Sunday, June 22, 2014

Rethinking the V-word

Before Silas was born the hubsters and I started discussing, well, how to prevent pregnancy. Permanently. Without going into much detail I will just say we are very much into NFP (Natural Family Planning) which I'm sure is no surprise to many of you who know me! I've never had a birth control pill or other forms of contraception (IUD, Depo, etc.). And I won't take BC due to my own personal convictions (I don't care what other people do but I choose not to use them).

That is most likely the reason we have had a baby every other year for the past 9 years. ;-) 

So Silas was born and as the postpartum weeks quickly flew by I kept nagging Daniel to make a consultation about a vasectomy. First, he was (and still is) completely on board for a vasectomy. He got a consultation set up, went to it, came home and told me what the doctor said and then marked the calendar with his procedure appointment. And........... I put my foot down. I said heck no to the vasectomy.

The entire time he was at the clinic I felt sick to my stomach. I had zero peace. I was pacing the house and furiously scrubbing dishes. I had been the one pushing him to go but when it came down to the last minute I put a stop to it. He had an appointment set up to do it and I made him cancel it. It was one thing to abstractly consider it but when he went to the consultation and then set up a date for the procedure it just became very, very real to me.

Part of me really feels done. Part of me wonders if I will still feel that way four, five, seven years from now (I'm only 29). No, I don't want to outdo Michelle Duggar (she is actually a woman I highly respect so that is not a dig at her). It's not even completely about becoming pregnant again. I really just don't think I'm comfortable with the procedure itself, altering a fertile person without a life-and-death reason. I'm fine with not being pregnant ever again. But I wonder and worry about what repercussions could arise from a vasectomy when my husband already has other physical ailments.

I'm still torn. We aren't making a decision until I feel at peace about it. My poor husband was so mad at me for weeks because of that (this obviously happened almost a year ago since Silas just turned 1). He canceled the procedure out of respect for me but he could have just gone and done it anyway; this place didn't care what the spouse thought! So I really appreciate that he canceled out of respect for me, but it was a hard decision for him to cancel it.

I'm thinking about it all over again because I've had a few regular cycles and it's usually around a first birthday that I find myself pregnant again. Let's just say there's like a mile between my husband and me right now, ha!

I think that a very painful pregnancy and then my most painful labor really motivated me to push for the procedure. I was all for it when I was still on that postpartum emotional roller coaster. Now that I have a more clear head and less wacky hormones I still feel like I can't make a decision. I know plenty of men who have had the procedure done without a hitch. I just don't know what to do. I just know that I don't want to regret it one day.

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