I can't begin to explain the mad butterflies in my stomach yesterday at the sonogram. Do you ever feel like something is going to happen or that you know something but don't tell anyone for fear of being wrong? That's how it was yesterday. Daniel did NOT want to go to the sonogram, he didn't want to spend the money, he was content with thinking baby was a girl. He tried to convince me that we didn't need to do it, that the other sonogram was clearly a girl.
And I just had this feeling. I kept thinking that we're going to go and they're going to say, "Nope! They were wrong! Baby is a boy!" But I didn't say anything for fear of being proved wrong. I also didn't say anything for fear of being proved right! I mean I was in love with a baby girl, she had a name. To shake that up would shake ME up. And it has but I'm also really excited about a son.
Still convinced that I needed to be 100% certain of baby's gender and desiring to know before they were born I told Daniel I was using my own hard-earned money, printed off the directions and off we went. I think part of him wanted to know for certain, too, but he also did not want to get his hopes up. He is in love with all of his daughters but I know part of his heart still clung to the hope of a son.
My sister-in-law had the same dream/feeling that we were going to call her and tell her that baby was a boy. My sister would tell me, "Wouldn't it be crazy if you went and they found out baby was a boy after all?!"
And we have another friend whom God told we were having a son. This friend almost cried when he found out baby was a girl; not because of the gender but because his faith was shaken! He thought, "How could I have heard God wrong?!" He was absolutely and wholeheartedly convinced our baby was a boy and he refused to believe baby was a girl. He steadfastly believed our baby was a boy. He shook off the sonogram picture of what we thought was a baby girl and said, "Don't need to see it! Baby is a boy! I'll believe otherwise at the birth if baby is a girl.
Our daughters have prayed for a year-and-a-half for a brother and were still excited to learn baby was a girl but I know their own feelings about the power of prayer were shaken. It was a great teaching opportunity, don't get me wrong! Sometimes we pray for things and God seemingly doesn't answer, at least not in the way we want.
Every night Abigail would still pray, "Dear Jesus, help our baby brother to grow strong and healthy!" Some nights I would correct her and say, "Remember, baby is a girl!" Other nights I'd just grin at her childlike innocence. Apparently something in her heart just knew because she wouldn't let go of that brother!
When the sonogram tech sounded confused and asked if we were told a girl... my breath caught! I felt a little dizzy. My eyes searched and searched for what the sonogram's trained eye was seeing so much easier than I was and then I saw and I felt like time stood still! It took almost the entire time of us just trying to get a good shot of the genitals since he was all curled up and didn't want to move for us. And in that moment I thought, "Wow, I actually knew..." I literally had dreams of this happening and thought I was in a dream! I've also had dreams of giving birth and finding out baby was a boy instead of a girl.
If we hadn't gone to the 3D sonogram and hadn't needed any other sonograms this pregnancy we would have had one huge surprise at birth. I giggle to think of it! Of holding up the baby and saying, "It's not a girl... it's a boy!" and seeing the ecstatic and incredulous look on Daniel's face. That would have been sweet.
And for the record - my Intelligender test did end up being correct after all!