Thursday, July 9, 2009

Kieran

Wow. So today is my due date, which is so surreal. I should already be holding you in my arms or counting down the hours until you are here. But you're not here and you never will be. I have no idea if you're a boy or if you are a girl. And my heart is truly sad for that, for not knowing. For not knowing what you'd look like, who'd you be, what milestones you'd hit, if you have an incredible sense of humor, if you love books or Elmo. I don't get to touch your baby feet and drink you in with my eyes.

My life is devoid of your laughter, your eyes, your sparkle.

And that seems to make my life appear a little more grey in areas, without you here. You quietly made your existence known only to disappear quickly after. It's hard to grasp the wonder and know if it was, in all actuality, for the best. I am very grateful for your sister, Zoe, whom I wouldn't have without your sacrifice. Unwilling sacrifice as it was.

I will always love you and always wonder who you are. You are very loved and missed!


Love Always,
Mommy

5 comments:

Susan Sene said...

This is so sweet - thanks for sharing. I realized this time last year, I was pregnant with my Peanut...and this coming weekend was a year ago when I had some complications. The year anniversary of losing that sweet baby is approaching so I can certainly understand the emotions that are welling up inside of you. I've been praying for you and will continue to!

The Mommy said...

Oh, Joy...this is truly beautiful. My heart aches for oyou and you'll be in my prayers as you spend this day without your sweet one.

Tasha Via said...

What a beautiful post. God's grace is perfect and I'm so excited that you get to enjoy this new bundle of joy so close to such a time of heartache=)

Kaye said...

Thinking of you!

Andrea said...

*HUG*