Friday, July 10, 2009

My Fears

So lately I've been thinking about the birth and envisioning how it'll play out (they never really play out how you expect but bear with me). And my worst nightmare? Is that my former doctor will end up being the ONLY doctor available when I'm about to push.

Apparently that freaks Zoe out, too, because she just started rolling around. ;-Þ

In all seriousness that really does make me worry. I'll express the concern to my current doctor at my OB visit tomorrow and hopefully he'll have some reassurance. I even wrote on my birth plan, "Under no circumstance is Dr _______ allowed in my room!" As far as emergencies go, I don't know what would happen. More than likely I don't think I'd care WHO was there so long as my baby was safe. I just do NOT trust that woman, though, even in an emergency. But Zoe matters more than anything.

I'm worrying for nothing, I'm sure, and manifesting my fear via dreams. But it's still hard to think that there may be a slight possibility of Dr. Witch being at the hospital that night.

And to be honest it's probably better I am worrying over something so silly instead of filling my head with all the OTHER dreadful things that could, or could not, happen. I just need peace right now and I hope my doctor is able to reassure me that someone from his office will be available to deliver my precious Zoe.

***For those of you wondering who my former doctor is- she would be the one who broke Abigail's collarbone during her delivery because she was pulling so hard on her (when I was pushing adequately on my own and didn't need for her to do that- she was just in a hurry to get out of there). Abigail then developed torticollis and had to go to physical therapy.

She also refused to help prevent my most recent miscarriage, after putting me on Clomid (UNMONITORED). She refused to give me progesterone supplementation as my HCG went up beautifully but my progesterone kept plummeting. A sonogram showed "fetal demise" (meaning a baby without a heartbeat, which in reality could've been a viable little baby had she just TRIED to ease my mind with the progesterone. If the prog. didn't work then it didn't work and I would know we exhausted every resource to save that pregnancy).


Andrea said...

I'm hoping Dr. Witch won't be there either!! I think it's great that you put that on your birth plan, I'm sure there will be another doctor somewhere in the hospital who could help rather than her. And definitely talk to your current OB about it so that they can back you up!

The Mommy said...

I hope your birth is just as you plan.

The Lynchs said...

I can't believe that happened with Abigail's birth! I would NOT want her in there either!

That being said, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Since you feel so strongly about it, I bet they'll do everything in their power to keep her away from you.

Kaye said...

Praying for all to go well when the time gets here and for your peace of mind about ALL things in the meantime. =)

And I don't think it's bad AT ALL to have that in the birth plan. No reason to be unreasonably nice.

Where's Baby? said...

Thank you!!! :)

Hope Endures said...

Wow. I had no idea that happened; how horrible! I think you have every right to keep Dr. Witch far, far away from precious little Zoe.

Praying that the right doctor will be available when Zoe makes her appearance!