Friday, August 14, 2009

Much to Be Desired

The following is my mindless ramblings, needing to get things off my chest. Feel free to skip.

I don't know if I'm just being a hormonal, pregnant lady. But I'm starting to wonder if my OB is the right fit for the birth we hope to experience (again, I understand things come up and plans change! I'm talking about in the event all is well with myself and baby). It's probably just me. I am feeling quite paranoid about everything lately, it seems.

Today I had my 30-week appointment and he had a couple of emergencies so he was really behind. So we didn't have a chance to even go over the birth plan again (I made a few changes to it and wanted to talk about it). He was really distracted. I have some important questions regarding hospital policies and what he expects during L&D. I'm really sensitive to touch and have some major personal space issues. So I don't want an IV and all these monitors all over me the entire time I am there.

But I could see my birth plan in my file and he wrote on there "NEEDS IV". I am not even at the hospital yet and he assumes I instantly need an IV. I'm not ill, not being treated for a sickness... I am pregnant and giving birth, like women have been doing for centuries. And homebirths, with a professional present, have LESS mortality rates than births in hospitals, mind you. It's probably just hospital policy. But instead of just writing things on the copy I gave him, he should be discussing this with me. I don't want SURPRISES when I come in to give birth in regards to some things I put on my birth plan (again, can't stress it enough, in the event ALL IS WELL).

I don't know. Something just isn't sitting right in my gut. I'm kind of wishing I had found a midwife instead but I have no money to change things now. I've spent it all paying for this OB and his practice. I think maybe I kind of feel like a nuisance for wanting to talk it over again with him? He doesn't make me feel that way. He was just distracted today because he literally had an entire waiting room full.

Things never happen the way we expect or want them to so I probably shouldn't be stressing so much anyway. I just don't want this birth to go like the first two did (the first two weren't BAD, per se, but I was just a default patient who didn't advocate for herself and just did what everyone told her to do). I want them to know what I prefer as opposed to being treated like any old person who has walked in from the streets like with my first two births. And I want to be spoken with about those preferences.

In two weeks I see another doctor in the practice. Actually, the one who delivered Elaina. So I will probably just bring this up with her. Since she is a woman maybe I'll feel more comfortable broaching the subject and giving her the new copy of the birth plan and having a discussion about hospital policies in regards to some things. Okay, that makes me feel better. My regular doctor is an older man, fatherly type. Because my parents divorced when I was little and I don't have a relationship with my dad, I think I get really intimidated when I need to speak up about something to a fatherly figure. I always choke on my words, like I did when visiting my dad. I was always too afraid to ask him for anything or to speak up. It's probably a bunch of psych that I'm not even aware of. Well, it makes sense!

Maybe I should switch to a female doctor in the practice. Not that it matters before Zoe is born, because whoever is on call is the one who will deliver her. So I may end up with him in L&D anyway. But maybe I should after she is born? Or maybe I should get on my knees and PRAY and beg God to have the perfect doctor there on D-Day.

Ugh, my brain just feels like mush.

In other, more important news, please pray for this family. They just lost their baby girl unexpectedly, though I do not know the details--- Katie's Keepers


The Mommy said...

I feel for you!! I do think that women are naturally a little more sensitive, so I hope that the female dr will put your mind at ease.
I'll be praying for you...

Photogrl said...

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to be comfortable with your birth plan.


Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Enjoyed finding your blog and love making new blog friends....

I love your blog design.....

Anne Elizabeth said...

I would start praying for your labor nurses. I prayed a lot for mine before I had each of my kids and each time I have really had favor with the nurses. I know for a fact they are not like that with every patient so I really believe that praying helped things. I'm praying for you too!

*~Chelsea~* said...

Hey, Joysters! There's nothing whatsoever wrong with wanting to be included in what happens on your big day. You need to be the one making decisions and they need to be open to hearing what you want to happen. Hopefully it was just an "off" day and the female physician will be more open and understanding.

30 weeks...oh my word! Zoe will be here so soon! :-) *hugs*

Andrea said...

I completely understand how you are feeling! I'm really glad to have a midwife who is backing me up all the way and I'm really hoping it all goes as planned. I would feel very weird if I had seen what your doctor had written on your birth plan. I actually think it's really odd that he didn't say something about it. If it's hospital policy you'd think he would have said that the first time you talked about it with him.

I feel the same way as you about male doctors too. That's one reason why I went with the midwives at our practice. I want to be assured of having a woman in charge of the delivery! Otherwise you never know if you'll have a man doing the delivery, even if you regularly see a woman. You probably should switch to a female doctor after the delivery to see more regularly if it would make you more comfortable!

Anyway, I hope you work out the whole birth plan thing in the next few weeks! D-Day is coming up!!