Monday, November 9, 2009

Confessions...........

Random pics:

On our way to the bonfire


After Sunday service, "watching" football with Daddy


So for the past few days I've gotten on here and stared blankly at the screen or have been interrupted. There's a lot to say but in the same sense nothing is really going on. Instead I bring you confessions!

I confess........

-........ it feels great to actually PEE again! Say what?! You heard me! When you're 9 months pregnant you don't pee, you trickle. You will feel such a strong urge to use the restroom and all you get is a teaspoon. You never have that feeling of relief. Well I feel relief now and it feels good! I don't even care if that's TMI.

-........ that I can't put this baby down. I hold her all day and all night but mostly because I want to. She doesn't mind being put down now but I can't help but want to stare at her and drink her in. I know all too well how fast time flies so for now I hold her. But I am eager to get her crib because I am eager to sleep horizontally again!

-......... that I wish I felt like myself. I'm in this weird limbo right now. I feel good but I don't feel like myself, emotionally, yet. Stupid hormones! I know, it's still early yet.

-........ that breastfeeding is harder than I thought it would be. The hard part is that it is YOU who has to be accessible and ready constantly. I love not having formula (stinky!) and bottles to clean and nasty diapers. But it's really hard to have to nurse and have both of your hands tied up and not be able to do anything beyond sit there. I have to remind myself that it won't always be like this.

-....... that I fall asleep every morning while Abigail watches Ses.ame Str.eet. We just all chill out on the couch for that hour, Zoë and I sleeping and Abby learning the letter of the day. I also fall asleep every evening for about an hour.

-....... that I dread going to bed every night. Not because of the baby but because of another confession....... I broke our bed! Our mattress is on the floor and it makes me feel really out of sorts to not have my room together. I was sitting against the headboard, right on the edge of the bed, and all of my weight in that one spot caused the support board to snap.

-....... to feeling guilty. By the time Elaina gets home from school I'm pretty much half-asleep on the couch. Abigail is left to entertain herself most of the day unless she watches TV or a movie (which I HATE; I do not like it when my kids veg out all day). I just feel torn in three directions and of course Zoë is the one who wins out at every chance she gets since I'm the only one that can feed her. Thankfully my kids are taking it well but I know there's going to be a breaking point soon! One day at a time, right?!

-....... that I do miss this (last belly pic, just a day or two before she was born)...




Other stuff:

Pending the weather I'm hoping to do a little photo shoot of Zoë tomorrow. I need lots of sunlight so hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. And therefore I'll have more (and better) pics of her to post!

I've already put away fall decor but I'm not breaking out the Christmas stuff just yet! I'm going to try to hold off until Thanksgiving to bring it all out but it might be hard. I am so excited to put out an extra stocking this year!

I've already lost 28 lbs since giving birth. Just 11 lbs more and I'll be back to where I was before I got pregnant. And that's all from giving birth and breastfeeding. Got to love that perk!

11 comments:

Becky said...

I so hear ya! Glad you're only 11 pounds from goal, too! Yay!

Girl, I know it's hard not to feel a bit guilty, but this is but a brief season in the older kiddo's lives...and they're resliant and will recover quickly.

When your hormones have leveled out again, you've adjusted to the whole nursing thing and having a baby in the house and are able to handle routine things once again, it'll all fall back into place as it did before. And the kids will be none worse for the wear.

I have lots of memories of my mom having us hold and turn the pages of our books while she read them to us while nursing a sibling. We were all snuggled together, and hey...we thought it was great! The baby got the benefit of my mom's soothing voice, the kids beside her got to cuddle, and we got to hear books...it was win/win!

Becky said...

omg Zoe is so cute!

I broke our bed the same way ages ago but we haven't had any money to buy a new one. We will soon though when wee move back to Australia. The room just doesn't feel complete without a bed.

I can't wait for Christmas too. I bet your Christmas is going to look so cool with three little girls stockings :)

I hope the weather is good so that you can take some more pictures of you sweet little girl :)

Sarah said...

I was thinking about you this morning. So glad to see a post from you. I miss that phase you are going through right now, awww they are so cute then (okay they are always cute), I do miss my little baby sometimes.
I do not have the will power that you do as far as the Christmas decor goes. I just put Halloween away, but I've got Fall/ Turkey displays going on, and I am dying to put a Christmas tree up in our bedroom and Max's! I'm betting that by the weekend we will.
Hope you get your photo session tomorrow because I am looking forward to it!! :D

The Mommy said...

I lost almost all of my pregnancy weight within a week of birth both times. Unfortunately, I gained 10 pounds at Christmas the year before last, so I went into the Ellie pregnancy with 10 extra pounds and I'm still holding on to it. I need to lose 15 pounds so that I'll have a better wardrobe selection for church. I just can't get a diet or exercise program started.
Sounds like everyone's doing great!

Leah said...

Sounds like things are good and hectic at your household. And congrats on losing all that weight. . . and so soon! :-D

Elaine said...

Love this post! What a cute idea! 11 lbs will be easy if you continue BF. I BF Baby K for 6 and I was back in my old clothes by the time he was 3 months old. I must confess, I miss my baby belly too! We can sulk together!

Photogrl said...

What darling pics of Miss Zoe!

Enjoy the time...it goes too fast.

Yay for losing so much, so quick!

Valeta said...

I feel the same way about nursing. Torn because you want to spend time with the other kids too but the baby needs you.

Your doing great! And your children are beautiful.

I know we have had disagreements in the past but you are a great Mama.

Morgan said...

Those are sweet pictures. I agree with the peeing being much more pleasant when NOT pregnant. When pregnant, it's like you have to urgently pee all the time. Not fun.

Cute belly pic. too. I'm glad things are going well for you with your new baby!

wife.mom.nurse said...

I love this post.

Glad you are taking it a bit easy. So good after a new baby, especially when you have other little ones at home.

I don't think I rested enough with my second. I can only imagine how tiring it must be with 3.

Good for you !

*~Chelsea~* said...

Awe, I love your blog!! :) So cute! I know what you mean about Christmas - I want to decorate, too! It's so tough!

I'm happy the girls are handling your attention being divided at the moment so well. Bless their hearts! You're doing a great job, Joysters! Love and miss you!