country roads. I started to feel ill and Zoë started fussing a lot. I had this feeling she was going to vomit and sure enough she threw up all over herself in the car. Poor little thing! She was fine as soon as we got off those roads.

We set up camp, got our swimsuits on and we were getting ready to go to the water. We were camping near a very small, shallow river. The water was clear and it was cool (ice cold in most parts!). Abigail went down to the water with an adult friend while I rushed to get the rest of our gear together. As we walk up to the water we see the worst thing a mother ever sees - her child drowning.

Our friend didn't know Abigail had followed him out into the water and the river's current was slowly taking her down river. It was a slow current and the water was so shallow (probably up to Abigail's waist in the particular spot she was in) but the rocks were slippery and even us adults had a very hard time keeping our footing.

I must stress to you - drowning is silent. There's no thrashing water, there's no gurgling or cries for help because any time the victim can get up to get air that is all they have time to do; they don't have time or the air to cry out. It is very silent, very quick and absolutely terrifying. You can't take your eyes off your kids. You can't let other people take your kids to water, even if they have their own kids.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law, who were walking ahead of us, ran to Abigail and saved her as we all noticed at once that she was drowning, even with other adults standing right there in the water. I ran toward the water screaming her name, as did Daniel. She didn't need resuscitation or anything serious. In fact she acted perfectly fine, didn't cry and went back to looking for river rocks. But I was shook up like I've never been shaken up before. I grabbed her and hugged her, looked her over and we sat down together in the shallow water near the shore to gather rocks. I couldn't stop shaking but I couldn't cry either. I think our reaction and redirecting her to looking for rocks helped her to not freak out. I stressed all night about dry drowning (which I had only heard about in passing but judging by that link I didn't need to freak) and checked on her constantly. A person can drown long after they are out of the water.

Our camping trip started off on very rocky ground (no pun intended) but things looked up. I started to relax after the incident. I still watched all kids like a hawk but was able to enjoy being out in nature. The river water was so cool with the weather being so hot! We saw tadpoles, minnows, crawdads and other little creatures.

The next day we went on a float ride down the river. It was a 7-mile trek. The floats are big enough to put a cooler in and several people. It was a blast! My stupid sunscreen didn't work so I got burned being in the sun for hours on end, even with several applications. Our girls LOVED the float! We had an extra oar and they'd all take turns "rowing". We had a few close calls with heavier currents and fallen trees but it was totally part of the fun and no one got hurt. We almost capsized once on a fallen log and a group of people on the shore walked out to help us get free (they broke their canoe on the same log!). For whatever odd reason that was my favorite part - it was just really adventurous! And again, the water was shallow and kids had life vests on.

We'd get out every so often to eat and swim. The water was ICE COLD. It was so cold it hurt, ha ha! I stuck to the shore because I didn't want to freeze little guy in my belly.

As for the evenings and nights - it was so hot that I was pretty miserable and cranky. If we ever camp in the summer again there will have to be a fan or air source. It is pretty stinking hot out right now!

Baby Name Woes

2011-07-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know it's only been like three days since we found out our baby is actually a boy. But I'm stumped on a name. I thought we had it figured out before the first sonogram. Then you envision the little being you've felt the past several months and reality sets in. We're choosing HIS name that he is going to live with the rest of his life.

I have three favorites. I ran them by Daniel and he won't say one way or another what he thinks. I think the man needs time to digest this and think it all over! So I ran it by our daughters and they like two out of my three. One is pretty popular but I don't really care about the popularity or trend of a name. If that is the name we feel is best then that is the name!

Okay so MY three:
-Liam
-Isaiah
-Ezekiel

I don't think Daniel likes Ezekiel which is CRAZY to me because that is one of his favorite books of the Bible. And I love the nickname 'Zeke'. My girls didn't like that one either. So it may be one of the first two.

Of course my heart is still with the name we originally picked out 7 years ago when pregnant with Elaina but I don't think Daniel wants to put that name on "The List" of possible names. And that name is Caiden. I'll ask him again.

We do already have the middle name - Isaac.

And just to throw it out there my husband keeps asking to name him Tiger. I have NO IDEA if he's doing that to tease me but I don't like it. Especially considering the most popular Tiger in the world got caught cheating on his wife with dozens, if not a hundred, women. I'm not a fan of the name. Sorry but his name will NOT be Tiger.

:-Þ

Oh Boy!

2011-07-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

I can't begin to explain the mad butterflies in my stomach yesterday at the sonogram. Do you ever feel like something is going to happen or that you know something but don't tell anyone for fear of being wrong? That's how it was yesterday. Daniel did NOT want to go to the sonogram, he didn't want to spend the money, he was content with thinking baby was a girl. He tried to convince me that we didn't need to do it, that the other sonogram was clearly a girl.

And I just had this feeling. I kept thinking that we're going to go and they're going to say, "Nope! They were wrong! Baby is a boy!" But I didn't say anything for fear of being proved wrong. I also didn't say anything for fear of being proved right! I mean I was in love with a baby girl, she had a name. To shake that up would shake ME up. And it has but I'm also really excited about a son.

Still convinced that I needed to be 100% certain of baby's gender and desiring to know before they were born I told Daniel I was using my own hard-earned money, printed off the directions and off we went. I think part of him wanted to know for certain, too, but he also did not want to get his hopes up. He is in love with all of his daughters but I know part of his heart still clung to the hope of a son.

My sister-in-law had the same dream/feeling that we were going to call her and tell her that baby was a boy. My sister would tell me, "Wouldn't it be crazy if you went and they found out baby was a boy after all?!"

And we have another friend whom God told we were having a son. This friend almost cried when he found out baby was a girl; not because of the gender but because his faith was shaken! He thought, "How could I have heard God wrong?!" He was absolutely and wholeheartedly convinced our baby was a boy and he refused to believe baby was a girl. He steadfastly believed our baby was a boy. He shook off the sonogram picture of what we thought was a baby girl and said, "Don't need to see it! Baby is a boy! I'll believe otherwise at the birth if baby is a girl.

Our daughters have prayed for a year-and-a-half for a brother and were still excited to learn baby was a girl but I know their own feelings about the power of prayer were shaken. It was a great teaching opportunity, don't get me wrong! Sometimes we pray for things and God seemingly doesn't answer, at least not in the way we want.

Every night Abigail would still pray, "Dear Jesus, help our baby brother to grow strong and healthy!" Some nights I would correct her and say, "Remember, baby is a girl!" Other nights I'd just grin at her childlike innocence. Apparently something in her heart just knew because she wouldn't let go of that brother!

When the sonogram tech sounded confused and asked if we were told a girl... my breath caught! I felt a little dizzy. My eyes searched and searched for what the sonogram's trained eye was seeing so much easier than I was and then I saw and I felt like time stood still! It took almost the entire time of us just trying to get a good shot of the genitals since he was all curled up and didn't want to move for us. And in that moment I thought, "Wow, I actually knew..." I literally had dreams of this happening and thought I was in a dream! I've also had dreams of giving birth and finding out baby was a boy instead of a girl.

If we hadn't gone to the 3D sonogram and hadn't needed any other sonograms this pregnancy we would have had one huge surprise at birth. I giggle to think of it! Of holding up the baby and saying, "It's not a girl... it's a boy!" and seeing the ecstatic and incredulous look on Daniel's face. That would have been sweet.

And for the record - my Intelligender test did end up being correct after all!

Shocking News - Our 3D Sonogram

2011-07-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

We had our 3D scan today! Oh it was so much fun. I know they kind of freak some people out but I absolutely love the 3D scans and getting to see my baby's face. It's amazing to glimpse into that little world, nestled within yourself.

The sonogram tech asked for baby's name and we told her "Izaria" so she input that. When the technician started we saw that baby was being a little contortionist. They were little rolled into a tight ball! We saw their sweet profile in 2D and then she went to take a look between the legs. Oh my gosh baby was not cooperating very well for us! And the umbilical cord just seemed to be in the way of everything.

Finally the technician said, "You were told a girl, huh?" My heart STOPPED and I got butterflies in my stomach. I think my vision started swimming! All I know is that it felt like an out-of-body experience. I stared at the screen and saw what looked like very swollen testicles. The tech kept looking and looking for the "turtle head" as she called it and kept exclaiming, "That cannot be labia! That is a scrotum and I can see testicles. I've been doing this for a long time and labia just isn't swollen like THAT!" Finally she found their entire genital area (I was choking down O.J. and chocolate animal crackers to get them moving)!

Izaria is no longer Izaria because baby is a BOY!

We spent a good, long time making sure baby was indeed a boy. So much time that we hardly got any face shots. The technician was laughing and having so much fun with us and kept saying she couldn't believe it and how cool it would have been to given birth thinking baby was a girl only to have a boy come out!

My mother-in-law and father-in-law came with us. MIL started jumping up and down and screaming! This particular sonogram place is in a maternity consignment store so the lady at the front desk said she could hear us and wondered if we found out baby wasn't a girl after all!

Finally we moved on to baby boy's face and he had feet, hands, umbilical cord AND placenta in his way so the face shots weren't that great. But there are a couple that I deem really good and they are below! He looks like Zoë and he very much looks like Daniel! (The weird dark line around their mouth is the umbilical cord in the way; she tried "cutting through it" with the technology so it came out a little distorted.)

So now we're back to the drawing board - names, nursery, clothes... we have nothing except for a few sleepers!

And how is Daddy feeling? He's on the moon! He is so incredibly excited! He was excited about having a girl but there's just something about a father and his son. We keep saying, "He" and "Son" and then bursting out laughing because we just can't believe it!

How am I feeling? Shocked! I don't think it has really hit me yet! For the past two months I've been planning for a girl. It's just strange to be told otherwise. But I'm glad I found out before the birth, even though that would have been the most amazing and precious thing ever! And I have had dreams of that happening.

I had my doubts baby was a girl for a variety of reasons. A few other people we knew were skeptical, too. I just kept pointing at Daniel and saying, "I told you! I told you I had reason to doubt! Mommas just know sometimes!"

How are big sisters feeling? Zoë doesn't get it; she was just excited to get a doughnut from Poppy and Nonna afterward and play with toys (place was really nice; huge room with lots of toys for kids while adults enjoyed the sonogram). Elaina and Abigail keep saying, "God answered our prayers! We asked for a brother and He finally gave us one!" Elaina immediately got the baby name book when we got home and looked through names with Daniel.

Okay just one last peek, in case you weren't convinced with the 3D shot above... Our son:

Fun Summertime Ideas

2011-07-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

This summer we're keeping our girls' brains active and ready for the upcoming school year (which starts for Elaina NEXT MONTH). My two oldest have been going to their Nonna's house once a week for homeschool to do fun projects and keep up with their alphabet, counting, name-writing, etc. My mother-in-law (Nonna) made each girl a portfolio full of fun but educational worksheets. Elaina is blazing through hers; I need to spend more time with Abigail on hers or she won't do them.

The other night a friend of ours gave the girls some glow sticks! Perfect timing because I had just seen this blog post about glow sticks at a new blog I follow called Play at Home Mom. I loved the idea of taking a bath in the dark with glow sticks in the water! So without telling my girls I covered the window in the bathroom, turned off the lights and threw in the glow sticks. They had a blast! And it was actually quite peaceful to sit in the semi-darkness (I don't leave them unattended so I got to enjoy every moment of their special bath time).

We woke up this morning to torrential rain and thunder. It was the perfect day to do a craft! Elaina has been wetting the bed still so we decided to start a chart after seeing Sid the Science Kid make one. Every night she stays dry Elaina gets a sticker for her chart. After so many stickers she gets to pick a special treat from our "Reward Jar". Except our jar was just a boring and plain Ball jar. Today we covered it in glue and tissue paper and then we took a hair tie and tied ribbons onto it. Voila - a beautifully colored mosaic jar with loads of colorful ribbon.

And the chart itself seems to be working; she stayed dry for 8 days straight but had an accident last night. I think I know why so we've made some adjustments to diet. The rewards in our jar include things like, "Go see a movie" (something we never do with the kids!), "Go to the park", "Do a craft", "Get $1.00", "Pick dinner", etc. Not all of them require money so that is good! The girls love earning stickers for their prizes. And they came up with almost all the rewards themselves.

What fun summer crafts or ideas do you have? Share them with me! I'd love more ideas!

My Star Spangled Beauties

2011-07-06T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'll let pictures speak for themselves... actually I didn't take very many pictures and we did so much more than shown here! Ate awesome food, water balloon fight, Slip-n-Slide, sat and chat, lit some smoke bombs, adults watched True Lies while the kids watched Narnia in another room after all the sun and water!

Love this one! Zoë has the greatest, tightest hugs!

Zoë would sit for a picture but she refused to stand; so my ugly porch it is, ha ha! At least he beauties distract from it. Had their tops custom made at Mighty Sweet Designs.

Cheeser!

Mmm... chocolate pie for dessert!

Slip-n-Slide for all sorts of fun! Kept kids distracted for quite a long time.

It started off as a nice, cool day but it got super duper hot. My husband and father-in-law decided to help me cool off. I got shot with a water gun a lot and kept hugging everyone who was soaking wet even though I was wearing regular clothes instead of a swimsuit. We went home before it got dark because I was so tired and uncomfortable and the girls needed to go to bed. They ended up not being able to sleep.

It sounded like a battlefield in my neighborhood. Those fireworks you see that your city puts on? Neighbors all around us had those fireworks and were shooting them off across the street, a few houses down, behind our house, etc. We had plenty of fireworks to watch. Surprisingly Elaina was the most scared after being the most excited. I got Zoë out of her bed to see them out the window and then took her outside with me; she started shaking like a little leaf! Poor thing! So we ended up watching the Macy's thing on TV.

I love the Fourth of July! It's my favorite holiday. I had a lot of fun, the kids had a blast and my husband was like a big kid (his idea to bring the water slide and he brought the water balloons)!

Pain and Misery

2011-07-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Warning: Whiny post ahead!

I'm in a lot of pain. All day long. Pregnancy #4 (technically #6 including my sweet angel babies) is kicking me in the rear end... and hips... and groin... and leg... and foot. I can barely walk because of my foot. My walking boot that I paid almost $100 for? It broke and thankfully I found the receipt and better get a new one this week. I hadn't been wearing it because it broke but I definitely need to keep that up because it was helping.

I went to see a chiropractor for my hip. I thought I displaced it or something with my last birth. Sweet magic hands! I have no idea what she did but my left hip feels so much better. She thinks it being out of whack could have helped to cause my Plantar Fasciitis (the foot problem that makes it almost impossible to walk).

I also found out, and probably already mentioned this, but I have Pubic Symphysis. Basically my pubic bone is shot to you-know-where causing a lot of pain if I use my thigh muscles, such as to get into bed, to drive, to put my feet up on an ottoman, etc. She gave me an exercise to do but it makes me feel like someone has shoved a knife into my pubic bone and left it there. Ouch!

Water birth may honestly be the only option for me at this point which is all good for me since that is what I want anyway; it will help alleviate all the pain I'm feeling during birth. Of course I'm going to keep going to the chiropractor as well to hopefully lessen or get rid of any pain that I can and get my body back in alignment. My poor body feels like it is falling apart and I'm still in my 20's.

Izaria is so worth temporary pain. Each day I fall more and more in love with her! I still can't believe I am having another baby.

Giving Birth at Home

2011-06-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm coming up on 28 weeks pregnant, friends! I'm apparently in the 3rd trimester. I actually had to go do a little reading here for a second to see where I'm at. I'm in the home stretch, wow! It's flying by. And I have a lot on my mind but will save it for other posts. Right now I want to talk about something I'm super excited about!

The other week we went to meet a midwife and we think we have a birth plan (and not the kind you write down and hand to your doctor!). I am excited to say that it looks like we'll be having a home birth! I know that when I was pregnant with Elaina the thought of a water birth or home birth was extremely weird. I thought I could never do something like that! And here I am vying for both a water birth IN my home. Of course I didn't do any research on the safety of home birth or the benefits of water birth and I don't know that if I had, during that time, that it would have made a difference. I was just so scared of birth, of what I saw on TV and in movies, of what people would tell me, of the inevitable pain. I feel more confident as the years have zoomed by and am very peaceful with our choice for Izaria's birth!

Now I have other choices to make, such as which room to set up the birth tub. This midwife has a 95% rate for water births. Her last hospital transfer was in August 2010 (that includes post partum). She doesn't do any sort of low-risk induction techniques like sweeping the membranes or breaking water. I had always wondered HOW women get out of the birth tub after birth and she explained it all before I could ask. They use vinyl tablecloths with the fuzzy side up and cover the floor and bed with them to catch all the fluids (they also use Chux pads). Neat!

Reasons I Choose Home Birth:
-There's no guessing when it's "time to go in" because you're already there!
-The car ride and change of atmosphere from your own home to a bright, high energy hospital can stop or slow labor which can result in being sent back home, discouraged (happened to me with Elaina!)
-Your older children can be present if they want!
-My care will come to me. This is important to me! To get anywhere I have to get on the highway and I can be a very nervous car passenger.
-However despite the above IF an emergency were to arise the ambulance and hospitals are VERY close by!
-Lower risk of needing a cesarean or intervention. The most common problems that can arise at a home birth are well-prepared for (Pitocin for hemorrhage, IV for dehydration, etc.).
-My health care provider is a very educated and licensed professional in one area and that is birth. Our birth philosophies line up perfectly so I don't feel like I'm going into my birth with a fight on my hands in regards to breast/bottle, vaccinations, to give Vitamin K injection or not, to put eye drops in baby's eyes, to delay cord clamping, to suction or not, etc.
-I will have my own smells, visuals and sounds that comfort me in my home. If I want to light my favorite candle I will. If I want my husband to play music I love he will. If I want to stare at pictures of my loved ones they're all here.
-We'll avoid the germs and pathogens in a hospital and instead be only exposed to germs we're already accustomed to in our own home. I'm not saying this one correctly but it does make sense and has been studied; your germs in your own home are not as seriously scary as the ones in the hospital! Plus if the midwife does require to use an IV or something in her 'bag of tricks' they're all sterilized and individually sealed.
-I can eat and drink if I want; birth requires energy!
-I can be as loud or as quiet as I want without fear of reprimand from a nurse or feel as though I'm bothering other laboring women.

And so much more but I'm probably boring you all to tears! I just had to get all this down. I try to keep a pregnancy journal but I've been so tired that I haven't blogged or written as much in Izzy's journal.

When you are going to have your baby, no matter where you choose to go, remember to pamper yourself and allow yourself to be pampered. This isn't about doing it one way over another. Massage, lovely smells, lotions, dim lighting or darkness, curling up in a ball or swaying your hips, getting in the water or bouncing on a ball or whatever - do what feels right to you!

It was so important to me before Zoë came to tell my husband what I might or might not like while in labor because I knew once I was in labor I wouldn't be able to tell him. Contractions require focus if you're not going to have drugs and sometimes you can't get more than a syllable out. Being asked, "What do you want me to do?" is not going to be something you can handle, especially in transition (the phase right before you push; hardest but shortest part of labor). You may get frustrated, overwhelmed and just yell "I don't know - just DO something!"

Instead, before birth, continually instruct your partner(s) to offer you things. It'll be much easier to deny or accept that sip of water than to figure out, in the midst of your concentration, that you need or want water. They can apply a cool cloth to your forehead and by your reaction gauge if it is something you're liking or not. For instance I chucked the washcloth clear across the room even after enjoying it previously because I was in transition and the contraction was so intense I couldn't handle the sensation of the cool cloth! Ha ha!

Before Zoë's birth I also told him specific things to try as ideas so he wasn't trying to figure it all out on his own. I love counter pressure on my lower back and hips! I told him he needed to push as hard as he could on my lower back during a contraction. He didn't end up doing it but the midwife did and oh my word! It helped relieve a lot of the intensity.

I'm starting to get excited and a little nervous. I'm not made of steel. I have had moments of doubt, moments of fear, moments where I wonder how I am going to give birth again and just a general sense of panic. Most of the time I am peaceful and I know that when the time comes I'll be fine. It's just the anticipation and built-up adrenaline that gets me going with the What-If's and post partum recovery. More posts to come on that later; this one is already a novel!

Three months and we'll meet Izzy face-to-face. Speaking of her face... our 3D sonogram is in 2 weeks or so! I can't wait and am excited to post pictures of her! I think all of my girls look so different and I can't imagine Izaria's face. I wonder if she'll be our dark-haired baby. Daniel has black hair and yet we have two brown haired girls and one blonde-red haired girl.

I leave you with a pic of my big girls on Memorial Day!

Swelling Up

2011-06-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

The other day I noticed my left foot was swelling up (mostly on the inner part where that weird knobby bone is) but my right was fine. I kept drinking water and putting my foot up, icing it and per the advice of others drank lemonade. The swelling has gone down but darn it - I think I sprained my ankle! At first I thought it was pregnancy-related but it is only my left foot (my injured foot that I walk on funny so very possible to sprain and my ankle has hurt for awhile now). I'm so tired of the foot drama. I just want to be able to walk normal.

In other news - my birth center shut down. They just don't have money and have basically been volunteering for the past few months. They just couldn't keep the doors open. Well that sure would've been nice to know before I decided to go there. Now I'm going to try to go to the other birth center I was interested in except I might have to pay $1500 out-of-pocket in 15 weeks (read: $100 per week). Not sure what the heck I'm going to do. I just don't have that. She said she'd be willing to work with us... at that rate I may as well just plan a home birth!

Speaking of money we got contracted the guys for the windows in our third story. Yay! We had a couple different companies come out. The first gave us a crazy quote and kept adding all these fees we weren't aware of. So we gave another company a call and they told us we HAD to have, by law, tempered glass because the window is less than 18 inches from the ground. First company didn't tell us that. In the end we got more expensive windows but we're paying less than the first company's quote. Weird! Pays to have more than one estimate and not make a decision on the fly.

So yeah - windows were paid for before I knew about the birth center. Arg! But we needed them anyway. We'll figure it out. They'll work with us. But it's just really frustrating because it's the insurance not wanting to pay the "facility fee" because it is a birth center.

We're on Super Budget right now. I tried the old "only pay with cash" thing for groceries and got everything we needed for less than I usually spend AND saved $10. Of course all the money we are saving this month is getting put into our minivan that needs work (again - don't get me started on that).

On a BRIGHTER note, which we need here, my jewelry business is soaring. A few of you saw my informative post on customizing hand-stamped jewelry with me and decided to come over and make purchases. I love you for that! I really do! You're helping a family out that just really needs it right now and getting awesome jewelry as well.

On another fun note we are going on first family vacation. We're going camping! We're super excited. Any tips for camping with kids? I've gone camping before but not with children, ha ha! Anything that isn't obvious that I might not think of?

Informative Post on Fonts, Pearls, Crystals and Ordering at Joy Belle

2011-05-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

This is an informative post. It is a means to share photos of my fonts, design stamps, Swarovski crystals, pearls and to provide any other pertinent information to help you in customizing your hand-stamped jewelry at Joy Belle.

Please read carefully. Click photos to enlarge.

=======================
FONTS & DESIGN STAMPS
=======================

I do not charge extra to custom stamp your jewelry with your preferences. Custom stamping is included in the price of the piece you are interested in; excluding pre-stamped items.

FONTS

DESIGN STAMPS

Design stamps are fun little characters, swirls, flowers and many other things that help personalize your jewelry!

LIMITATIONS: Because nickel and steel are such hard metals I can only use specific designs, shown on the silver metals in the image below.
However ANY design shown below can be stamped on brass, copper or sterling, which are softer metals

New designs are added all the time but are costly. If you want a design not pictured I require an extra $5.00 toward purchasing the new design stamp. Individual design stamps can run from $9-$15 each; all I ask is for $5.00 to help cover the cost of adding a new stamp to complete your item.

==========================
SWAROVSKI CRYSTALS
==========================

Please note that most necklaces include a certain number of 4mm crystals or glass pearls.
Extras are $2.00 each.
If you have ANY questions contact me.

BIRTHSTONES:
(pictured in first row)
1). January - Garnet
2). February - Amethyst
3). March - Aquamarine
4). April - Crystal
5). May - Emerald
6). June - *Alexandrite or a glass Pearl
7). July - Ruby
8). August - Peridot
9). September - Sapphire
10). October - Pink Tourmaline or Opal
11). November - Topaz
12). December - Blue Zircon or Turquoise

RAINBOW COLORS:
(pictured in second row)
1). White (Alabaster)
2). Light Siam (Red)
3). Sun (Orange)
4). Citrine (Yellow)
5). Fern Green (Green)
6). Dark Sapphire (Blue)
7). Lilac (Purple)
8). Mocca (Brown)
9). Jet (Black)

ADDITIONAL COLORS:
(pictured in third row)
1). Fuchsia
2). Indian Pink
3). Hyacinth (4mm)
4). Fire Opal (Red-Orange-Yellow)
5). Sunflower
6). Olivine
7). *Cantaloupe (Green to Lt. Purple)
8). Chrysolite Opal (Light Opalescent Green)
9). Light Sapphire
10). Pacific Blue Opal (Opalescent Blue)
11). Violet
12). Light Amethyst
13). Cyclamen Opal (Opalescent Purple)
14). Crystal Bronze
15). Champagne

Not Pictured: Rose Alabaster, Crystal Starry Night (Grey-Silver)
Crystals are wire-wrapped on a ball head pin by me!
*Crystals marked with asterisk are color-changing.
Extra crystals are $2.00 each.

=======================
PEARLS
=======================

Glass Pearls::
1). Bordeaux
2). Powder Rose
3). Rosaline
4). Peach
5). Creamrose
6). Light Green
7). Tahitian
8). Light Blue
9). Burgandy
10). Mauve
11). Lavender
12). Black
13). Light Gray
14). Bronze
15). White

Freshwater Pearls:
various sizes (4mm, 6mm)
Freshwater Pearls WILL VARY in appearance! Each is unique!

In order as pictured:
Standard Ivory Freshwater Pearl
Ivory Potato Pearl
Merlot Rice Pearl
Pale Pink Pearl Chip
Iridescent Green Potato Pearl

Lime Green Pearl Chip

Iridescent Blue Potato Pearl

NEW: Puff Pearls
Best used individually on pendants over 7/8" in diameter.
1). Bronze
2). Ivory

Pearls are wire-wrapped on a silver ball head pin by me!
4mm and 6mm pearls are an extra $2.00 each.
Puff Pearls are an extra $4.00 each.

=======================
Chains
=======================

Shown in order from top to bottom:
18" sterling silver box chain
30" solid stainless steel 2.4mm ball chain
18" silver-colored 1.2mm ball chain
30" antique copper 1.2mm ball chain
16" bright copper 2.4mm ball chain

Each listing specifies which chain is included for the price.

=======================
STAINLESS STEEL
vs.
STERLING SILVER
=======================

I have begun phasing out my sterling silver in favor of stainless steel. Stainless steel more affordable and I have found it looks so much like the sterling but with more benefits.

Stainless Steel...
-... is hypoallergenic
-... does not tarnish
-... does not rust
-... it is a very hard metal
-... has more weight (some people compare quality to the weight of a pendant)

However Sterling Silver...
-... contains a trace of nickel which many people are sensitive to
-... is a very soft metal so it can get bent
-... tarnishes very easily

=======================
HOW TO ORDER
=======================

Ordering is so easy! Follow these simple directions:

1). Find items you want and click "Add to Cart".

2). In the box that says "Note to JoyBelleJewelry" include all relevant information to customizing your jewelry. Each listing has specifics for what can or cannot be customized. Please read all descriptions carefully and leave me directions accordingly per the directions given.

3). Click on 'Pay with PayPal' (you do not need an account)

4). VERIFY SHIPPING ADDRESS! Must be your EXACT city, not a metro city.

7). You'll be redirected back to Etsy and must click on COMPLETE to complete your order.

I will see your order, rest assured. I only message you after you place an order if I have a question.

=======================
GET A QUOTE
=======================

Have an idea in mind but don't see it in the shop? Message me with your ideas and I will give you a quote and try to make it happen. You never know until you ask and I message within 2 days during the weekday. I try to stay offline during the weekend to be with my family and complete orders from the week.

=======================
SHIPPING
=======================

I do not charge secondary shipping. This means you can order as much as you want, at one time, and only pay one shipping charge (unless shipping to multiple addresses!). Placing a separate order after your first order will incur a new shipping charge.

I also run the shop The Twisted Willows and will combine shipping between the shops. In order to do that you can either checkout, pay and I will refund you. Or you can message me first with everything you're wanting to purchase.

In a rush?! Priority Shipping is $5 in the USA. Etsy is not currently set up for you to choose a shipping option. You must message me before placing your order for me to update your shipping.

Shipping charges account for postage, shipping materials (such as the envelope), ink and paper for shipping labels, etc. The USPS changes their prices and because of this shipping charges are subject to change without notice.

International buyers - there are restrictions on shipping jewelry to many countries. If you want to place an order please visit usps.com and calculate your shipping. I will verify once you message me and will update listings with your shipping price. I can only ship Priority International.

=======================
GIFT WRAP
=======================

Each necklace comes in a plastic zip-top pouch. I can wrap in tissue paper if you need them gift-wrapped.

•*´¯`•.¸.• *´¯`•.¸.•DISCLAIMER*´¯`•.¸.• *´¯`•.¸.•

BEFORE PLACING YOUR ORDER PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS:
Each little letter and design is stamped one-by-one by me. Your item may not come out lined up or centered perfectly. Part of the nature and beauty of hand-stamped jewelry is that they are perfectly imperfect. Please understand this before making your purchase. If you want perfection then machine-engraving is the way to go.

♥ Joy Belle ♥

If you are confused or have any questions do not hesitate to message me. I work Monday through Friday in my shop, mostly in the evenings. I will try to get back with you within 2 days.

Unexpected

2011-05-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

I have had quite a few blog posts rolling around in my head lately and was going to post one tonight. Until I got a message from my niece tonight telling me there was an emergency and to call my brother. My grandma was found in her home having passed away. She could have passed that day or several days before. My grandpa has dementia and thought she was sleeping. My aunt called the police to check on her (she lives several states away) since she hadn't heard from her in several days and they found her.

Unexpected death. This was my mom's mom. She was a hardcore, work-until-I-can't-work-anymore feminist who wasn't ever supposed to pass. I have no idea why she died or when. But I do know there is a time for all of us to go. It's just unreal for a death to happen unexpectedly. Morbidly enough I thought her husband (who is seriously ill) or my other grandma would have passed first before this bulldog of a woman.

I can't say I was terribly close to my grandma or her kids (other than my own mom of course). But I know what it feels like to lose my mother and more than anything I hurt for her two remaining children and step-child who are beyond devastated. And she always sent my kids birthday cards even though she's only ever met Elaina. I was hoping to see them when they moved closer in just a couple weeks to show off my babies since I can't show them off to my own mom.

It's just really sad and I don't know how to process this. My initial reaction telling Daniel was try cry and I did but then I got "all business" and jumped up saying I needed to call my sister. And I do have a funny part to tell about this and I know my mom and grandma, rest their souls, were probably laughing at us down here.

It is hard to get a call out of our house on the cell phone but the only way I can use long distance is to use the cell. So I go into the furtherest room at the back of the house and hold up the phone looking for bars, just like in the movies. I dial, my sister answers and I proceed to tell her what happened. My poor husband told me if this wasn't so devastating he would've been laughing. I think it's good to laugh, even when death is involved. It's good to live! So here's what happened:

ME: "Julie? Grandma died."
JULIE: "What happened? You're breaking up!"
ME: "Grandma was found dead in her home."
JULIE: "I still can't hear you. Grandma what?"
ME: "She's dead."
JULIE: "She what?"
ME: "Grandma is dead."
JULIE: "I still can't hear you..."
ME: "DIED. Grandma DIED!" (Daniel says I was shouting at that point)
Finally got a strong signal and she heard me.

Oh technology. Even with all our advances we still have so many problems. I can only imagine Daniel listening in from the other room trying to stay composed and respectful which makes it funnier. Reminds me of the end of the movie Steel Magnolias when the ladies just break up in laughter at the end of the funeral.

My prayers are that your soul is resting in peace, Grandma.
And that you're finally home with Jesus and your daughter.

I do NOT think...

2011-05-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have kind of put baby's birth on the back burner of my mind in the sense that I'm so focused on other things right now. So focused on my Etsy businesses and just being downright fatigued all day long that I have forgotten three appointments! Yeah I'm a little spacey lately. But I have dreams almost every night of her birth. Of being caught somewhere in which I have an unexpected and unassisted birth (birth her by myself) or a surprise breech or even just a peaceful and painless water birth. There have been many, many different scenarios. The worst was being caught in public in labor and having everyone around me freak out, calling 911 and EMTs holding me down and making me go to the hospital and feeling absolutely powerless. My mind is subconsciously working through different scenarios; the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

But I do have "plans" for Izaria's birth. By a plan I do not mean that I have a little schedule of what is going to happen and when. I simply mean a list of ideals or preferences, both in non-emergency and in the case of emergency. That is what a birth plan is, after all. It isn't a time sheet of what IS going to happen but just a list of preferences.

I plan to not have drugs this birth. I plan to be in the water. I plan to give birth at a birth center rather than a hospital or home. I plan to not clamp the cord or have ointment in my baby's eyes. And so much more. Basically I plan to arrive at the birth center, be quiet and alone with my husband, daughters, midwife and deliver my baby... and shortly afterward go home. I plan all of this based on countless hours of research (researching both sides of each argument for each and every thing).

Plans change and I think my mind playing out different scenarios is just giving me a glimpse of other ways the birth could happen and how I would feel or react to it. I think it's important to be open to things happening another way, such as not having a water birth with Zoë as I had wanted. Am I okay with that? Yup! Her birth was beautiful. However with Zoë I did accept a shot of some kind (Stadol or something similar) and wasn't okay with that. It doesn't take away pain. Seriously ask anyone who has had it. I have never had someone say their narcotic (Stadol, Demerol, etc.) brought them relief; just made them feel drunk, stupid, weak and dizzy and unable to focus properly during contractions; the pain was still there and not dulled in the least.

Sometimes it takes doing something you don't like to get an idea of what you might like. Many times women who've had traumatic birth experiences look to alternatives like unassisted birth, home birth, midwifery care, a new OB, etc. because they find themselves victimized during what is supposed to be the most beautiful and sacred moment of their life. Birth does matter.

And I just had to take a moment to say that - just because I am pro-natural birth and pro-midwife and pro-homebirth and birth centers does NOT mean that I think I am better than you if you are going another route. I simply mean to share what I feel for MY birth experience. And I do not intend to generalize as our birth system is highly complex with a myriad of issues on all ends of the spectrum.

Of course this isn't directed at anyone at all. I really am not thinking of any individual person as I type this. I just had to get it out because I do talk often about birth and the last thing I want is to make anyone feel isolated or judged. And also I will probably be writing a lot more about my views on birth in the upcoming weeks as her birth month draws closer. So please keep an open and patient heart with me. My only goal is to clear my mind, get myself geared up for her birth, surround myself with positivity and prayer and hopefully empower you in your journey as well, even if it is a tiny bit.

And just to add this in because I have a feeling someone might ask, "How WOULD you feel if you ended up having a cesarean because you're so set on not having drugs and doing things naturally?":

If I end up having to have a cesarean I want to feel part of that decision (unless of course I'm unconscious and it's the only sensible thing to do!). Which is why it was important for me to choose a birth place that has a very, very low cesarean rate. My midwives at the birth center don't have narcotics or epidurals nor do any of them perform cesareans (they are not surgeons; OBs are). Therefore they only transfer in a true emergency or at the parents' request. Their cesarean rate (AKA transfer rate to the hospital for a c-section) is less than 2% compared to over 35% at area hospitals.

I feel comfortable knowing that I will be transferred in a true emergency and not because I'm on their clock. I have preferences for a cesarean if that is what happens, such as double-sutures and having Daddy stay with baby the entire time if they are breathing well, etc. just as I have preferences in a no intervention vaginal birth. I feel that I have put myself in a position of least intervention which drastically decreases the risk of needing a cesarean and in an environment that is favorable to having a quiet, peaceful birth where I can take my time and be taken care of. However if the need for a cesarean would arise from that place of peace where the midwives are very keen on detecting problems and only transferring in an emergency I would be all aboard to save my child's life and even my own life if it was that dramatic.

There is always a way to have a voice in YOUR birth, no matter how the birth plays out.

Inspired Birth

2011-05-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

There is a giveaway going on for a free copy of the book Inspired Birth by Birth a Miracle Services!!! I'm so excited to be entering to win this book as a hopeful Childbirth Educator and Momma and Christian!

On My Mind; A To Do List

2011-05-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

Okay I feel like I have a lot to do. I still have 20 weeks to finish preparing and am not in a huge rush at the moment. But I need to get my To Do's down and sort through my jumbled thoughts.

For Elaina and Abigail:
~~-Finish painting Abigail's dresser drawers and desk~~
~~-Finish painting the trim in both girls' new rooms~~
~~-Hang wall decor~~
~~-Order replacement windows~~
~~-Move the rest of furniture to 3rd story rooms~~
~~-Paint Elaina's dresser knobs pink~~

For Zoë:
~~-Move her things into the big girls' old room when they're out~~
~~-Move her to a Big Girl bed~~
~~-Mud holes in the walls, sand, touch-up and hang her decor~~

For Baby:
~~-With Zoë out of nursery begin painting nursery (WHAT COLOR?!)~~
~~-Purchase glider (it's my 'guilty want' this pregnancy!)~~
~~-Schedule 3D sonogram for mid-to-late July if we have moolah~~
~~-Install infant seat (early Sept)~~
~~-Pack bag (early Sept)~~
~~-Get bassinet and other gadgets put together~~

I'm sure there's more but those are the main things on my mind right now.

Halfway!

2011-05-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

I'm 20 weeks and we're halfway to meeting Izaria!!! I am absolutely stoked. One fear I had before the sonogram was placenta previa. I had never had this before and I think the reason I was worried about it was because I knew having it (and it not correcting itself) could mean the end to the natural water birth I'm envisioning for this baby's birth. Placenta previa is when the placenta completely or partially covers the cervical opening and it can pose risks such as pre-term labor and there is a slight risk to baby because if the placenta detaches early (higher risk of that happening with previa) it could mean baby doesn't get oxygen. Having placenta previa is an immediate ticket to the O.R. for cesarean delivery and I thank God for the technology we have for women who do have placenta previa so their babies are born alive and well! But I must admit my relief for not having a previa.

We found out the placenta was up high and in the front. What I'm loving most this pregnancy so far is how much I can feel her so early on because it isn't immediately in front and center of my belly like with her big sisters. Movements with them were so inconsistent these earlier weeks. I feel Izaria all the time!

Zoë is starting to pat my belly and say "Baby" and she even kisses my belly. I'll ask her where the baby is and she'll pat my belly (or sometimes my breast, ha ha!). I showed the older girls birth videos online as they are interested in being at the birth and I wanted them to be prepared. Well Zoë can't stand to be left out of anything so she toddled over and watched the videos as well. I think that is when she got that babies can be in tummies because before that when I'd try to tell her about the baby it was like the lights weren't on upstairs. It just didn't make sense to her.

But now she's all about the belly. I was trying to get Zoë to say baby sister's name today and it came out "Zah-ruh". She mostly just says the sounds rather than the letters. So darn cute! When she tries to say Izzy it sounds like "Zizzzzzzy" (one long "z" sound with a vowel in there somewhere).

I'm nervous about Zoë's reaction when baby Izzy is actually here though. If her big sisters try to cuddle on my lap Zoë screams at the top of her lungs, starts crying and pushes them away. I've been trying to ignore that behavior and calmly tell her it is Elaina's turn or Abigail's turn to sit with Mommy so she gets used to others having my attention. Plus I want time with my big girls, too!

I have to remind myself that Elaina was the same way (minus older siblings to push out of the way). She was on Momma and with Momma all day and everyday. I remember fretting over how she'd react when Abigail arrived but she did great. I'm praying Zoë is ready!

And Baby is a.......................................

2011-05-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

The day is finally here! I can tell you what we're having!!! By the time this post goes up (I'm writing this Saturday night and scheduling it to post on Sunday afternoon) we'll be cutting up a cake that has either blue or pink frosting in the center for my mom-in-law's birthday. So when we cut into the cake the family will get to see if baby is a boy or a girl!!! I'll post those pics or vid later (probably a vid).

Okay blah blah blah!

Just get to the good stuff!

What did you have for lunch today?

I'm really tired... and hungry now that I asked about lunch....

Okay so most of you just scrolled down to the picture immediately anyway..... I know it was YOU!

Here you go.................

Surprised? Shocked?! We were! We ALL thought baby was a boy! For the few who voted GIRL you were spot on! Four girls. I'm just beyond shocked, ha ha!

I think her name is.....................

.......Izaria Jewel.

Izaria is from the Hebrew name Azaria which means "Whom God has Saved". I just didn't want two "A" names in the family (we have Abigail) so I switched out the "A" for an "I" because I'm cool like that. Her name would be pronounced i-zar-ee-uh. Her nickname would most likely be Izzy or Iza (short "I" sound on those; not long like the given name).

Our children's middle names are always after a family member but with a little twist to be unique; Elaina Joi (different spelling), Abigail Lynn (after mom-in-law Lindee) and Zoë Beth (after aunt's middle name Elizabeth).

Daniel is the one who came up with the middle name because I wanted to use either Sue after my mom's middle name or Ann after my sister's middle name but they just didn't fit smoothly. Then in a light-bulb moment - he suggested my sister's nickname. Brilliant! (My sister is Julie Ann and we call her Jewels all the time.)

Daniel is still sitting on the name because he can't just commit to something in the spur of the moment (seriously... like ever! Unless it has to do with [good] food or wrestling or the Chiefs). But I'm pretty sure that is going to end up being her name! Will let you know when he finallllllllllly commits!

A namesake. A name. A GIRL! Ahhhhh! I just can't believe it. I'm getting a 3D scan just to be sure (I do this EVERY pregnancy because I'm never convinced, ha ha). And not because I don't want a girl but because I am a planner and NEED to be 100% sure or at least 99% sure.

I'm rambling. I'm excited! Okay go on your merry ways!

I know the baby's gender!

2011-04-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be so mean right now. I'm sorry in advance! But I can't tell you baby's gender yet. We're sharing with Daniel's family on Sunday and then I'll let you all in on the secret. I WILL share pictures from the sonogram though (well except for the shot of their privates)! That ought to cheer you up!

First off I am not impressed with the sonogram technology at this particular place but it served its purpose. We got to see baby and got to see "the goods". But my pictures stink. We could not get a good profile because baby was face-down with their face buried into the uterus. The sonographer (who was a dude! I've never had a male sono tech before) had to practically jab the device into the side of my belly just for the shot we did get.

They had their hands up by their face almost the whole time. Cute little fists!

And they had their legs stretched out and ankles crossed when we first peeked in on them, just chilling out. Adorable! They started moving and kicking a lot toward the end.

Most importantly baby is healthy and measuring perfectly (just one day ahead by measurements)!

I found out my placenta is anterior and high. Had that with my girls, too! Though I think this time it is higher than it was with them because I definitely feel flutters down low and a lot sooner and more noticeably than I did with them. I'm hoping the placenta continues to go north as my uterus grows so I can feel movements more clearly (the placenta tends to muffle them when it is in the front like this).

Baby likes to lay on my left side I've noticed. I feel most of the flutters over there.

We've always gotten 3D sonograms when pregnant with our girls so I'm debating getting one this time. I can get it for under $100 so that's cool but we'll have to see. It's kind of become tradition.

Sick

2011-04-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

So I've been sick all day. Now that evening is upon me I cannot sleep and am feeling better. Had horrible stomach pains and just felt ill and "off". My first midwife appointment at the birth center is tomorrow (Wed)! I'm so excited. We should get our sonogram date (could be this week, could be next), make sure all is well with little Gummy Bear and find out if they're a boy or girl (please oh please cooperate, Baby)!

I think I willed myself to feel better because I'm not missing my appointment!

I'm getting anxious to see baby, too. I have to remind myself it's still early to feel consistent flutters and movements. Things have been very quiet in there for several days and with an upset tummy it's been hard to distinguish bowel rumblings from baby flutters. The Internet is a blessing... and a curse. I know too many sad stories to not think the worst of the worst. Praying that all is well and baby is doing great!

Well I'm off to bed. I better get SOME sleep (even though I've been laying down all day). This is like Christmas Eve, sheesh!

Oh but before I go some pictures from our Easter (we do baskets on Saturday since Sunday is too busy):

Ahhh...... waiting for eggs to dye...

We dare all done dying eggs! Zoë went on to smash a few, LOL!

At Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpas' house on Sunday.

Saturday morning Easter basket treats! I think Zoë likes it. The big girls got the movie Tangled.

Resurrection Sunday - we always arrive an hour or more before service since Daddy works at church so that is why the seats behind them are all empty, ha ha!

I have more pictures of the girls, especially the big girls who would actually pose for me, but they're taking too long to upload. I bid you adieu and sweet dreams!

Christian Childbirth Blogs (Edited)

2011-04-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

I just came across two Christian blogs on childbirth and wanted to share since many of you are pregnant and/or trying and/or a Believer. Since it is harder to find more Scripture-based information on childbirth and solace from that I wanted to share these two blogs with you:

Made to Birth

Scriptures for Childbirth

I deleted everything I wrote earlier because it just was NOT sufficient or as well said as this post here at The Doula House titled If We Don't Tell Them About Natural Childbirth Then They'll Never Know which she actually got from naturalchildbirth.org by April. Oh my goodness! LOVE IT! Probably one of the best articles I've read on natural childbirth. We're not in it for a gold star or to rub anyone's face in our accomplishments. We promote natural birth because we care and love women and their babies!!!

Put your votes to good use!

2011-04-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

I decided it would be fun to offer a giveaway for those who vote for the correct gender. You can win one of my mustard seed necklaces (from a collection of currently created and available pieces; no customizations) if you live in the USA/Canada and vote for the correct gender!

I'll select a winner at random from the correct guesses in the coming weeks. So come on over and put your votes to good use! Click on the hyperlink below to go to the giveaway blog and enter to win. Additional entries available but the mandatory entry is to just vote BOY or GIRL.

Joy Belle Giveaway

PS As a secret additional entry leave me a comment here letting me know you voted on the poll at the top left sidebar of When Does Daddy Come Home?! Gotta give my personal followers a leg up and extra chance to win, LOL!

I don't want bruises!

2011-04-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

My sweet, sensitive Elaina girl gets particularly upset if her hair isn't done just right or if her clothes don't look or fit well. If she's especially over-tired while getting ready for her day it can result in meltdowns if she doesn't have things her way. And I'm all about self-expression but minus the whining. I've never told her or expressed to her that she can't wear her hair or clothes a certain way unless it is improper and even then I'm gentle.

Well tonight she just started freaking out. I think she was tired on top of it but she had a meltdown about the oh-so-normal bruises on her shins from being a kid and playing hard at school. She kept rubbing her legs and bawling, telling me she didn't want bruises on her legs!

Ladies I had NO idea what to do. I just smiled and told her all kids get bruises on their legs from playing and crawling around and just from being kids. I told her I get bruises when I run into things. I played it lightly but her vanity is starting to concern me. Is this normal for an almost-6-year-old?! I try to tell my girls how much they are worth without resorting to physical attributes all the time unless I know they struggle with a particular attribute (like Abigail hating having her hair brushed - I tell her how beautiful and shiny it is when Mommy brushes it). I constantly build them up because I know how hard it is to be a girl and struggle with self-doubt and insecurity. I was an outcast as a kid but Elaina is Miss Popular. It shows me that even a child who does have many friends has insecurities; maybe even more than an outcast because they're in the limelight and under scrutiny.

Well in the end when I ran out of things to say in trying to encourage her that bruises on her shins are a normal part of childhood I told her that as it warms up and her friends break out their shorts and skirts to check out their legs. I told her I bet they'll have bruises on their legs too! Elaina is the only Caucasian girl in her class, the rest are all Hispanic so I think it also just shows up more prominently on Elaina. I also pulled Zoë's legs out of her sleeper and showed Elaina how her baby sister, who is a wild thing and gets into everything, has bruises on her legs from climbing, crawling and just being a toddler! It didn't help.

I think I'm going to write her teacher a note so she can help me in encouraging Elaina that it is normal and perhaps they can have a class discussion. I feel so inadequate sometimes. God gave me three daughters and I need to learn quick how to help them with a strong sense of self-esteem and self-worth. I'm considering getting the book Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson. Any other recommendations? Any blogs out there that are specific to raising girls in God's ways?

Our Siblings (for gender question)

2011-04-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

Olive Oil asked me about the siblings on Daniel's side and my side in deciding on how she'd like to vote (gender poll on left sidebar). Daniel has two brothers and one sister (so three boys and one girl). I have three brothers and one sister (three boys, two girls).

Chelsea asked if breakouts were more common in pregnancy with boys - the answer is actually no. The old wives' tale is that when you're pregnant with a girl she will "steal your beauty" (breakouts, horrible hair, etc.). Of course I don't really believe in old wives' tales and had great, glowing skin when having my princesses.

Hope that also helps others in your voting!

Gender Scan

2011-04-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

Daniel and I might keep our upcoming sonogram date a secret. We don't actually have a date for it yet but when we know we may keep it hush-hush from everyone so that we can just jump out and surprise y'all when we want. So I'm 17-weeks which means it is coming up soon! I'm super excited. I think we're having a boy but I keep envisioning the sonogram showing us girly parts because that's all I have known so we'll see!

Put up a poll on the sidebar - what do you think we're having?

Here are some things about my pregnancy:

-My belly looks more like a basketball than a watermelon
-I did have a few breakouts, not very good complexion many days (did not have this with my girls; had a prettier complexion with them for the most part)
-Not craving chocolate like I did with my girls
-Loving ice cream (usually don't really care for it)
-I could eat chicken all the livelong day and I'm not usually carnivorous
-More nauseous this time than other pregnancies (started earlier and is lasting longer)
-Breasts more tender this time than other pregnancies

UPDATED TO ADD:
-Daniel has two brothers and one sister. I have three brothers and one sister. So boys are dominant.

I can't think of anything else but feel free to ask specific questions if you're still unsure of how you want to vote!!!

I've got feet on the brain!

2011-04-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

Back in August '10 I was jumping around and dancing in my family room with my daughters, having a grand old time. I was also doing a workout, really hardcore, trying to lose weight. But I was doing all of this barefoot on my hardwood floors and I've been suffering serious repercussions since. I woke up the next day with the most horrible foot pain ever and I have had it all day, everyday, since then.

I finally went to a podiatrist today, 8 months after this started. I had been doing the exercises that the Internet Doc recommends, icing it, massaging, using shoe inserts, etc., etc. But after 8 months with nada changing I finally felt it was time to go in. Especially after seeing Kahla's surgery (she had the same thing!) and realizing if I didn't get something going now I might be in the O.R. soon to correct mine as well.

So I have Plantar Fasciitis - the plantar fascia ligament is inflamed and torn and causes intense, stabbing pain in your heel when you walk, especially if you've been sitting for awhile and get up. I am limping. I am walking on the balls of my feet on my left foot. In the morning when I first wake up it was the worst and I literally hobble and/or drag my leg behind me to get up to use the restroom. Trying to walk down the stairs while holding Zoë is a joke. When I'm out in public it is not as noticeable because I am wearing my shoes with inserts and I am not typically sitting for prolonged periods of time. And again I walk on the ball of my left foot trying to mask how much pain I am in.

Dr. Foot (name changed) today prescribed me a good old walking boot. It is a big black boot I strap to my foot. I honestly didn't know how this would help but it was exactly what I wanted to try because I wanted to go down the road of least intervention (other ideas included cortisone steroid injections into my foot which he didn't want to do as I'm pregnant or corrective surgery which is a last resort).

My new friend though mine is not this tall; mine goes up half-calf. And yes, it pumps with air with that blue button! So cool!

After day one of wearing the boot I can say it has helped a lot. I took it off a little while ago and already felt so much better when walking without it. However one part of the boot is digging into my calf and now causing pain there. *SIGH* Can I win? Please? Just this once! I'll call the guy I bought it from at the hospital to see what he suggests. I may just have to wear a Baby Legs on that one leg for extra padding or something.

I do have to mention that --- I FORGOT TO SHAVE before my appointment! My leg wasn't horrible but it was noticeable and I was so embarrassed. The doctor came in, shook my hand, smiled at my chest (yes, yes he did) and once he lifted up my pant leg to check out my foot (why, Doc, why did you pull my pant leg up to my knee?!) I was just mortified. Luckily he was in there like 2 minutes, suggested the walking cast thing and follow-up is in a week. And yes I'll be shaving for round 2 of visiting Dr. Foot. Not because I am out to impress anyone but for my own self-esteem darn it. And because it's just yucky! I don't want to be The Hairy Patient, ya know what I mean? I have a rep to protect. ;-Þ

P.S. My hair cut came out really cute, speaking of cutting hairs.But because I don't have a cute picture of it (hard to take a pic of your cut yourself with your arm lifted up) I leave you with a super cute picture of Zoë tonight. I told her to show me her teeth to get her to smile because she wouldn't put her cup down. She's so stinking cute... and so stinking ornery!

The Carrington Necklace

2011-04-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

First of all if you are not following Carrington's Courage I highly encourage you to get on over there. Carrington was adopted from Eastern Europe recently. When she arrived in America she went straight to the hospital because at 3-years-old she only weighed 11 lbs! That is half of what my 18-month-old weighs to give you an idea though if you click on the link to the blog you'll see for yourself. Carrington was literally on the brink of death.

Great news is that Carrington is up 3 lbs in just one month and is scheduled to have some necessary surgeries this Thursday! Please be praying for her. She has to have all of her teeth pulled (except two in order to keep her jaw from collapsing) and she will also be having some other surgeries that I believe are intestinal. I also have to mention that her personality is budding and she really appears to love books! She has come from ORPHAN to PRINCESS with people all over the world lavishing love upon this little girl who was once abandoned.

I am the creator at Joy Belle where I make hand-stamped jewelry. I recently created a piece called The Carrington in honor of this sweet girl. Right now I'm giving her family $15 of each necklace purchased to help with groceries, gasoline or medical bills that I know are piling up.

*You can choose for yours to say "from orphan to prince" with green, blue and clear crystals instead if you have adopted or are adopting a son. That is the only customization available for The Carrington.*

IF YOU ORDERED ONE - please note that I'm working on getting them out as fast as I can. I have around 40 orders right now; I have to hand-stamp each pendant, polish it, buff it, dome it, polish it again, wire wrap every crystal and piece everything together and polish it one last time before packaging up and printing off shipping labels, etc. So it is work and I'm a one-woman show. Right now I'm out of pink jump rings and when they arrive within the next few days I'll be able to complete orders and ship them out ASAP.

IF YOU WANT TO ORDER ONE - the lovely woman that I order my absolutely amazing jump rings from has sent me double what I ordered because of this charity piece so new orders should get out much faster. If you want to order The Carrington there are two prices available and $15 of each order, irregardless if you purchase a chain or not, will go to the family until June 30th, 2011. After that date proceeds will benefit another family at Reece's Rainbow! The two prices are:

$23 - Pendant only (no chain)
$28 - Pendant with chain

S/H in the USA is a discount rate of $2.00 compared to my normal $2.50 rate because they are not gift-ready and I'm not charging handling fees. They will simply arrive in a plastic baggy with a business card that includes care instructions.

International shipping is quite high so if you want a quote for shipping to your country please message me on Etsy with your country and specific region. International shipping charges go directly to shipping costs; I do not keep any of it. Links with proof of cost will be sent to you if you message me. Canadian shipping is already available at Priority pricing in the shop.

HERE IS MY SHOP - if you notice The Carrington pieces are out-of-stock (as in you don't see it near the top of items available to purchase) please message me on Etsy to let me know what you're wanting to order and I'll message you back as soon as I can with a direct link to newly available necklaces for immediate purchase.

Be blessed and be a blessing!

Almost 17 weeks

2011-04-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy that I forget that I am pregnant until I finally lay down for the night and feel a few flutters. It always makes me smile! At 17 weeks my little Gummy Bear is about 5 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 5 ounces. I've got a list of baby names going but Daniel has been hush about it for the most part. I think we'll start to narrow things down once we know if we're having a "him" or a "her"!

Daniel and I went out on a date this past weekend. We went to Abuelo's and had some Mexican food. It was one of those things I really wanted and then once I got it I was like, "Ehhhhhhh... okay!" I avoided milk like the plague in my first trimester and now I'm guzzling it. I'm a chocoholic normally but I've not wanted it much this pregnancy. Every now and again I get a hankering for some but a few bites and I'm fine. Hope that habit sticks after baby comes; might help me lose weight faster!

Been doing a lot of decorating! Will post pictures of the girls' rooms soon. They're coming out so great and I'm excited to have the big girls move to the new rooms. Then it's a matter of moving Zoë into their old room and by that time we'll know the baby's gender (2.5 weeks!) and I can pick out paint for their room. I may co-sleep for a few months but I still like having the nursery set up. Daniel thinks I'm crazy but I don't think he understands. The momma bird needs to build her nest!

Went to my sister-in-law's house Saturday for a Ladies' Night. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow and seeing the movie Jane Eyre on Wednesday. I don't normally go out as much as this and it's nice! Mommas need to get out when and if they can from time-to-time.

After my hair cut I'm picking up an order I placed on Sears.com since it is on the way there and we'll probably hang out at the mall for a bit just to get out and be out of the house and especially as we don't normally go out toward that side of town.

Can't upload the picture of the haircut I'm having done so that is strange. I better get to bed so I'm not a zombie in the morning.

Thump, thump, thump!

2011-04-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

Somebody is IN there! I know because I felt them bump my fingers around midnight as I was falling to sleep (Saturday into Sunday). It startled me awake. Ever since I have this feeling that is hard to explain - a feeling of awareness of their being, an awareness that they're moving even if I cannot feel it from the outside. In the most basic English I feel flutterings.

Oh this is the best part! I don't know how but I have forgotten how amazing and magical this first contact with your unborn feels like. I still cannot believe I'll have a newborn at the end of this year. My master bedroom has a smaller room in it that I use for my jewelry studio and it has been overrun by baby stuff that I dragged down from our third story - bouncers, Boppy, swing and bassinet. I can't hardly get in there anymore and it is such a mess. I go through phases of the day where I'm grouchy or feeling ill so I haven't gotten around to figuring out what to do with it. Our house is Post-Victorian and they didn't know what closets were, ha ha! In all seriousness I have no closets to put this stuff in. That's why it was all laying around our third story.

Speaking of bedrooms I've painted the big girls' rooms already (except for the trim work; waiting for new windows to be put in first which should happen in about a month; consultation and measurements for windows happening this Tuesday).

Elaina's room looks exactly like the color of Pepto. We're going WILD on her side of the room. She is going to have zebra stripe accents, including a zebra stripe comforter. So I think the bright pink with black and white is going to be absolutely fabulous. Zebras are her favorite animal. I am really excited because this is going to be so fun and NEW!

Abigail's paint I actually found in the Mis-tint section for only $5 and it looks like purple orchids. Her side is going to be more whimsical with princesses and unicorns (though the latter is REALLY hard to find without it being really weird or for older people).

I love going upstairs to just look at their rooms. The purple and pink go well together (it is a loft-style so the rooms are open to each other). PICTURES TO COME when I get all the rest of my stored items out of the way.

Zoë is moving into what is currently the big girls' room on our second story. It is pink with brown trim so all I had to do was find her some sheets and a quilt (scored two sheet sets AND a quilt on sale for around $36 and shipped-to-store so no shipping charges at sears.com last night so head over there if you're in the market). She'll be moving to a twin bed and I definitely needed more sheets. I think I got the sheet sets for only $12 apiece (one set in pink gingham and the other in girly green gingham). The quilt was around $15. The rest of my costs were tax. Her room will remain shabby chic. Click the links to see what I got!e

Baby #4 will have the fourth room which is currently Zoë's room. If we're having a boy I'm painting the room green and doing an elephant theme. But if it is a girl.............. I'm ALL OUT of ideas. I've done the butterflies and flowers and everything else in-between it seems. I guess we'll cross that bridge if we even come to it. Maybe something yellow and cheerful. But again, we'll see what baby is first before I stress myself out trying to come up with ideas.

Are you doing any spring cleaning or painting? Love to hear decorating so if you blog about it leave me a comment to come check it out!

Birth Center Tour

2011-04-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

Oh my I am so behind! Well I'm in my 15th week but I look like I'm about 5-6 months pregnant. I just tell people I'm just so short the belly has nowhere to go but out! I got down on the floor to pet my Beckett boy (my cat) and I was on my belly; it felt like I had a balloon in there! Love it!

Well anyway on Wednesday we toured the birth center that I've been debating switching to. I already see midwives but they deliver at a hospital. I was really hoping for a home birth but I can't afford to pay a midwife out-of-pocket (insurance won't pay them) when I already pay for my primary insurance. Midwives truly are not expensive compared to the hospital bill you receive if you give birth at the hospital but if you don't have the money you just don't have the money. My insurances will pay for the whole kit-n-caboodle if I see midwives at a hospital or birth center. Unassisted birth is not an option for us.

That being said the next best option for us is a birth center. A birth center is a compromise between home birth and hospital birth. It is a place specifically created for the intimacy of birthing babies. It is also for low-risk women and they offer no interventions which means emergencies are very, very rare. All medical equipment is hiding and the rooms typically look like a regular bedroom with a regular bed.

Anyway back to our tour.......... the birth center we visited was located in an old seminary campus in a very old building (so cool!). It is a Christian birth center and their belief statement lines up with our beliefs. The grounds are absolutely beautiful at the birth center and I can totally see myself walking around under the trees to help labor along. Or in one of their beautiful labor tubs! They have four birth suites in total, two of which have birth tubs.

Here is the Moroccan Suite (and YES that bed is for the laboring mom!):

Here are some positive points to the birth center:

-Elaina and Abigail would be free to be there for the birth. Zoë could be there but I don't think it would be a good idea because of her very strong attachment to me. Daniel tickles me and she screams in terror that he's hurting me, for example. So I can't see her being there for the birth.

-There's a sitting room outside each birth suite if Daddy or one of the girls need to step out.

-Daniel can bring his guitar and sing for me, which is something I've always wanted but of course a hospital wouldn't allow that. How beautiful to bring our baby into the world with Daddy's worship!

-There is a little kitchenette in each birth suite with a little fridge filled with energy foods for laboring momma. Our tour guide told us one laboring couple went to the store down the street, while in labor, to get some items to cook in their little kitchenette for during labor and after delivery. FREEDOM! Love it!

-They bake you a birthday cake after baby is born; so sweet!

-No IV, no drugs, no EFM... basically no interventions! They won't even break your water here. This is a place for natural birth of low-risk women.

-Baby rooms in and doesn't leave Momma; breastfeeding is highly encouraged and supported.

-You can be discharged 6 hours after the birth; this might make some people incredulous but it makes me excited! There's no reason to be there; freedom to go home and be in our own environment is great.

-Two words: WATER BIRTH

-Free to labor and birth in a position you need to be in.

-Prenatal visits are at the birth center.

-You get to know every single staff member (two midwives and a few nurses) so there's no SURPRISE when you go into labor and get Dr. You-Don't-Know-Me. Very family-friendly atmosphere where you feel like you're visiting friends who just happen to be birth professionals. ;-)

So it seems like a no-brainer but Daniel hates change so he's needing time to consider. I am fine with waiting but only for a few days. If we're going to make the switch I want to get that ball rolling this week so I can get all the paperwork transferred. I have an important sonogram coming up so switching soon is high on my list of priorities!

♥

MORE INFO ON BIRTH CENTERS (I'm speaking of free-standing centers, NOT centers connected directly to a hospital):

Birth centers create an atmosphere that is conducive to labor and delivery. You're free to eat foods that increase energy, you're free to drink fluids by mouth, there are no IVs, no bands around your belly (they use a doppler for intermittent monitoring as external fetal monitoring has been proven to not be beneficial to women in labor on multiple levels), free to move as you need... there is so much more freedom to labor and allow your body to intuitively do what it needs to do. There are no epidurals at birth centers; only a few birth centers have other narcotics such as Stadol or Demerol so most women going to a birth center have med-free births for a goal.

In the event of the rare emergency at a birth center there is a clear transportation plan and backup hospitals. Most transfers are actually due to maternal fatigue for labors that last over about 2 days or so. Because birth centers are no-intervention (they won't even break your water at the one I visited!) the risks you would otherwise face at a hospital with high-intervention are very, very rare. Midwives are highly trained to catch any possible risks to mother or baby and respond accordingly.

A Few Mistakes

2011-03-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

In my previous post I talked about something that has been on my heart since I was a teenager. I talked a lot about International adoption. I sent the link along to the one adoption ministries that I mentioned in that post, Reece's Rainbow, to make sure it was alright that I used photos from their site and to just share my message.

And I got back a great letter from one of the graphic design directors who took the time to look my post over. She thought my post was great, which is awesome! But there were a couple things I was deeply mistaken on and something I think MANY people who've never actually been deep into the throes of adoption realize. So I'm going to copy and paste part of her message with her clarifications because I feel they are so important and eye-opening:

The one thing you mentioned is that the parents give up their children... it is more than just parents rejecting their child. For some countries, the parents aren't given a choice. But the thing to remember is that there is a lot of religious and medical misinformation in these countries. For one, the doctors tell the families that the child will not do anything but be a strain on them and ruin their family. Also, in their religion, a child with special needs is considered a curse on the family so the parents are afraid of their own child. That is why raising awareness is so important but also why we need our advocacy to be tempered with grace.* (*emphasis mine)

Also, you mentioned that the costs for adoption are high but the orphanages get that money. That isn't true. The majority of the costs for an international adoption go to the various US government departments. There are fees for the social worker and agency to do the homestudy, then there are fees for all of the many many documents that compile the dossier, there are finger printing fees and fees to obtain criminal background checks. Then there are fees to the US for the actual approval by the US gov't to be allowed to adopt and bring a child from another country to the US, and the fee for US immigration.

There are also fees in the actual country you adopt from, those fees are for the facilitator who helps the families and the facilitators work HARD for the money they get. They are working from the wee hours of the morning til late into the night for the families. But your dossier needs translating and there is a fee for that... the country itself has their government departments for adopting and there are fees for that and then on top of that there are the travel expenses. Most times the appointment date given by the country is only a couple of weeks away so the families are not getting discounted flights. And of course, they need somewhere to stay in country so there are accommodation expenses. As well, there is the cost of the child's medical appointment and visa, things they need in order to fly out of their birth country and be allowed into the US.

Overall, the orphanages get very little money.

I was recently reading through Threefold Blessings (she adopted three toddlers all at once!) and she mentioned in THIS post how they were giving the orphanage a gift of diapers. She also mentioned that in the country she adopted from, the Ukraine, each orphan is given a bank account from the government and deposits are made so that if and when the child leaves the orphanage they have some money to get them started in life. It is custom for those adopting through Reece's Rainbow to close out those bank accounts and donate that money to the orphanage. It's a GREAT post and she tells it so much better than I can relate as she was there so go check it out!

So I'm kind of sad the orphanages don't get a lot of the money because I know they need it to continue to care for the children who are still there and not yet adopted. By adopting and donating gifts and/or closing out the bank accounts for your adopted child(ren) to donate that money you'd be building a deeper relationship between the orphanage with Reece's Rainbow. Not to mention you'd be helping out those children still left behind waiting for their new mommy and/or daddy! (I forgot to mention - LOTS of eligible adoptions for SINGLE MOMS).

If you missed my last post check it out HERE. I'll be editing out the mistakes I had make so no one finds my post and assumes things in error.

And I just have to share the Child of the Month because he is so darn cute I could just squeeze those cheeks!

Alexander - (Down Syndrome)

I just shared his link to my Facebook simply by clicking on the Facebook icon on his page! Get the word out. Babies and children are counting on us to help them!

One of the most amazing commandments...

2011-03-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

When we think of commandments we automatically think of 'The Ten Commandments' but there are more exhortations than those ten. There is one in particular that strikes a chord in my heart.

James 1:27 states: "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this : to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (New American Standard)

Several blog posts ago I mentioned that Daniel asked me what my dreams were and I had to seriously think about it, had to remember dreams of old and new dreams that have crept up. And I promised to touch back on those dreams once I got my thoughts more collected.

Before I ever met Daniel my dream was orphans.

I have always had a very special place in my heart for them. It has been prophesied over me that I was going to be a mother to "the unwanted" and "the undesirables". I would design orphanages in my free time and envisioned my life as a director of an American orphanage where we'd bring in children from International orphanages and give them better housing, food and medical care. I have lost a lot of sleep over these children. This was before I had Internet, before I could actually go online and SEE their names and faces. Before I realized the gravity of the orphan situation in the world.

The truth, folks, is that kids and babies are dying in orphanages. I just shared a button at the top of this post for an 11-lb little girl who is 3-years-old!!! My Abigail probably weighed 11 lbs when she was 2 months old and sweet Carrington, left to die in an orphanage in Europe, weighs that at 3 YEARS old. Please click on the button and follow their story which is being updated by a family friend (if you click on her profile you can read all about her adoption journey to her own beautiful, adopted daughter).

I cannot adopt right now or I'd be filling out the paperwork this very moment. We don't meet the financial requirements. But I can pray, I can donate, I can advocate. I can help spread the word about the devastation happening. We are actually called by God Himself to take care of these little ones.

"Whatever you have done to the least of these you have done unto Me!" - paraphrase of Matt 25:40

How GLORIOUS to do unto God what you do unto these children when you pray, donate, advocate or start the adoption process. And if you read that entire story in Matthew it will give you chills, seriously. God cares about these little lives. I know many non-believers and maybe some believers say, "WHERE is your loving God if these children are dying?!" And the real question we need to ask is, "WHERE am I that I am NOT helping?!" God didn't do this to these children. What is being done to them started when their parents laid eyes on them and decided they weren't "good enough" or they just simply could not afford the medical care required to keep them alive. Sometimes parents are not allowed to keep their baby or their religion views their child as a curse because they have a disease or disability. What is being done to them is done by the care givers over them. We have a free will to make our own choices and sometimes innocent people get hurt and become victimized by the careless acts of other people. When we begin to advocate and adopt these children we are doing exactly what our loving God desires for us to do! It is what He would do Himself! We are ambassadors of Christ.

Daniel and I are going to begin donating to Reece's Rainbows. It is an adoption organization that provides adoptions for what the world considers the "highly undesirable"; those with Down Syndrome, HIV and other serious conditions. We can't donate a whole lot but what little we have we are giving. I hope this post builds an inferno of passion in your heart. Look through the photos of actual children awaiting families on this site!

Look into their eyes just pleading for a Mommy and a Daddy to come and take them away to an actual home with their own room, maybe with some siblings.

Having the Internet has been such a blessing because my dream of helping orphans has been rekindled several months ago. It has also opened my eyes, as I just said, to how devastating the orphanages can be to these children. Children who are more severely ill and getting "too old" to be adopted will be institutionalized if they aren't adopted in a certain time frame. This means they will not be adoptable any longer. This means they will be in an institution which is typically far worse than the conditions of an orphanage. For the severely ill it means being confined to a bed until they die. Some of the older orphans will be turned out of the orphanage to fend for themselves, typically with the label of 'orphan' and 'HIV+' which will make it very difficult to get honest work.

I know not everyone desires to adopt nor are in a position to adopt. But you can help simply by sharing with others or by donating $20 a month (skip Starbucks a few times this month or pack a lunch).

Some faces I was dreaming about last night:

Oscar (has Down Syndrome):

Josephine (has Down Syndrome):

Lauren (is HIV+):

Arlene (has toxoplasmosis, hydrocephaly, episyndrome, hernia):

Photos were taken from the Reece's Rainbow website.

This is my dream: to see children come home to a family who will love them unconditionally and give them a real chance at life. It was my dream when I was but a teenager, before I had an idea of the bigger picture. I believe it is a God-given desire that burns in my heart for these children. I don't know why I waited so long to take action. The more I read, the more faces I look at, the more I realize that there are more and more children waiting and waiting... is what I think is driving me to action now.

Now I'm praying for God to increase our finances but for a purely selfless and yet also selfish reason. I want to bring some of these babies home! We only need about $10K more a year and I know God can do it!

I will be showing my daughters these children in the days to come and explaining why we're donating money. No matter what passion burns in your heart get your children involved. Because we desperately need to pass on compassion to the next generations.

What is YOUR passion? What is your charity? What is your dream?

A Very, Very Special Day!

2011-03-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

On March 23, 2007 I went to bed with contractions that were still a little too far apart to rush to the hospital. I went to bed in anticipation, hoping to be woken up with my water breaking or with contractions that were intense enough to let me know 'it was time'! I woke up to the latter.

I called the on-call doctor and he told me to go on to labor and delivery. I decided to take a shower first and when I told Daniel the doctor said it was time for us to go in he started running around like a headless chicken. He didn't know what he was doing and finally remembered to call his parents to take Elaina.

I was too excited to eat anything (in retrospect that would have been a really bad move; EAT before you go or take protein bars with you if you're not giving birth at home!). We hopped in the car and off we went. I invited my mother-in-law to Abigail's birth so she followed in her own car.

When I arrived at the hospital I was put in bed with an IV and the monitors around my belly, BP cuff which was so uncomfortable to me. Being on my back in labor is the worst and deprives baby of oxygen, puts pressure on the spine, etc.. I was breathing really well through the contractions but asked for the epidural anyway. I was too scared to give birth without the epidural. They put me on Pitocin as well, without consent.

Abigail - 4 yrs old

I ended up vomiting about 5 times in labor, which I contribute to the epidural and Pitocin along with not eating anything, though women who have neither epi or Pit can vomit in labor as well. That's just my personal feeling about my experience. Anyway the doctor broke my water at some point and three hours later I was pushing. The epidural was wearing off so I could feel a little bit. I was on my back pushing with nurses yelling to hold my breath while counting to ten. My baby girl was born very purple and screaming.

I held her for a few seconds before they took her and began washing her at the sink. When I got her back she just cried and cried but it was a different cry. It sounded different, she sounded like she was in pain. My mother-in-law thought so as well and whispered to a nurse that Abigail seemed to be crying like she was in pain and the nurse brushed her off. The next day we found out Abby's collarbone broke during delivery when the pediatrician came in to check her out...

Despite her traumatic birth she ended up being the most joyous baby you'd ever meet. Always smiling, always happy, always content. She didn't want to co-sleep and ended up sleeping in her own bed, through the night, at 2-months old. She made me want a dozen more babies like her! She was also a wiggly little thing; always kicking her feet. She did this really funny thing as a baby where she'd purse her lips and spit! I called it her "duck lips" because her lips looked the a duck's bill.

Always smiling and happy

Happy 1st Birthday

Easter 2008

Abigail looks just like Daddy!

4th of July 2009

Abigail,

You are the joy of my heart. Your laughter is contagious and comes from your toes! I love all the silly things you say and come up with though when you argue with me I'm reminded of another ornery little girl (me!). You may look just like your Daddy but your personality, your imagination, your joy reminds me of me as an innocent little girl. I love eavesdropping on you when you're playing and talking to your "babies" and imaginary friends. I love how you pray!

You were a content baby and you're [often] a content child. When you get excited you scream so loud it pieces my ears! And when you're happy you laugh so hard your little body shakes. You're very compliant most of the time and eager-to-please but sometimes you have some sassy attitude, ha ha! I don't think you ever do it intentionally. You probably pick up your sassyness from watching and listening to your Momma!

You're already so smart! You picked up the alphabet and colors really fast. You also started talking sooner than your sisters at just 7 months old BUT you took your time learning to crawl and to walk because you were just so laid back with life. You are entering a completely new phase - from baby to toddler and now to preschooler. And I cannot wait to see how you blossom and grow.

I will always love you, always have my arms open to you. You'll forever be my baby. Forever...

Love,

Mommy

Happy Birthday, Abigail!
March 24, 2011

Building Our Nest

2011-03-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it is because spring has sprung or because I'm pregnant and have this strong desire to begin putting our home together to welcome another addition but....... I've gone a little nesting/spring cleaning crazy. We decided to go with moving Elaina and Abigail to our third story (if you read my last post I was debating on rooming situations for all the kiddos).

Elaina picked a pink for her room and Abigail picked purple. We have to save up almost $1000 just to replace the windows up there so I'm trying to sell some things I've had stored (and forgotten about) or just don't use anymore.

So anyway, back to my crazy cleaning. I have been dragging stuff down from our third story to our first floor laundry (our laundry room is the size of a small bedroom). I'll be storing what was up there in the laundry area. And I've been dragging what was in the laundry room, which doubled as a playroom, up to the third story. I left all the heavy stuff for some guys to move, no worries! I know my limits and actually feel great because I took my time and only took what I could handle.

I don't know why I chose this week to do all of this because Elaina is home all day for spring break (so I have three to look after, not two) and Abigail's birthday party is this Saturday! Her actual birthday is this Thursday. She is going to be four! She's my sassy girl, reminds me of me!

I've decided Zoë will move to the bigger bedroom since it is already pink and it has more room. I hope she transitions well! I'm really nervous about this part because I just don't know how she'll do with moving to a big bed AND a different room AND losing her big sisters to the third story around the same time. The bed she'll be getting from big sister is one of the bunk beds and it already has rails on it. It's too big to fit in the nursery so to a new room she will go! Won't happen for a few months but prayers welcome!

Spring Break is here! And some baby choices...

2011-03-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

My oldest is officially on spring break and I have no plans except to get her new shoes. I hope the weather stays spring-like for the break, too! I'd hate for it to turn back to cold or chilly. Any ideas for what we can do on spring break that doesn't cost anything?! Daddy doesn't have a break so it'll just be the girlies and me.

Right now I have a lot on my mind. I'll list them in bullet points. I need to get them out of my head!

1). I go back and forth with what to do in regards to my prenatal care and birth. Do I stay where I am with midwives who deliver at the hospital? Do I interview potential home birth midwives? Do I visit the two birth centers I've found (that are Christ-centered to boot!)? I like the midwives I have but I do not like the hospital.

I think I'm leaning more toward a birth center setting because I know they're Christians and when you're a person of faith that does make a difference. And Daniel can bring his guitar and sing to me which would be so lovely. AND they allow water birth (hospital does not). Daniel is not completely sold on home birth and the birth center takes the insurances I carry. This may seem like a no-brainer but I still haven't made any moves to check them out. I am still waiting for 100% support from Daniel to go and check them out.

2). Bedroom situations for the kids. We are co-sleepers, at least for the first several months. I have no idea what baby will want to do. Abigail did NOT want to bed-share and was the easy baby who never cried and slept through the night (I know... but don't get too jealous because Elaina and Zoë have made up for it, ha ha). So as it stands I have no idea if I should have a nursery prepared or if we'll just co-sleep. Part of me wants a nursery ready because that is just what I do and I like having it prepared even if they don't use it. Gender will play a HUGE role in what we decide to do. I have a few options:

          -Move Elaina and Abigail to the third story rooms (which requires replacing windows, installing some kind of heat system, etc.) and leave Zoë in her room. New baby would get the big bedroom.
          -Move Zoë into the bigger bedroom with her big sisters (more cramped) and the smaller bedroom would be for new baby.
          -Move Zoë into the big girls' room and switch Elaina to the smaller room. Baby would be in the bigger room with Abigail and Zoë.
          -Elaina and baby share a room; Abigail and Zoë share a room. Might require a trundle bed in the smaller room.

So most of that is probably confusing; it's really just for me to get it out and see it. The first option is the most ideal to me because everyone will have their own space and if another baby came along while living in this house the bigger kid bedroom could accommodate two kids easily. It's just getting windows replaced, the bathroom up there in working order and figuring out where to put the litter boxes instead as they are up there. Our third story is finished with a full bathroom and two bedrooms (no doors; more of a loft-type setting but easily two bedrooms with separate closets).

3). I had another thing but I cannot remember it for the life of me. Things are always better in threes so it drives me nuts that I can't remember, ha ha ha!

So my brain is a little fuzzy and I can't make solid plans on the second thing (bedroom issue) because I want to know the gender first. The first thing I think I just need to get the ball rolling and schedule tours/interviews. But I don't want Daniel to feel like he doesn't have a say. Arg! Time to go talk to him...

Big Renovations Coming!

2011-03-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

This is the year we're paying off debt... and finally starting work on our kitchen. My kitchen is an eyesore. It's more than an eyesore. If there was an ugly kitchen contest it could win. It is also very oddly shaped because someone put in a huge bathroom (without green-rock; it's a special sheet-rock that prevents mildew and mold caused by moisture from the tub/shower) behind one of the counters. It looks a lot better than when we first moved in...

*twilight music taking us back in time*

It was the year 2006 when we began looking for our first house. We looked at dozens of houses; some of them we didn't even get out and just drove by because they were super creepy or the neighborhoods were bad. A few smelled so strongly of cat urine or cigarettes that I walked in and walked right back out.

And then, while on a walk one evening in my in-laws' neighborhood we passed by this Post-Victorian house. There was no sign out front but it looked deserted. I walked up to the front door and peered into the door. The house was empty! We called our Realtor and she looked it up; sure enough it was on the market but someone must have stolen the 'For Sale' sign out front.

First impression? Beautiful, real oak floors and trim. A gorgeous staircase leading upstairs to three beautifully-sized bedrooms, a little bathroom with a clawfoot tub. A finished third story that featured another full bathroom and two bedrooms. But when you ventured past the dining room you entered a house of horrors!

The kitchen had blue carpet that was soggy (?!) and stank really bad, the sink and the cupboards were rusted out (I have NO idea how anyone kept anything in them), the stove was absolutely filthy and the walls were caked with grease and spaghetti sauce (I think..?). There were dead bugs everywhere, too. The laundry room behind the kitchen smelled like cats really bad.

And yet out of all the houses we looked at this was the one that met almost all our Must-Haves. Our mortgage broker heard about the house and told us we had to get it. We put in an offer and they accepted ours! That is such a good feeling to know we were chosen.We ripped out the kitchen carpet and put in cheap cabinets, my husband and his mom put in subflooring. We got a new sink and faucet that I still absolutely love. It was good enough to get by. We could fix up the kitchen later when we had more money..................

Fast-forward five years and we still have the same stock cabinets from Home Depot and the subflooring (no tiles, no linoleum... just lauan board).

No more, friends! I have put my foot down. I have measured, designed and redesigned and priced and finally have a plan in place for our kitchen. After we pay off our credit card debt we're going to purchase one-thing-at-a-time if we have to in order to fix this up. Daniel is pretty stoked with the design I drew up though he needs to double check all my measurements (always good to measure, remeasure, measure again and have someone else do the same) and we have to visit Lowes to make sure the lazy susan we are wanting is the correct size.

After the kitchen... we're moving onto our first floor bathroom. It currently has half of its walls and a huge hole in the floor due to our demolition that we had to stop due to spinal issues for Daniel and pregnancy for me. But Daniel is fed up too and going to work through the pain and get that work going and hopefully done.

THIS LINK may show you the design I did at Lowe's but if it doesn't work it may have expired. The blank space in the back is where our backdoor and playroom are so I just left all that back there blank. AND the cabinet to the left of the black dishwasher is supposed to be the sink but it won't show the sink basin and faucet (so weird). And of course there's supposed to be a countertop covering the dishwasher. *SIGH* I don't know why it isn't showing up properly.

I may try to find a different room designer online (if you can recommend one that'd be awesome).

My ABC's!

2011-03-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Jennifer over at MomSpotted!

A. Age: Just turned 26

B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you dislike: Dishes! We don't have a dishwasher but are planning renovations to include one!!!
D. Dogs: We adopted Sam, our German Shepherd/Shar-Pei mix from a shelter. She's a girl. I don't like her name but we wanted her to keep her name since she's 5 years old and that's what she knows.

E. Essential start to your day:   Food! I get shaky and feel ill if I don't get something in me. Usually just plain cereal. When I worked at a nursing home I'd always have bacon and eggs (droooooool) but not at home.
F. Favorite color:   Purple, deep jewel-toned purple NOT lavender
G. Gold or silver:   Silver for jewelry, gold for home decor
H. Height: 5′ 3″
I. Instruments you play(ed):   I don't play. I'm instrumentally challenged. ;-)
J. Job title:   Homemaker and self-employed jeweler
K. Kids:   Elaina (5), Abigail (4 in a couple weeks!), Zoë (16-mo) and baby in utero
L. Live:   In the USA
M. Mom’s name:   Rebecca though she went by Becky
N. Nicknames: Joy to the World, Joy Belle, Goose, Nae Nae (middle name is Renee), Munchkin, Midget, Runt (see a pattern? I'm the shortest one in my fam!), and MANY more
O. Overnight hospital stays:   My births
P. Pet peeves: Bad drivers, repeating myself (stole that one from Jen and it is SO true)
Q. Quote from a movie:   "I love, I love, I love you..." -Mr. Darcy (okay maybe not a FAVE but I can't think of anything else)
S. Siblings:   Three bros and one sister
T. Time you wake up: Most days between 7:30-8.
U. Underwear:   Granny panties; sorry but they're comfortable and I'm all about comfort! I don't like underwear up my rear end all day.
V. Vegetables you don’t like: Raw bell peppers; I like most veggies
W. What makes you run late:   My KIDS!!! Surprise!
X. X-rays you’ve had:   My teeth, my hand a couple times (slammed in van door once and slit my thumb clean open back in 2006).
Y. Yummy food you make: My homemade tuna casserole is a yummy one, my sister's recipe for onion-topped chicken is absolutely sinful, any baked treats (I've been called a "Bakeress" many times by friends), spinach-artichoke dip, my homemade potato soup is DELICIOUS

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Elephants!!!

Feel free to steal and let me know you did it so I can read yours! I usually don't post things like this but I feel like doing surveys. Sometimes you just like to gab about yourself, ya know?!

It's a BOY?!

2011-03-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

I was recently sent an Intelligender kit to review and was finally able to use it this past Thursday. You can use it as early as 10 weeks but because I was taking progesterone supplements I had to wait 10 days after the last pill for a more accurate reading. Now these tests are controversial (because of gender selection) but for women like me they can be fun. They are around 90% accurate. I've had many, many women tell me that it was accurate for them with only 1-2 women saying it was inaccurate.

In the past they've been slammed as a scam and I will admit I've been a skeptic! In the end I think it's just another fun thing to do when passing the time before your sonogram. The science is interesting and with so many accurate results it definitely has its appeal.

So you pee in a cup. Then you draw up your urine in a syringe and add it to a cup that contains the crystals that react to the urine and change it a color distinguishing one gender from another. A girl result is an orange color and a boy result is a dark green color. HERE is a link to some samples.

My result? It said............ BOY!

The girl results, I've been told, are more accurate than the boy results. So it's definitely still up in the air! I'm hoping to get that gender scan the last weeks of April or the first week in May.

And I'll be giving away an Intelligender kit at Girly Girl Giveaways starting April 1st. Would make a fun "Congratulations you're pregnant" gift to a recently pregnant friend or a great little game for you if you're currently pregnant and still have time before your sonogram. Anyone can enter, pregnant or not! Follow Girly Girl Giveaways in order to know when it (and other awesome giveaways) post!

♥

On a similar note I am over 12 weeks pregnant and today I had a prenatal visit with a midwife I haven't met before. I really liked her! We got to HEAR the heartbeat for the first time today (at my first sonogram we only saw it)!!! My heartbeat was so loud it was really hard for me to hear the baby's heartbeat. But I did hear the swish and swoosh of them moving away from the doppler. They were definitely in a lively mood. Daniel with his musical skills heard the heartbeat better than I did (musicians can just hear those quieter tones I think). This doppler didn't measure the BPMs so I don't know how fast the heart was either. So no gender guesses on that score!

Daniel and I have been thinking of baby names. Haven't come up with anything new. But we do make fun of a lot of the names we come across or their meanings. I'm pretty confident with my girl name list but still unsure about boy names. I think once we KNOW the gender I'll be more comfortable pinpointing their name.

Daniel was also recently out-of-town. He went on a missions trip and just got back the day before I took the Intelligender. The night he got back he asked me perhaps the most surprising question and one that I could only half answer...

"What are your dreams?"

I haven't thought about my dreams in a long time. And I was surprised he asked because it is out-of-character for him to ask. I think one reason for my bitterness our first year of marriage had a lot to do with sacrifice, losing my mom and dying dreams. Of course we were building new dreams! But part of me had other dreams that were put in the attic of my mind and left there until now when Daniel asked me what they are.

Every now and then I wonder what I would be doing or what I would do given the money or capabilities or just time. So I'm going to be asking myself what my dreams are these next weeks and I hope to share some concrete things and bare my soul. And I'm talking about dreams for ME, not as a wife or a mother. But as just Joy. I think it is so important to have your own dreams. While being a mother has always been a dream of mine (and a dream come true six times over now) I am definitely talking about the unfulfilled Joy dreams that I've buried away and the new ones that have crept up.

Do you have dreams? What are yours?

Things that make me smile!

2011-03-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

With three little girls you must know that laughter fills this house (so does screaming, shrieking, yelling and every now and then... silence reigns). Mostly it is me laughing at them. Oh their antics, their silly little phrases!

Like when Zoë twirls in a circle yelling, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Weeeeeeeeeeee!"

Or when Abigail says her prayers: "Dear Jesus, I want a baby brother. Please help my baby brother to grow strong and helfy. And to drink water and juice and pop so they can poop and pee. Amen!"

And like when Elaina says, "Abby stuck her thumb at me!" when she means 'tongue'.

I especially love it when Zoë walks over to me, all serious and just says, "Mom." Pause. "Mom." Her little eyes searching mine. I have no idea what she wants. I just parrot her back, raising my voice as I do it until we're both just yelling, "MOM!" back and forth to one another and we're both laughing.

I also love it when Zoë walks over, touches my cheek and pushes my face until I'm looking at her. If I look away she'll reach up and do it again until she is back in my sights. When she is satisfied I have looked at her long enough she'll toddle off.

And I love it when I ask Zoë if she wants something (bath, snack, milk, fill-in-the-blank) and she says, "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" as she runs to the bathroom/kitchen/fridge/fill-in-the-blank. She also says, "Yeee-sssssss" really, really cute. Oh how I wish I could get her to do it on camera. She'll be so serious and nod really slowly as she says it, too.

I have a harder time remembering the funny things the older girls say and do, probably because Elaina is at school most of the time and Abigail is my little independent girl who likes to play by herself a lot. The big girls were pretending to be singers the other day and started singing about the most random things... and yet I cannot remember what they were! I kept thinking, "I should so remember this for later!" And then I get distracted, of course.

Remembering Zoë's antics is so much easier because we're literally side-by-side all day long and a lot of her behavior is repetitive still. She loves to take toy cars and slide them on the ground making car noises (or trying to make the noises, at least). And she loves to pick up Barbies and make them dance around by waving them and stomping their feet on the ground and she makes them "talk". Mostly the Barbies just say, "Doo doo doo doo doo."

A really funny thing that happened today was that Zoë brought me a doll and I pretended to nurse it and said, "Does your doll want boobies?" She ripped that doll out of my hands without warning, started climbing up my lap unsuccessfully while doing her slow nod, face serious and saying, "Yyyyeeeeesssssssss". Apparently she doesn't get I was referring to the doll! LOL! I picked her up, plopped her on my legs and she just started laughing with abandon and patting my breasts. She was so excited. Newborns nurse for nourishment and hunger. Toddlers do it to bond and be close to their mothers. It was so precious! She doesn't get much anymore but it is still bonding, still closeness and touch. I rarely ever nurse her in the daytime. I only nurse when she first gets up and right before bed.

Abigail is also my expressive girl. She is constantly saying and doing things that make me just laugh out loud! I need to start carrying around a tablet and writing things as they happen.

Elaina is more serious, more emotional. She says and does silly things, too, don't get me wrong. She IS a kid. But mostly she just laughs at everything Abigail and Zoë say and do. She's like me; I'm NOT a good joker but I do enjoy laughing at other peoples' antics.

What do your kids say/do that make you just throw your head back and laugh?!

If Aliens Are Watching...

2011-03-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

I often think about this so I'm putting my mind to "paper". If aliens existed and they happened upon our existence what would they think of us? Would they be excited, surprised, shocked, disappointed, outraged, confused..? Here are a few things that come to my mind that would give aliens the impression that we honestly have no idea what we're doing to ourselves...

(Be forewarned that if hot topics bother you there are a few below. Read at your own discretion and please know I mean no disrespect to anyone for situations they may have been in.)

1). We kill our own offspring at their most vulnerable state. I'm talking about abortion. I don't care what people feel about it - if an alien race saw another race openly having sex and then terminating their young what would they think about that? How should we feel and think about that? (Please note that rape victims who become pregnant account for about 1% or less of all abortions*. Please read links provided at the end and please know I do feel very deeply for rape victims. I am not speaking of rape victims or medically necessary abortions, such as for ectopic pregnancy.)

2). We pollute our planet and our bodies. Cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, over-filled landfills, hormone-injected foods... we are slowly killing ourselves. While there are plenty of people out there taking care of themselves the repercussions of other peoples' choices cause tidal waves of disease that affect even the most careful (second-hand and third-hand smoke, for example).

3). Entertainers make hundreds of thousands if not millions while laborers only make several thousand. NFL players can get millions for a few years of playing a sport but a mine worker, a teacher, a contractor... these people are all struggling and working very hard with only enough to get by for the most part. I don't deny that athletes and actors do honest work but I do not know they are worthy of as much as they make compared to laborers and other workers. It just doesn't make sense to me.

4). Speaking of celebrities. They are admonished to use their celebrity, their money, to do great works. And yet when Brad & Angelina, Madonna and others adopt children from impoverished countries they are ridiculed and become a laughing stock and mocked. Does no one else see that irony? The problem with this is being finicky and being unsatisfied with anything and everything we can come up with. I personally applaud celebrities who adopt and do great humanitarian works.

5). This one is going to be hard to swallow but I'm putting it out there. I love all people but there are certain lifestyles I don't personally agree with (like doing drugs; I love the people just not the drugs they do) so please know where I'm coming from. Just because I don't agree with a certain lifestyle does not mean I hate a group of people or anything (and God doesn't hate them either; He loves us and we are ALL His children). BUT indulge me for a moment. Men and women are like two pieces of a puzzle. The pieces fit together. We were created to complete one another, to procreate, reproduce. What would an alien race think if they stumbled upon a race where men were with men and women with women? Would they find it natural? Would they find it to make any sense?

All-in-all I can't imagine an alien race would be impressed or learn anything from us that would benefit themselves unless they were WAY worse off than we are. We do have our good points, too. We have our beautiful architecture, our inventions and innovations, our wonderful foods. We have the majestic mountains and rolling seas, our creatures, our painted dusk.

This is merely to give you some food for thought, not spark any debates about who believes what because most people are passionately on one side of a fence or another. I just want to ask: if someone was on the outside looking in what would they see? Truly see.

What would you add the list?
Is there anything you think an alien race would see in our world that impresses them?

*Abortions links related to rape victims on Life News and Center for Bio-Ethical Reform.

P.S. I don't believe in aliens, ha ha! But when some backward thing or another comes up I always ask out loud, "What would aliens think?! They would think we're ________!"

On the Mend

2011-03-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

ETA - I thought I had blogged about being sick before this. I first got sick on a Thursday and by Sunday I was at the E.R. getting IV fluids. Finally better yesterday (Tuesday).

♥

My birthday was Monday and I spent it curled up with excruciating stomach cramps and diarrhea. I was still sick. I thought I had gotten over the stomach flu but alas it came back with a vengeance just when I thought I was better. Thankfully resting all day Monday resulted in the pain going away AND scoring some pizza for dinner for my birthday. I had been eating crackers, broth and other boring food when I was able before that, for days on end. I ended up losing 6-7 lbs from this stomach flu.

The day before my birthday I was up all night long in the bathroom. So much so that I was terrified I was losing a quick battle and I ended up going to the E.R. for I.V. fluids on the recommendation of one of the midwives in my midwifery group. The fluids and anti-nausea they gave me made me feel so much better.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was the first day I finally felt like myself but I did too much, too soon. I got up bright and early for an appointment, had to drop paperwork off at another building, post office, bank to cash my birthday check, lunch with the girls, Walmart, dollar store, Hobby Lobby to spend my birthday money and a party supply store to check the goodies out for Abigail's birthday. I try to get all my errands done on the same day because of gasoline; most stores are all clustered together about 30+ minutes away. But it was just too much after being so sick for several days.

By the time I got home there was one hour to unload everything before picking Elaina up from school. From there it was homework, dinner and I made the girls clean up our third story (they trashed it! They're no longer allowed to play up there until they're a bit older). By the time I got the girls in bed I was so nauseous that the mere thought of food made me want to hurl. I ended up going to bed before 8pm (if you know me IRL you know that's crazy early for me).

Before I hauled myself upstairs to bed I was laying on the couch willing myself to feel better. I turned on American Idol and had to shut it off. Some feminine guy with long, curly hair was strutting around and flipping his hair like Beyoncé. I don't mean to be mean (okay maybe I do) but I couldn't handle that. I'm sure he's a nice person but the singing was just not my thing. I didn't watch anyone else because by that point I had to go to sleep to avoid the nausea.

Daniel got home a little while later and woke me up to make sure I was alright and already the nausea was gone but I decided to continue sleeping or I'd be up the rest of the night. Too late! When Daniel came to bed I ended up tossing and turning, wide-awake, for hours.

So this was a pretty boring account of a day-in-the-life-of me. I'm just glad to not be sick anymore and to be able to eat real food!

P.S. I'm 11 weeks today!!! My little baby in my interactive ticker looks like a mini-baby now!

Wow, so much!

2011-02-22T20:03:00.000-08:00

First, thank you for all the prayers and well wishes for Zoë. After I wrote that post yesterday she choked on a cracker she was chewing on and threw up all over me (and I can't handle vomit, especially when pregnant so I was gagging and then felt so guilty for doing it). But today she was back to playing and not needing to sleep all day, she was eating more as well.

Our weaning backfired with the illness. We were down to one feeding a day (in the morning) but we're back up to 2-3. I don't mind at all. I wouldn't mind tandem nursing either. I'm just going with the flow and meeting her needs. She was very upset about having to go to bed tonight so I asked her if she wanted boobies (I know, I know... that's what I call it!) and she nodded and said, "Yeee-ees" in this pitiful voice. She went right down without an issue even though I don't think she got much out of them.

And I've decided to pass giveaway blog on to one of my reviewers. If you're not aware I run Girly Girl Giveaways (well... DID run it) but I just can't keep up with it on top of my Etsy, being a mom and other activities and things I involve myself with. I just can't be Superwoman as much as I want to! I'll be writing up my final reviews and giveaway in April and if any review options come up and I find the time I'll probably guest post over there. I'm still listed on there as the Creator of the blog but have passed the buck to someone who has it so much more together. It just isn't my forté!

I have been a community leader in a pregnancy forum at MedHelp for a few years. I've been very active in this community and it is a huge passion of mine (duh! Pregnancy and birth are pretty much all I talk about for the most part). So as part of my 'job' there I get to try out new features and I just created a group called, "We Want a Natural Birth". It's a forum devoted to natural birth and how to plan for your birth. Come and join if you want! You do not have to be currently pregnant; you can just join to add your words or wisdom or prepare for any future births. I just started it tonight so it's quiet. I need people to join and get some great discussions going!

So what's up with the kiddos?

Elaina - in Kindergarten now and she can read! I am just amazed. She is ahead of her class in reading, it is definitely a strong point for her. They're doing a lot of math, spelling and science as well. She's got a little boyfriend and all these boys tell her that they love her all the time. Definitely keeping a watchful eye on this one... ha ha!

Abigail - She is constantly saying the funniest things with very clear diction! She is getting ready for pre-kindergarten, hopefully. The school hasn't made final decisions on who will be attending Pre-K and I'm really wishing they'd get on it. I can't prepare my child last minute if they decide she gets in and I can't prepare her for school if she doesn't get in or she'll be crushed. She's ready, so so so ready! She's scared about school but I know she'll do great.

Zoë - her name means 'life' and she's full of it. She is constantly into something and I say, "No, no, no!" all day long so now she'll wag her little finger at me and say, "Nuh, nuh, nuh" right back. It's interesting to watch her mimic her sisters because when Abigail was mimicking big sister Elaina at the same age, Elaina was still pretty young. With a sister who's almost 6-years-old and another who's about to turn 4, Zoë mimics them with a lot more kid-behavior than toddler-behavior.

Have you done anything recently to help simplify your life? If not do you need to simplify?

ER Visit

2011-02-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

Zoë has been down to one nursing session a day (in the morning when she wakes up). And of course as soon as we're down to hardly nursing at all she falls sick, more sick than any of my other girls have ever been. She woke up Thursday morning smiling but didn't want to nurse. And then she vomited all over me. Every half hour or so after that she vomited again... and again. She became very lethargic and wasn't whining or crying, just staring or dozing off.

If you know Zoë in real life you know she never stops moving, she is always into something, always wiggling, never wanting me to sit down when I hold her (that's right... even I have to keep moving when I'm holding her so she's moving and not missing anything). Well that day she would lay there motionless and stare at me with dull eyes. I knew it was time to go to the ER.

I set her down to fix the big girls' lunch and she just laid there. Normally she'd get up and cry or whine at me. The towel was draped over me when holding her because she vomited on me so much I had to keep changing my clothes.

Luckily we have an amazing Children's hospital that is 5-10 minutes down the road (depending on lights and traffic). We got in to triage where they gave her some Motrin for her fever and took down her symptoms. After waiting in the very full waiting room for a long time we got to a private room. They did an x-ray of her stomach to rule out blockage and a blood test for I-can't-remember-what and they also did a urine test. They had to stick a catheter in her until she peed and that was so horrible. But the nurses are very skilled in treating sick little ones.

The prognosis was that her urine was "dry" and it was time for IV fluids because she wasn't keeping any fluids down by mouth. She was too weak to fight any of us but she did cry quietly when they put the IV in her hand. The nurse commented her veins were flat but she got the needle in. They taped her entire arm up to a little pad and got the IV fluids going. They also gave her anti-nausea. Zoë immediately fell asleep in my arms. When she woke up she was laughing and playing but still a little weak.

After her IV she had to keep down fluids by mouth in order to be discharged. She looks SO much better after the IV (you can see she still has the Heplock on her right arm).

She got so dehydrated in just five hours of vomiting at home. All I can say is if you feel your baby is sick and acting "off" don't hesitate to take them to the ER or to at least call your doctor to see what they think you should do.

The night before last was horrible. She had painful gas and was just screaming and crying all night long. She didn't want me to hold her, didn't want me to put her down, didn't want Daddy... I finally brought her downstairs and collapsed on the couch. She finally went back to sleep from sheer exhaustion I think.

Today Zoë is sleepy but eating and able to hold liquids down. She ate dinner last night and was so famished! And she slept in her crib and only woke us up once. She is doing much better and while she woke up happy this morning she's back to being sleepy and clingy (she's asleep in my arms as I type this). A nurse from the Children's hospital called to followup on Zoë (how nice is that?!) and told me when babies are nauseous they will sleep. She's definitely more herself (whining and crying when she's uncomfortable instead of motionless and not crying) but still recuperating from her horrible virus.

Praying all of you are healthy and safe! Something nasty is going around.

We have a heartbeat!

2011-02-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

You may have seen this on my other social media but for those who have not............. we have one sticky little Gummy Bear (as Daddy calls them) with a strong heartbeat. The sonogram tech did not listen to the heartbeat, though, so unsure how many BPMs.

I had to take a picture of the printout of our sonogram. Check out how cute they are!!! You can see that the more round part on the left side is the head. You can also see the space between skull bones. Then you can see two tiny little hand nubs on either side of their cheeks. Baby is still curled up and limbs haven't stretched out yet (check out the ticker on the left sidebar for comparison).

Our Valentine!!!

Okay I feel immense relief. I have been so nervous I was giving myself acid reflux. That or it was something I ate. But I'm pretty sure it was nerves since it all dissipated the moment I saw the flickering heartbeat. The sonogram chick did a vag ultrasound even though I'm over 8 weeks. My husband said the look on my face was classic when she said it would be vaginal. I absolutely hate vaginal ultrasounds... then again who doesn't hate them?!

The ultimate thing is that I got to see the baby and put my mind at ease. My last miscarriage resulted after my progesterone dropped so I was just scared it happened again and the Prometrium I've been taking was only delaying the inevitable loss. RELIEVED over here! And it brings tears to my eyes because I feel that if we hadn't supplemented I might have been staring at a repeat of my last miscarriage's sonogram. I just reread that post that I linked to and I am in tears.

Alright let's get back on the happy track! All is well this time around and my new EDD based on measurements is September 21st. Though I like to think of the EDD as more of a "due month" rather than actual date. I want baby to come when they are ready so long as it is after 38 weeks. Stay snuggled in there, Baby! We've got 7 more months of gestating.

♥ ♥ ♥ Valentine's Day ♥ ♥ ♥

After our appointment Daniel took me to Jimmy John's because I was craving hard. It was only 10AM but I was ready for lunch (he was, too! He fasted breakfast in prayer for our sonogram). We both got Italian Night Club and I did really well until halfway through when the morning sickness interrupted. Thankfully I did not lose what I had eaten or I would've been so bummed! I probably wouldn't have wanted JJ's again if that happened. That would be a sad, sad day. Daniel told me, through a biteful of his sandwich, "Sometimes I LOVE your cravings". This guy hasn't eaten out in MONTHS might I add. He was pretty stoked.

And then a little while ago my husband, who is a singer and guitarist, posted a video of himself singing a love song he wrote. You can listen to it HERE. He is super tired today but it was sweet he put this together for me and posted it. He's NOT a Valentine's Day kind of guy. So the JJ's lunch and the video were totally awesome!

All-in-all a very, very amazing V-day over here. I can't wait for Elaina to get home in another 30 minutes so I can show her the sonogram pictures and hear about her class party.

Pre-Sonogram Jitters

2011-02-13T19:52:00.000-08:00

In about 12 hours I'll be driving to my first sonogram for this pregnancy. I'm so nervous! And I AM excited as well. I am hoping for the very, very best and am hoping to leave with a cute picture of our little jelly bean (or beans!).

So in lieu of trying to keep positive tonight I thought I'd share my list of baby names! As many of you know "Caiden" was a name we had really, really wanted. Because it has become so popular in the past 6 years when we first decided on it if we ever had a son my husband is now unsure if he wants to use it. Here are other names we're considering:

BOYS:
Tobias
Noah (VERY popular but one of my faves)
Benjamin
Joshua
Ezekiel
Zechariah

GIRLS:
Briana
Lauren
Melanie
Meghan

If we have a son his middle name will be Isaac. That's just a given. If Daniel changes his mind on that I will definitely be putting my foot down. My absolute favorites of the first names are Noah and Ezekiel. I think those two go really well with Isaac as a middle name. Noah Isaac or Ezekiel Isaac.

If we have a girl I want to use either my mom's middle name Sue or my sister's middle name Ann. I really love Briana Sue because it uses the "Ann" in the first name and then the middle name could be after my mom. Plus my daughters LOVE the name "Susie" and want me to name a girl Susie. I thought the middle name as Sue would really give them that nickname they love and everyone wins! But Daniel is hoping we don't need a girl name this time around (though he WILL be excited no matter what the baby's gender). LOL!

Daniel won't commit to any names until he knows the gender. Talking about names is like trying to pull teeth. He just doesn't want to cooperate. Honestly thinking about names is a little weird to me at this point, too, since pregnancy is always just so surreal until those baby movements can be felt.

Now I have a funny quote-of-the-day that I have to share because it made me laugh so hard. My husband, if you don't know, is in a worship band. His keyboardist and best friend, Dave, was talking about the sonogram tomorrow. This guy fasted food and drink for an entire three days for our unborn baby! Talk about love and commitment.

Anyway today he very innocently asked me, "So if you guys have twins........................... can I have one?!" I didn't hesitate to say, "No" all the while laughing. It was just really funny how he said it.

Okay so that was my more uplifting and trying-to-not-be-nervous post! I cannot wait to update tomorrow (Valentine's Day) on what happens at my appointment!

Pregnancies, Births and Babies!

2011-02-10T19:03:00.000-08:00

I think we're in another Baby Boom era. Almost everyone I know has just had a baby, about to have a baby or just found out they're pregnant. The following are bloggers that I follow and LOVE following. They're wonderful people so check out their blogs.

I wanted to point out one woman in particular whose story has held me captivated since we were pregnant together (me with Zoe and she with her son). Go say hi to Erin who just got a positive after having two snowflake babies placed in her womb. We're hoping for twins (or more?!?!?!) for this family!!! If I'm correct this is her first IVF cycle since having her son and it resulted in a positive quick. I'm thinking multiples for her!

Baby Danser had twin girls a little bit before I had Zoe so this is another pregnancy buddy. She just had her third baby, a sweet little boy, on the last day of January. Go look at his sweet face because he is SO cute!

My AMAZING friend, Amber, also has TWO sweet bundles on the way to her. She and her family are adopting two children from Belize. Please go give your support and prayers! She is not able to have anymore biological babies but I KNOW that God is going to use her to be a mother to children who desperately need her. We are not mothers of only those from our womb but those whom we open our heart and arms to. Oh my gosh I'm crying just thinking about her story and just the passion she has to adopt these babies and just how BLESSED they are going to be to become Americans and be raised with such God-fearing people.

Another pregnancy buddy of mine from when I had Zoe is Rebekah! She is already on her way to her second trimester and is going for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean)!!! I'm so proud of her choice to stand up for her rights to the birth she desires.

And of course I cannot leave out Mel who is pregnant on her own after having many fertility battles to get her firstborn in her arms. I'm going to cry again because God is SO good and has given this woman such a gift. Not only the gift of life but the gift of opening her womb. She expected a long road to baby #2 and at times it was so daunting to her I don't know that she even wanted to try. Infertility is draining and discouraging. How amazing our God is to just place this sweet baby in her womb as a surprise!

My friend Susan had the best pregnancy announcement on her blog! LOL! Go read it. I just love her. This is another friend of mine who is going to have a VBAC and has left some awesome comments on my blog that I'm actually going to post soon. Such a thoughtful and thought-filled person!

Now this isn't a pregnancy or birth announcement. But it is a wonderful milestone that I want to mark and point out. If you have never read Rebekah's blog over at Heart Cries you should. Go to the beginning, the very start, and read up to the present day. She adopted sweet Ty and has a wonderful open adoption with his birth mother. Happy Adoption Day Anniversary!!! To me she is the Proverbs 31 woman. Her heart is so pure before God, she is so real and honest, she is just amazing.

Miss Becky is pregnant with her second (we suspect a GIRL) after struggling with fertility issues as well. I'm so excited for her as I know this baby was very much wanted!

I also have two other friends I want to give shout outs to, one blog that has been quiet and the other is set to private! Andrea is having her second baby boy this year and is such a great mother. I know she's going to transition to a mom of two so well!

Marisa (BFF to Mel mentioned above) is having her third baby, also a boy, on February 23rd. My SIL had a chance to go on vacation and visit Marisa and Mel. You would not meet any more real and sweet women in your life. Marisa loves God with her whole heart and it shows. And she is seriously an amazing mother.

Congratulations to you all!!!

=============================================

If you want to be added to this list or my blog roll on the right sidebar please please leave a comment! I have a long list of blogs I follow but the blogs I check in on the most are on my sidebar. I'm going to be cleaning up my sidebar and hoping to add some new blogs to the list, hopefully yours if you let me know!

Just let me know:
The URL
If you are pregnant, trying to conceive, struggling with infertility, a medical blog, etc.

Cravings

2011-02-08T18:36:00.000-08:00

Countdown to the sonogram is now t-minus 5 days! Daniel didn't realize until yesterday that the sonogram was just this next week and he got super excited. I, on the other hand, am nervous. I'm keeping busy to keep my mind off of it but I know Sunday night I won't get any sleep. Good thing our sonogram is first thing in the morning so I won't have all day to fret and wait!

Okay so I couldn't remember feeling this ill this soon. And then I remembered back to when I was pregnant with Elaina and how there were times I couldn't eat anything because I thought I'd throw up. Amazing what you forget and what you remember. But yeah I guess I was pretty ill early on with Elaina.

I can't really decide what I'm craving. I'll want something so bad and then when I get it... it ends up being just okay and I don't want it anymore. Deli sandwiches are a staple (I get mine toasted) loaded with Italian meats and cheese and jalapenos and all sorts of veggies. I really like creamed corn and potato anything. Sweets are making me feel a little ill this time around.

So thus concludes my totally boring post on absolutely nothing in particular, ha ha!

Drugs

2011-02-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

Okay so this is going to be a different drugs post. It isn't about street drugs or even about drugs taken in labor and delivery. It is actually about a life-sustaining drug that is hopefully keeping our little bean alive. I'm talking about Prometrium, a progesterone supplement.

When you ovulate a cyst is left on the ovary and is called a Corpus Luteum Cyst. It produces the hormone progesterone which signals to your body that you are pregnant and to not menstruate. If your progesterone is low it could mean the end to a viable pregnancy. This cyst will produce progesterone until the placenta forms and takes over (anywhere from around 8-10 weeks).

My last miscarriage - my progesterone was dropping while my hCG was rising beautifully. I kept asking for supplements because I was nervous. The nurse on the phone kept putting me off and suggested we keep doing blood tests. I started bleeding after one such call. Practically in hysterics I called again with the mindset of demanding the meds and I got the on-call doctor who prescribed the progesterone without a second thought. But it was too late. A sonogram several days later showed "fetal demise", a medical term for an embryo or baby without a heartbeat, and a gestational sac that was already breaking up and irregularly shaped. Mere hours after taking my last progesterone supplement I began miscarrying.

So when I got pregnant with Zoë, right after the miscarriage, my new doctor (yes, I switched!) didn't bat an eyelash at my request to have progesterone right away without a single blood test. I started taking it and sure enough I had a full-term, healthy baby girl. I have no idea if the progesterone was needed or not but it gave me peace of mind and my daughter is alive. You see if your pregnancy is abnormal and you're going to miscarry anyway progesterone can just hold off the inevitable. It isn't a means to bring a pregnancy "back to life" or to keep a fertilized egg healthy. It merely keeps your body from menstruating/miscarrying until you can get a sonogram to see what is going on.

Okay so now this pregnancy I got hCG checks. But because I'm with another new group, a group of midwives, they didn't want to just give me progesterone. They did blood tests over the course of two weeks and with snow storms the tests were many more days apart than you would usually have between tests.

1st Draw- hCG was 109 and progesterone a little over 15
2nd Draw, four days after 1st draw- hCG was 624 and prog over 15
3rd Draw, week after 2nd draw- hCG was 11,000 and prog 11.6

If you don't know what the numbers mean: hCG should rise at least 60% every 48-72 hours. Progesterone is a number they like to see above 14 at my midwives' office but some doctors prefer it to be over 20. Anything under 10 is worrisome to anyone in prenatal care. Progesterone should rise in pregnancy as well, though its climb is way slower than hCG. When it drops it is cause for concern.

No bleeding this time. I got the progesterone immediately after seeing that my progesterone dropped. My prescription wasn't called in to the correct pharmacy so I was there for over an hour before I finally got the pills. I took one immediately when I got home and the fun began...

Progesterone can make you very dizzy. Some nights are worse than others for me and I'm not sure why. Maybe I hadn't had enough water during the day. Anyway some nights I am so dizzy I feel like I've been out partying with one-too-many if you know what I mean.

So if you paid attention to my hCG results above you'll notice that the last draw tripled. I can't help but wonder if we could have twins (my grandmother had two sets). It is NOT always indicative of multiples but a lady can dream, can't she?! We'll know for certain what is going on on February 14 when I get my viability scan. I'm hoping for a heartbeat, or two, on Valentine's Day. I cannot tell you how difficult a time I am having while waiting to see the fate of our little one. And I'm hoping it is the best Valentine's Day I've ever had!

Sorry to sound like an infomercial (as I told a friend recently when she asked me for some conception secrets). I have to realize that some of you reading may not know all the lingo or medical terms so I wanted to explain them fully. Not the funnest post to read but hopefully informative!

Feminist Breeder

2011-02-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

Today I stumbled upon the blog The Feminist Breeder and more specifically this post entitled "Why I Won't Leave My Births Up to Chance". There is a huge movement across America right now, a blessed movement, that can be called feminist. Normally I am not of a feministic mind and I'm very old-fashioned. But in the delivery room you can call me a Feminist with a capital 'F'. Truthfully what was once considered the norm for birth hundreds of years ago is, well, old-fashioned but today it is called feminism because women have to take back the power that has been taken away from us in the delivery room. Women are standing up and saying "No" to the unnecessary interventions being thrust upon them by doctors, nurses, and even some midwives.

It is a movement that is passionately bringing awareness to the facts and horrifying statistics in today's American childbirth system. Many of which I am reading about in the book Pushed by Jennifer Block.

Okay so the post by The Feminist Breeder (TFB) really got the wheels in my brain turning. I'm going to pull some quotes but please do go read her post if you have a moment. She wrote it so well I don't even want to paraphrase her. She herself had a cesarean delivery after her doctor said she couldn't push her 8-lb baby out and then she went on to have a 10-lb baby vaginally (known as VBAC or vaginal birth after cesarean).

TFB Says - What happens during a woman’s birth is not all up to chance. Maybe some of it, but certainly not all of it. Despite their best intentions, what most women don’t know is that those interventions can be nearly impossible to avoid without having comprehensive birth education...

I think this little blurp says the gist of it. We are constantly having medicalized birth flashed in front of our faces from the media. Anything that is not mainstream (i.e. home birth, midwives, doulas) is considered flaky, irresponsible and downright crunchy or hippie. And yet when I flip on the TV and see a laboring woman tied down to a bed with wires and cords snaking out from all around her my heart just sinks. Is this what birth has become? Is this what birth is meant to be? Is THIS considered normal and responsible? To make a laboring woman look like a sick patient and for interventions to cause her to tear, to have deeply cut episiotomies, forceps pulling on her precious newborn's head... all of these things happening to her instead of allowing her body do what it was created to do?

And then I see a home birth video of a woman bearing down, perhaps squatting on the floor or in a tub of water, completely uninhibited without a single wire in sight while her baby is born into her very own hands as she cries and says, "I did it. I really did it!" I cannot help but rejoice with her. THAT is what I want for women, for me, for our babies!

I can see myself as that first woman, tied to the hospital bed. In fact that was me during my first two births. I went in with the mindset, "I want to TRY natural but if I just can't handle it there's always the epidural waiting in the sidelines." I pretty much set myself up. I didn't take a single class on childbirth, I had no idea what to do when the contractions hit me and I found myself suffocating through the contractions. My fear was greater than the pain which made the pain more intense than it truly was. It is like being in a kiddie pool, drowning, without realizing that if I just put my feet down I could touch the bottom, stand up and breathe.

So I got the epidural and I got it almost immediately. I did not even try to labor without it. The epidural immediately threw out the window the ability to get up and move around and moving around is the best thing you can do to decrease labor time and dilate that cervix. I was tied to the bed with an epidural in my spine and a catheter between my legs, an IV in my hand, a blood pressure cuff on my bicep, a heart monitor on my finger tip and two huge itchy black bands wrapped very tightly around my very sensitive and contracting belly.

And........ laying there caused the contractions to slow down. They gave me Pitocin to speed them back up. But the thing they don't tell you about Pitocin is that while they are stronger contractions they are less effective than your body's natural ability to contract. Pitocin increases your labor time. When it is time to push often the mother cannot feel to push and can be whisked away for a cesarean for "failure to push" if the doctor says, "You're just taking too long". And don't even get me started about pushing while laying on your back or semi-sitting. It narrows your pelvis so greatly and the only advantage is that the doctor can see everything that is going on; since when is this about the doctor and not the woman giving birth?

When I got pregnant with my third daughter I was so distraught over what happened my first two births. I couldn't sleep, I had nightmares when I did sleep, my doctor kept threatening early induction or cesarean, I bit my fingernails down to the quick and found myself filled with so much anxiety. When my doctor annoyingly took my birth plan one visit and barely glanced at it I finally decided at 37 weeks pregnant to take my birth plan to a midwifery group. I know if I stayed with him I would have a scar on my belly today. Once you are in a vulnerable state (labor) your doctor commands all and things go his way... unless you speak up for yourself! Even then it can be very, very difficult to get them to bend but it can be done. I didn't want the battle of wills. I didn't want the fight. I just wanted a peaceful labor and delivery.

Not all midwives are heaven-sent but I found a good group. They took me in and three days past my due date my water broke at home. They only deliver at the hospital so off we went! While I did have the external fetal monitor and contraction monitor on when I first arrived I was free to move about, unhindered, after they got several minutes of data. I barely remember them listening for my baby's heartbeat with the handheld doppler. I learned how to breathe and cope through my contractions. They HURT like nothing I've ever felt but I was strong and my will was even stronger.

I began dozing between contractions. I learned to not tense up during a contraction. My husband said he could tell I was having one by my facial expressions but that my hand was limp in his as I coaxed my body to relax through the pain. And then I was bearing down, screaming like a woman who was pouring her heart and very soul into giving birth. I was pushing and no one was yelling in my face on how to push or telling me to hold my breath. My baby was born onto the bed in less than a minute with my midwife barely ready to catch her. I pushed in a side-lying position though I really wanted to get up on my knees and squat. There just wasn't time for me to move, ha ha! It was so joyous and exuberant. I was more alive than I ever felt.

I was looking through my birth pictures and the picture of me after I gave birth to Abigail is horrible. I look like someone had punched me in a boxing ring and my face was so swollen with the junk they pumped through my IV that I am almost unrecognizable. My eyes look drugged! Well... I was drugged! So drugged and ill after I delivered her that I didn't want to hold her (don't worry - my closest bond to any of my daughters is with Miss Abigail though I do regret her birth greatly). Then I looked at the picture of myself after giving birth to my youngest, a natural birth, and I look like I had just gone out for tea on a cool spring day. I did not look like I had given birth; I wasn't swollen, my skin was a little flushed but clear and my eyes were open and intent on my newborn.

TFB says - I don’t believe that women need to be taught how to birth, but I do think they need to be fully informed about any interventions they are looking to avoid, and learn techniques for coping with labor naturally. In these modern times, women fear birth because they haven’t grown up seeing their mothers/sisters/aunts giving birth, and they have no idea what a normal birth looks like. The fear of birth is very often a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And to this I cannot add anything that I didn't say above. I'm hoping this next birth our daughters will be present. I show them videos of birth (including cesarean birth). I want them to know what birth looks like. Yes there are true complications that arise that call for immediate, emergent delivery and I thank God for the technology available to us and the OB surgeons to perform those life-saving tasks. But to put every woman through the ringer and treat every single laboring patient with the same protocol is not good medicine; it is absolutely irresponsible. We are individuals with individuals needs, desires and hopes. It is not selfish to desire a birth that will be the safest entry for our baby into our world. It is not selfish if you decide you need an epidural or pain relievers for the pain. Just education yourself fully on each and every procedure because even though your OB is required by law to tell you all the risks they do not do it. You are your own advocate.

All of this is related in the utmost respect. I know many of you are women who've had and are planning cesareans. I just want you to know that I respect you so much and that each woman should make the choice that is right for her. That is the gist of what I'm trying to say; that we have to educate ourselves on the choices available to us and realize that a medical birth in a hospital bed is not the only option. And we must remember to not judge one another for the births we choose to have. I hope you find here that I am not judging you but merely a huge activist passionately preaching the news of natural birth. It is no way to demean you.

And that is my closing statement. YOU get to choose your birth. The only reasons your birth plan may not go according to plan is due to very rare complications or if those interventions are slowly introduced to you during your labor. And to quote The Feminist Breeder again: "What happens during a woman’s birth is not all up to chance. Maybe some of it, but certainly not all of it."

Educate yourself, trust your body and know that having a baby safely can be the norm, NOT the exception if you know what you want to avoid and take the stand to let it be known.

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Another great post I found right after writing this:
Why Birth Plans Exist at Stand and Deliver.

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I'll be talking more about birth options; it's one of my favorite topics! And with a new little bundle on the way I cannot wait to share some ideas I have for our upcoming birth.

Coming in September!

2011-01-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

It was any other winter day in January. I ran some errands with the kids, got everyone home and fed, then put the kids to bed a little later. Daniel and I snuggled on the couch watching Stargate Universe on Netflix with only a strand of Christmas lights gently lighting the cavern of a room.

One episode ended and I decided it was time for a potty break. I ran upstairs, hesitating, thinking. Should I test? Should I wait? I had bought a 3-pack of First Response, the best pregnancy tests, from the store earlier. Even then I debated whether or not to buy them. I thought for certain I'd be tossing away those precious dollars with negative tests staring back at me and Aunt Flo following not long after.

Eh, what's the harm? It's a 3-pack. I can use one and save the rest for another cycle. Even though my period wasn't due for two more days I felt I'd get an accurate result.

Estimated date of arrival- September 23, 2011!

Score!!!

2011-01-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was really craving some Japanese Pan Noodles from Noodles and Company: caramelized udon noodles in a sweet soy sauce with broccoli, carrots and shiitake mushrooms. Asian sprouts, black sesame and cilantro garnish. Made-to-order just the way you like it and a healthy 350 calories for a small bowl that truly fills you up (and I think it costs under $5).

I got on their website just to stare at a picture of it. I know, I'm weird! Anyway I randomly started clicking on their web links and stumbled upon "Locations". Of course the first thing you want to do there is to type in your zip and find the one closest to you, the one that you visit, just to feel all prideful and gleeful that there's one nearby.

But ours didn't come up. Perplexed I sent them an email saying there was a new Noodles and Company location near me that wasn't yet put up on the site and I wanted people in my area to know that there was one there. They'd be searching and not even know! They might drive 30 minutes out of their way when they could get to one just 10 minutes down the road.

Several minutes after I sent my little blurp I received an email and it said they were treating my family and me to a complimentary lunch as a thanks for pointing out the website error!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Japanese Pan Noodles here I come!!!

Coffee

2011-01-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

I think the only time in my life I was a coffee drinker was when I was a child and they had free coffee at church. My little brother and I would sneak some in a Styrofoam cup and top it off with loads of sugar and water from the fountain. As I grew and stopped attending church with my mom I stopped my little Sunday binge of watered-down sugar coffee.

And then entered Mommyhood. I've had the occasional Starbucks as a young adult and woman but the steep prices mean it's a rare treat for me. And I usually get the frappucinos anyway. My husband usually just drinks coffee at work and thus concludes that we never have coffee in our house...

Except every Christmas someone gives my husband coffee.

The past years I enjoyed smelling the grounds (seriously they smell SO good) but left the drinking to my hubby. And then several weeks ago he made a pot... and I made a cup... and I realized how wired it made me feel.................... and I realized WHY parents need this stuff.

It's addictive. Seriously. And it tastes so good. I like mine with two spoons of sugar and 1/4 of my cup is creamer so it is more of a milky, sweet drink. I hate the bitter taste of the grounds but add a little creamer and it is delicious.

This is probably no news to you but to a young mom who is an insomniac and gets up before dawn it is huge news! It all makes so much sense now. And if I ever ridiculed, teased or made fun of you for drinking coffee like your very life depended on it to make it through the day I humbly bow before you in forgiveness!

Now someone just needs to explain to Daniel he can't make the coffee in the evening but in the morning!

Mamarazzi has special news!

2011-01-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

The wonderful lady over at Dandelion Wishes has some big news about bringing email back to life! In this bloggy world we've become a little... shall we put it............... Facebooked! Instead of replying to a commenter for a personal conversation we have turned our comment thread into a Facebook status. The problem with that? If I leave a comment or important question on someone's blog post I never go back to that comment thread to see if I got a note back from the blogger. I don't get a notice if they reply on their own comment thread either. We're losing a little bit of personal touch... blogging isn't meant to be this way and is a more personal and intimate relationship between blogger and readers.

The true problem behind all of this is that many of us are No Reply Bloggers, meaning that somewhere along the way our email became hidden. By simply going to your Dashboard you can click on Edit Profile and enable your email (if you want you can always use a different email to hide your personal one). Easy as apple pie! And you'll hopefully be flooded with bloggy love from bloggers who take the time to get back with you.

I just can't tell you how GOOD it feels when I leave a comment or question on a blog post and the blogger themselves takes 2 minutes of their day to reply back to me.

Join the revolution! I'm off to check and make sure I'm not a No-Reply Blogger myself. Do the same!

Jesus made the pies!

2011-01-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

I always try to engage my girls in conversation and let them use their imaginations. Elaina is very much by-the-rulebook and doesn't really think outside the box when it comes to storytelling but she has an amazing mind for remembering details. She told me today about her "dream" but it was really a retelling of the movie Beauty and the Beast almost scene-for-scene and word-for-word. It was so cute and endearing and she picked up the most minute details!

The other day Abigail and I were eating lunch.We started talking about God and Jesus. I asked her an open-ended question. I asked her, "What did Jesus make"? figuring she'd tell me he made the trees and the sky and the animals, etc.

With Thanksgiving fresh on her mind she thought for a moment and then said, "Jesus made the pies! And......... the turkey!" Gobble, gobble!

Happy 1st Birthday Zoë (10/23/2010)

Zoë is also still breastfeeding. We're down to three feedings a day; morning, afternoon and before bed. I've been giving her Lactaid throughout the day at her meals but not because she is lactose intolerant. Cow's milk is hard for our stomachs to digest so it was recommended to me that Lactaid would be easier on Zoë's stomach and once she is able to have lower fat milk (we drink 1% at our house) she won't need Lactaid.

Miss Zoë is so so so smart. She is almost 15-months-old now. If I give her a command she instantly knows what I am talking about but she still isn't talking much. She'll say the words: baby, uh-oh, Jesus, Bah-Bah (for Abby), Laina, this, what, mama and dada. She can also sign: eat, more, all done and milk.

Just today I told Zoë we needed to put her cup of milk back in the fridge because she was about to go upstairs to play and then to take a nap and I didn't want it to spoil. She immediately turned and toddle-ran to the kitchen. The gate stopped her but I knew she was heading right for the fridge to bang on it until I opened it.

She's also started climbing the stairs (we keep a gate up and I only let her climb when I'm walking behind her). She knows what, "It's time to brush your teeth" means and RUNS to the bathroom and holds out her hand babbling earnestly until we place her brush in her hand. Then she'll back her little self up until the back of her knees meet the little step stool and she'll sit and happily suckle on her toothbrush.

And she's a little stinker! We say, "NO!" and she giggles and keeps doing it. This one is going to keep us busy because my other girls never did that. We said "No" and they knew we meant it and immediately obeyed (at least when they were Z's age; they're not as compliant now, ha ha). She is constantly flitting from one thing to get into to the next thing to get into. Her toys sit ignored for the most part; it's OUR stuff she wants to get into like important papers, my photos, the kitchen drawers she loves to empty (hence the gate!).

Miss Elaina is reading and writing. Seriously! My little 5-year-old can read and it just blows my mind and makes both Daniel and I puff up with pride. She is doing so well in school. She got "A's" for first and second quarter of school. She is also reading above her grade level. This is the first year she wrote all her own thank-you's after Christmas (complete with cute pictures) and everyone was so touched by that.

Elaina is also my crafter. She'd be content to draw and color and paint and craft all the day long if I let her. I'm thinking about getting her an art easel for her 6th birthday or a couple of those fun craft kits for her age that you find at hobby stores. She's made her own purses, potholders and has even begun her Valentine's which are definitely not store-bought!

So just had to do a little bragging on them since it's been awhile!

It's only been... how many months?!

2011-01-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

Hi!

How ARE you?!

Do you remember me?!

Ahhh... I have a computer again. But in the absence of my computer I got a whole new perspective on motherhood and the kind of mom I want to be. The reason, of course, being that I had a whole lot of time on my hands! No computer meant no online business (had to temporarily close the shop!) which meant no jewelry to make. It also meant no full-time review and giveaway blog to run. One car meant I couldn't even escape the house until the weekends. My full schedule flat-lined! Which meant more time to devote to my kids. I had been spending my daytime blogging and working instead of waiting until the kids went to bed and with my own business and being a reviewer it just ate up my entire day.

After the computer crashed I started noticing little things about discipline and our communication with the kids that really added up and bothered me. I realized in these past weeks that my family was starting to fall apart right under my nose and I didn't even realize it!

You know I thought I would be a natural at being a mom. That I would be that soft-voice and patient woman who could handle any boo-boo or tantrum that came my way. When I was a young girl I was the perfect babysitter. I mean come on! I had The Babysitter Club books as my guide. My dream since I was old enough to remember dreaming was to become a mom. I dreamed about my babies, about our home and how I'd be Little Miss Susie Homemaker. Everyone gushed that I would just be the best mom in the world!

I'm disappointed to say that I am not the picture of my dream. I don't wear pearls, heels and an apron. Heck most of the time I am still in my pajamas from the night before by the time bedtime hits. I don't have a sheet of fresh-basked cookies and a pitcher full of ice cold milk waiting for Elaina when she gets home from school. Homework is this rushed affair where I have to bite my tongue and remind myself, "Let HER do the work, let HER figure it out" even if it takes 30 minutes longer than I would want.

In fact by dinner I'm so ready to pull my hair out from everyone bickering, fighting and just from general sensory overload that I just want to hide!!!

So what I began to change while I was offline was my family dynamic starting with myself. It's a work in progress. Discipline has become so shaky. Our girls began acting out because Daniel's discipline is kind of yelling at them from the other room and mine is just an exasperated, "STOP fighting, please!" instead of stopping the dish washing and providing a consequence to behavior.

There is more going on than I want to fill this page with but that is what is on my mind today. What kind of mother am I? Am I the mother I want to be? I don't need to wear the heels and pearls or bake cookies as an afternoon treat. That isn't what makes a mother. But am I patient? Am I kind? Am I getting eye-level with the girls? Am I demanding too much or too little? I've really been focusing on how to balance myself as a mother. That, after all, is my first and most important job so I better being doing it well!

I don't think I'm a bad mom. But I do think there's room for much improvement. And I'm excited to see myself bloom into a more mature and contented woman who dotes and disciplines with integrity and respect. Because I know that when I begin to take care of me, to take care of the hormonal problems creeping up again, to fight the fatigue of boredom and monotony and really delve into becoming a nurturer, a protector and a teacher my kids are going to grow up with a mom they can rely on and trust.

It has all started with having family meetings where we tell the girls about the behavior we expect and the consequences if we see behavior we don't accept. We also let everyone talk about their feelings, their REAL feelings, without judgment. As parents we also share how we want to be better. Right now we have a No Tolerance policy where it is one warning and then it is time-out. We're going to try to refrain from spanking (which I feel, when done properly, is a good tool for some children) and really focus on other forms of discipline that are character-building and not fear-based or threatening. It's so easy to get mad and say, "If you do not listen I am going to spank you!" but it can easily spiral out of control and every little infraction garners a swat. Kids become immune to it.

So now I'm super excited to get caught back up with everyone. I've missed my blog SO SO SO much while gone! I leave you with a couple pictures of the girls at Christmas!

My big girls! They may fight at times but at the end of the day they're sisters, best friends to the end!

My Zoë girl!

Crashed!

2010-10-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

My computer, along with our photos and videos, has crashed. Again. You would think I would've learned from the last time to backup my photos and videos... But no... nope! Actually I was in the process of finding an online storage program for my videos and photos that would allow me to import and export them for free. So if anyone knows of anything like that (other than DropShots; I don't like them!) please let me know! I can't let this happen again. All my videos of my Zoë baby are GONE except for the very few I was able to upload to Facebook.

Even more helpful... if anyone knows if there's a way that I can find and retrieve my photos and videos on my computer I would probably cry. For now I need to first get the computer fixed.

Ugh. I hate this. I swear these companies program their products to break at a certain point.

One month away from a birthday bash!

2010-09-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

Someone is having a birthday party in exactly one month! Can you guess who?! Why surely NOT Zoë! But yes it is true. The baby is now about to enter toddlerhood. Her party is going to be autumn-themed with bowls of hearty, homemade potato soup, homemade rolls and pumpkin cupcakes.

Here are pictures from Zoë's 11-month shoot and some commentary about her milestones!

Zoë has been eating table foods with us for the past couple of months. She totally skipped baby foods and hates to be fed. She likes feeding herself! She can eat pizza, noodles, soft fruits and veggies, cheese, crackers and pretty much anything we eat that is soft. She only has her two bottom teeth, too!

Just today Zoë took 8 steps in a row! I've got a toddler now!!! She had been taking a step or two for the past several days but today was the first day she took more than 2 steps and walked toward me. It was so exciting. Abigail and I were jumping up and down and clapping!

Zoë does a few signs. Right now she only signs "more" and "eat". I plan on working with her more on doing signs for "cold", "bath", "drink", "milk", etc.

Zoë still isn't talking much. She said "Elaina" as her first word weeks ago but hasn't said it again since. She says "Uh oh" and just babbles everything else. Her pediatrician says it is normal, though, which is good. Zoë's babbling is toddler babbling, not baby babbling (meaning she mixes up all the babbling sounds to mimic language instead of just saying one thing over and over). My other girls talked so early and had huge vocabs before their first birthdays that I was comparing Zoë to them. I was relieved to hear she is doing just fine for her age!

Favorite things and games- Peek-a-Boo is a huge hit, playing "parachute" with a blanket or towel or just good old-fashioned wrestling and jumping on Mom is fun! Any toy or item that is off limits is her favorite thing to play with of course, too! I think I've got my hands full with this one... Did I mention she loves cleaning out cabinets and drawers? That is her absolute favorite thing to do.

Zoë loves clapping when she's excited or if we clap for her! And she loves giving high fives (if she knows you well enough to give you one that is)!

Zoë's favorite playmates aren't dolls or stuffed animals (she could care less about them). Nope, she adores her sisters. In the morning I'll bring Zoë into my room and if she hears Abigail in her room she wriggles out of my arms and speed crawls to the big girls' shared room to hang out.

Standing by herself in this pic (she's been standing alone for a month now):

Zoë was in the 75th percentile for weight when she was smaller but is now in the 25th percentile and I think I know why! She's a mover and a groover. Always crawling, walking along furniture, wiggling and wriggling. She's never really been a cuddler but still lets me hold her and wants to be held at times. But even now she won't fall asleep in my arms unless absolutely exhausted.

Zoë is still breastfed but now that she is eating three meals and two snacks a day we nurse 4 times a day. She started sleeping through the night when I started putting her in her crib at night for bed. She can now go down to bed full awake and put herself to sleep rather than being rocked and nursed to sleep!