When my house is a mess I feel like a mess. I don't think my husband understands that. In fact most of our fights are not financial but more about shared responsibility. If something is a mess and I'm starting to spazz and hyperventilate over it, especially when I'm already stressed, he doesn't see why it is such a big deal to me.
Someone once told me, "A woman's home is a reflection of her heart". I can't say that is true for everyone but it is definitely true for me! My house is definitely not spotless. I need to clean the fan blades, dust, wash windows, there are toys all over, etc. What I'm talking about are the main spots (no dirty dishes on the counter, rug is at least vacuumed, my husband doesn't have a "pile" of his stuff in the front hall, laundry folded and put away promptly, etc.).
Well my house is a chaotic mess right now and I'm starting to feel that crazy creepy crawl underneath my skin. You know- the stress! I can't handle messes very well and when they are huge I feel like I'm standing before a mountain.
So why the big deal? Sometimes I can't tackle everything on my own, especially with a baby in one arm. Have you ever tried to do the dishes while holding a baby who is only consolable so long as you are holding them? Getting the husband to help is like pulling teeth at times. Not that he is a bad guy but cleaning is not his strong suit, ha ha!
I got to plant in my garden last week, finally! At one point Zoë had had enough and I put her in the wrap. I hoped to be able to hoe out the weeds and grass that had grown in my flowerbed. Um, that was impossible. I felt that mountain go up right before me as I stood outside, the baby falling asleep strapped to my chest, unable to hoe the garden. If you know me you know I hate being interrupted when I have my mind set on a task. I have to complete the task before I can shift gears. So when my gardening was interrupted I felt incredibly agitated and anxious.
I really try the, "The mess will be there tomorrow to clean up!" approach but there has got to be SOME point when you do have to tackle the mess after all that waiting. And I feel like that is my life. An endless cycle of waiting to tackle things and enjoying the moments I'm in and then the moments of complete panic and stress as I rush to try to clean as much as possible before the baby starts crying.
Here's another Catch 22. We just bought a bunk bed for the older girls and a crib for the baby. We got the crib to put Zoë in when I need to shower and hopefully very soon for naps! So while we're trying to put her crib together she's crying in the bouncer, watching me with these doeful eyes as if to say, "How could you put me DOWN?!" Hopefully she takes to it like a fish to water. We got the crib to put her down and can't even put her down to put it together. Thankfully we made it through (and through a few mistakes I made putting the darn thing together) and now she has a prettiful crib! I'll post pictures of her room soon, when her room isn't a mess of her big sisters' stuff as we complete their bunk beds.
All this furniture building has left tiny pieces of Styrofoam everywhere and we've got these huge boxes in our front hall that I have asked Daniel to take to the basement for the past two days (!!!). The kids have decided to throw couch pillows every which way, toys are strewn under the dining table, papers litter the table from Elaina's backpack and the remnants of dinner are on the kitchen counters. My husband has used Kleenex wadded up to the left of me at the computer desk (also told him to deal with those, LOL) and the bathroom floor needs to be scrubbed. I wish I had 8 arms sometimes! Time Management used to be my middle name.
I just need to get it more together. Not that I have to put stress on myself about getting things done. In fact I think a schedule of some sort might make it easier on me so that things are done and life is less stressful. I'm sick of starting laundry on Thursday and it isn't all folded and put away until Tuesday! It's just ridiculous.
So I guess I'm just venting. Not really looking for solutions or platitudes. I know- enjoy them while they are young. Worry about the messes later (I don't usually clean until everyone is in bed anyway), etc., etc. But I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed at times. What makes you feel overwhelmed?
For the time being I will just hold my sleeping baby (yes, she is asleep in my arms at this very moment while her brand new crib sits empty in her room). Pray for me, that she will transition to taking good, solid naps in her crib. It will really free my arms up to get some things done and to have a little "me" time at some point in the day, which is always refreshing and makes me want to pick up the baby anyway!