Wow. So today is my due date, which is so surreal. I should already be holding you in my arms or counting down the hours until you are here. But you're not here and you never will be. I have no idea if you're a boy or if you are a girl. And my heart is truly sad for that, for not knowing. For not knowing what you'd look like, who'd you be, what milestones you'd hit, if you have an incredible sense of humor, if you love books or Elmo. I don't get to touch your baby feet and drink you in with my eyes.
My life is devoid of your laughter, your eyes, your sparkle.
And that seems to make my life appear a little more grey in areas, without you here. You quietly made your existence known only to disappear quickly after. It's hard to grasp the wonder and know if it was, in all actuality, for the best. I am very grateful for your sister, Zoe, whom I wouldn't have without your sacrifice. Unwilling sacrifice as it was.
I will always love you and always wonder who you are. You are very loved and missed!