Friday, May 21, 2010

My house is chaos!

When my house is a mess I feel like a mess. I don't think my husband understands that. In fact most of our fights are not financial but more about shared responsibility. If something is a mess and I'm starting to spazz and hyperventilate over it, especially when I'm already stressed, he doesn't see why it is such a big deal to me.

Someone once told me, "A woman's home is a reflection of her heart". I can't say that is true for everyone but it is definitely true for me! My house is definitely not spotless. I need to clean the fan blades, dust, wash windows, there are toys all over, etc. What I'm talking about are the main spots (no dirty dishes on the counter, rug is at least vacuumed, my husband doesn't have a "pile" of his stuff in the front hall, laundry folded and put away promptly, etc.).

Well my house is a chaotic mess right now and I'm starting to feel that crazy creepy crawl underneath my skin. You know- the stress! I can't handle messes very well and when they are huge I feel like I'm standing before a mountain.

So why the big deal? Sometimes I can't tackle everything on my own, especially with a baby in one arm. Have you ever tried to do the dishes while holding a baby who is only consolable so long as you are holding them? Getting the husband to help is like pulling teeth at times. Not that he is a bad guy but cleaning is not his strong suit, ha ha!

I got to plant in my garden last week, finally! At one point Zoë had had enough and I put her in the wrap. I hoped to be able to hoe out the weeds and grass that had grown in my flowerbed. Um, that was impossible. I felt that mountain go up right before me as I stood outside, the baby falling asleep strapped to my chest, unable to hoe the garden. If you know me you know I hate being interrupted when I have my mind set on a task. I have to complete the task before I can shift gears. So when my gardening was interrupted I felt incredibly agitated and anxious.

I really try the, "The mess will be there tomorrow to clean up!" approach but there has got to be SOME point when you do have to tackle the mess after all that waiting. And I feel like that is my life. An endless cycle of waiting to tackle things and enjoying the moments I'm in and then the moments of complete panic and stress as I rush to try to clean as much as possible before the baby starts crying.

Here's another Catch 22. We just bought a bunk bed for the older girls and a crib for the baby. We got the crib to put Zoë in when I need to shower and hopefully very soon for naps! So while we're trying to put her crib together she's crying in the bouncer, watching me with these doeful eyes as if to say, "How could you put me DOWN?!" Hopefully she takes to it like a fish to water. We got the crib to put her down and can't even put her down to put it together. Thankfully we made it through (and through a few mistakes I made putting the darn thing together) and now she has a prettiful crib! I'll post pictures of her room soon, when her room isn't a mess of her big sisters' stuff as we complete their bunk beds.

All this furniture building has left tiny pieces of Styrofoam everywhere and we've got these huge boxes in our front hall that I have asked Daniel to take to the basement for the past two days (!!!). The kids have decided to throw couch pillows every which way, toys are strewn under the dining table, papers litter the table from Elaina's backpack and the remnants of dinner are on the kitchen counters. My husband has used Kleenex wadded up to the left of me at the computer desk (also told him to deal with those, LOL) and the bathroom floor needs to be scrubbed. I wish I had 8 arms sometimes! Time Management used to be my middle name.

I just need to get it more together. Not that I have to put stress on myself about getting things done. In fact I think a schedule of some sort might make it easier on me so that things are done and life is less stressful. I'm sick of starting laundry on Thursday and it isn't all folded and put away until Tuesday! It's just ridiculous.

So I guess I'm just venting. Not really looking for solutions or platitudes. I know- enjoy them while they are young. Worry about the messes later (I don't usually clean until everyone is in bed anyway), etc., etc. But I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed at times. What makes you feel overwhelmed?

For the time being I will just hold my sleeping baby (yes, she is asleep in my arms at this very moment while her brand new crib sits empty in her room). Pray for me, that she will transition to taking good, solid naps in her crib. It will really free my arms up to get some things done and to have a little "me" time at some point in the day, which is always refreshing and makes me want to pick up the baby anyway!

11 comments:

becoming-mother said...

Oh man. I just pitched a fit at my husband about the state of the kitchen. I can live with some clutter, but mess, no way. And too much clutter, no way. Your post sounds SO familiar.

Except my husband does help when I am stressed. It took quite a while (years) before I found the right words to get him to understand how distressing I found the mess - I don't remember what they were. He literally doesn't SEE it.

I boggle.

But what works - he suggested it - now that he is aware is that I have a little list on which I write down the stuff that's stressing me that I wish would get done. He pulls items off the list and does them when he has time. It's not always my top-priority item (though I do have them in order and he does the top one he's willing to do), but it's still something that's not hanging over me.

He does it because he knows it improves my day.

I'm so lucky.

The Mommy said...

I LOVE a clean house!!! Right now, I need to work on straightening areas like closets and cabinets.

Anne Elizabeth said...

I'm praying that she will transition well. You might have to do what I did with E... I hear ya on the mess... Why don't you pick a day when Boo is off school and drop all three girls off here. You can clean, organize, or whatever and they can spend the day hanging with their totally awesome aunt;)

Susan Sene said...

I HEAR that! Although my hubby is pretty good at helping around the house, I've come to the conclusion that men will NEVER get it. I don't want to wait a few days or weeks to have a "clean up day". Why can't things just ge cleaned as we go?

I think the best advice I got was to not look for happiness in whether or not the dishes are done when you asked them to be or laundry put away right when you want it (etc etc) but to remember to fnd your happiness and peace of mind soley in Christ.

I know, much easier said than done. But it helped me a little bit.

I hope Zoe does well in her crib!

*~Chelsea~* said...

Oh, friend - I totally understand! I got Jeremy to do laundry today while I work at UofP and I'm loving it but realistically he probably won't put it away. I have to ask him to do everything. I'd love it if they did something without asking...wouldn't you?

;-)

Summer O'Donald said...

I'm the same way, lol! When my house is a mess I feel like i'm going to lose it. hang in there mam :)

The Lynchs said...

I hear ya sister! I feel like my house has been messy for weeks because we've been so busy, and it's driving me CRAZY!!!!

Photogrl said...

I hope she's starting to take to her crib for you!

And the messes...yeah, I feel overwhelmed when my house is a mess, too.

Andrea said...

It makes me feel so good to hear that you have the same problem that I have. And I only have 1 child. :-( It definitely makes me feel overwhelmed and I also feel VERY frustrated with our cats. Their hair is EVERYWHERE. And little pieces of food and cat litter. *sigh*

I try to do a little bit of cleaning every day, but it's so sad because my house is never really clean, just a little bit here and there that you can barely notice.

Becky said...

What? You mean you actually got as far as getting the laundry folded and waiting to be put away? Mine has been piled on he sofa for a week (something had to give)...and I consider myself lucky to have a few free hours to keep rebooting the laundry to replenish the towels being used. We've been crazy-busy the past few weeks, with no hope of a slow-up until Mid-June!

Joy...I know the feelings you've expressed very well. Let me assure you that it's just a combination of the season (Spring) and your season in life (small children in the home who rely on you for so many things...making meals (and feeding some of them), dressing, changing, bathing,playing, teaching, taking to various appointments and functions, referreeing sibling squabbles, training, disciplining...all of which take up lots and lots of time).

For years, I found myself stresssing out bigtime in May/June because of the pressure on me to get the spring cleaning done (clutter buildup from winter), to attempt (most years unsuccessfully) to get a garden in, to have cards and gifts ready for graduations and weddings and end-of-the-year teacher gifts, as well as having zero free time due to the many events requiring our attendance.

Until my sister pointed it out to me that this was a common feeling among most women during May/June, I never understood why I always felt so freakishly overwhelmed. Now I know. Without my husband's pitching in to keep on top of laundry, dishes and clutter patrol...much of it will probably remain that way until our hectic life slows down enough to catch up.

Becky said...

What? You mean you actually got as far as getting the laundry folded and waiting to be put away? Mine has been piled on he sofa for a week (something had to give)...and I consider myself lucky to have a few free hours to keep rebooting the laundry to replenish the towels being used. We've been crazy-busy the past few weeks, with no hope of a slow-up until Mid-June!

Joy...I know the feelings you've expressed very well. Let me assure you that it's just a combination of the season (Spring) and your season in life (small children in the home who rely on you for so many things...making meals (and feeding some of them), dressing, changing, bathing,playing, teaching, taking to various appointments and functions, referreeing sibling squabbles, training, disciplining...all of which take up lots and lots of time).

For years, I found myself stresssing out bigtime in May/June because of the pressure on me to get the spring cleaning done (clutter buildup from winter), to attempt (most years unsuccessfully) to get a garden in, to have cards and gifts ready for graduations and weddings and end-of-the-year teacher gifts, as well as having zero free time due to the many events requiring our attendance.

Until my sister pointed it out to me that this was a common feeling among most women during May/June, I never understood why I always felt so freakishly overwhelmed. Now I know. Without my husband's pitching in to keep on top of laundry, dishes and clutter patrol...much of it will probably remain that way until our hectic life slows down enough to catch up.