Friday, July 31, 2009

17 Days and Counting!

My baby girl is starting school in 17 days. That is less than 3 weeks! I decided to pass on the tax-free shopping day because the gasoline it'd take to make an extra trip to the store (which is a good 25-30 minute drive, sometimes more depending on traffic) would not make it worthwhile.

So instead we bought Elaina's school uniforms and school supplies today at our biweekly trip to the grocery store and it was a lot of fun, though a little stressful because they had every size BUT her size in some of the items I wanted. There's a cute pleated skirt and a pair of shorts I wanted but couldn't get because of the sizing issues. When we got home Daddy helped her try everything on while I made dinner!

I don't like this outfit- it's really boyish to me but it is the standard outfit. And obviously I bought pants that were too large so we have to return them for a better size. I think it'd look better if she didn't have to tuck the shirt in (and maybe she doesn't- I don't remember!). I might exchange one pair for capris for a more feminine look.

She's like a mini-exec! SO CUTE!!! This is the white top with a blue skirt (hard to tell because it's so dark!). I plan on finding some fun striped stockings/tights for her to wear with it when it gets cold.

Her blue dress! It's a little big but she'll grow into it fast. Another good one for some fun tights!

My favorite! She looks like such a cute little angel here! This is her jumper with a white shirt.

Shopping for school stuff is so fun! BUT I feel badly because Abigail feels really left out and I don't have extra money to buy her fun things right now, too. Abigail keeps talking about how SHE is going to preschool, not Elaina. It just breaks my heart! I have no idea how to better prepare her and ease her into this change (along with mommy having a new baby and possibly starting potty-training before the year is out). I think a Mommy Date with just Abby is in order!!!

In other news, Elaina is back in Pull-Ups at night. The goal is to have her wake up dry and she'll get rewards. I should make a reward chart. Perhaps a full week will earn her a Happy Meal or a dollar for the dollar store. Or maybe something really simple, like a lollipop. I think I'll change it up every time. Who knows?! Sometimes I have no idea what the heck I'm doing.

Had a doctor appointment. I go to a "practice" so I get to meet each of the doctors. Today I met one of the women doctors and I really liked her. She was pleasant, but distantly so. Regardless I thought she was really sweet to my kids (bonus points) and had a sweet disposition.

Heartbeat was in the 140's (she was probably sleeping because she wasn't moving around) and fundal height was 29, so only a few days ahead of schedule. No biggee! With Abigail I consistently measured 2 weeks ahead, even after changing her due date by 2 weeks and she was 8 lbs 8 ounces! If we hadn't of changed her due date she could've easily been a 10-pounder!

I didn't gain any weight either, probably because I had been sick. I asked about my sickness and cough and I keep getting the brushoff on that one. Everyone keeps telling me something different- asthma (which I don't have, not to mention everyone else around me had the same illness), allergies or a viral infection. So the protocol is to take allergy medication but I refuse to because of the class of the drugs.

Supposed to have gotten GTT results but didn't hear anything so I'm assuming no news is good news at this point. I'll call Monday and see if the results are in because I'm too curious to not ask!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Drama at the Lab!

Today I went for my 1-hour GTT (Glucose Tolerance Test). First of all, for whatever reason my doctor sent me to a different lab than the last GTT I had in the first trimester. So that was confusing and a waste of my time. I went to Qu.est first and the lab order was for L.abC.orp. Okay, so whatever. I drive to the correct place (which is literally across town, whereas the other is closer).

I get my nasty drink, which burned my throat, thanks to my cough that I've had for over a week. So the faces I was making had nothing to do with the drink itself, just the fact it hurt! Ha ha! I couldn't even taste it because of the burning sensation.

And I did fine with it. It didn't make me feel lightheaded, queasy, or anything. But it sure did make Zoe dance! She really liked it.

Well when you have to sit there for an hour you get to do some fun people-watching. I'm a people-watcher. My husband can't take me out on a date without me, at some point, spacing out and watching everyone else in the restaurant but him. Poor guy!

First characters that came in were confused and had a problem with their insurance and a previous lab. They asked if this lab would take their insurance. They fill out the new patient form. Only to be told, "We can't do your work without a lab order from your doctor for this particular lab". Wife got on the phone for 20 minutes to her doctor's office only to storm out, her husband in tow. I felt REALLY bad for them because she really needed the test done and they'd apparently been trying to smooth this out all morning but her doctor's office wouldn't fulfill the request to fax over a lab order.

Second character to come in blew me out of my socks! They wanted to pay the phlebotomist "under the table" with cash to do a test without a lab order from a doctor. This was how it played out:

Weird Lady- "Can I just give you $100 to test me?"
Phlebotomist- "I need an order from your doctor, do you have one?"
Weird Lady- "What? You can't just test me? What if I have some disease and I just want to pay to find out? Why do I need an order from a doctor?"
Phlebotomist- "Here is a number you can call to talk with someone about that. There's nothing I can do."

Lady takes the number and looks at it like it's a snake about to bite her. Throughout this the lab lady was very pleasant and helpful. So Weird Lady turns away and before she stalks out the door she snarls to everyone in the waiting room, "Don't ever, ever come here! That woman was so rude last time I was here and she's just a huge B----!" Then she cackled and flung the door open to leave.

Wow, I had to bite my tongue. I felt bad for the phlebotomist. Everything she did was legal and right and the lady acted like she was done a disservice. There's a reason they need a doctor's order. The lab people don't give you results- a doctor does! If you don't have a doctor, you won't get your lab results.

Finally an hour passed and a different lady at the lab took me back to get my blood drawn. I felt bad for this person, too. You see, she asked me about being pregnant and how my little girls feel about becoming big sisters. She asked me all their names and referred to Zoe by name. Then she confides in me, "I've been trying for 4 years. Did it take you a long time to conceive this one?"

My heart just broke!

I told her it did take a long time and mentioned how I was diagnosed with PCOS, took Clomid, got pregnant and miscarried and then got pregnant again. She's currently on her 5th Clomid cycle and is about to throw the towel in. I did not catch her name (I'm so bad at that!) but please remember her in your prayers.

What really stood out to me was that I would've never guessed she was trying to get pregnant. She showed no animosity toward me, a pregnant woman. She didn't make me feel bad or guilty for being pregnant when she has been trying for so long. She was so pleasant and genuinely wanted to hear how I became pregnant, especially after I mentioned the PCOS (she was recently diagnosed with it).

I think I gave her hope because I have PCOS like her, did Clomid like her, and I did end up pregnant. When I left she had a smile on her pleasant face, though I know part of her was hurting. It has to be hard to see pregnant women come and go at the lab, taking tests that she probably wishes she was taking.

I have no idea what the GTT results will be in (probably by Monday?! I was too involved in the personal conversation with the lab lady that I didn't ask). But I feel I did great and I'm not worried about it!

Natalie's Sentiments

Also, check out Natalie's blog for a FANTASTIC GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sometimes Being a Mom is Hard

I think the hardest part about being a mom is watching my kids grow.

But it's also the most enjoyable part.

Today as I watched Abigail toddle off, her curls shining in the sunshine, I soaked in her still-chubby arms and legs and immediately thought to myself how it won't be long before she thins out into a preschooler and eventually up to a slim, trim teenaged girl. I caught a glimpse of grace and poise, much like a dancer, as her Nonna walked her out of my line of sight. Maybe that's what started all of this thinking.

And I wondered in that moment, "I know who Abigail is now. But who will she be then?" I fought hard against this feeling of losing a piece of her (her babyness) and tried to remind myself how blessed I am to even be here to watch her grow. Don't get me wrong- I'm EXCITED to see who my kids become and part of me cannot wait to see what they take interest in.

As a parent you see every little wonderful and beautiful detail of your child's life. You know them like no one else knows them. You can tell if something is wrong because of a slight expression on their face, whereas no one else would be the wiser. You get to watch them change and morph from a helpless infant into a completely independent person. And you also have to eventually let them go and let them be individuals who can drive, go to work, pay the bills, have their own family...

Being a mom is hard; letting go day-by-day is hard. I often catch my words in my throat and just sit in silence, watching and waiting, instead of correcting and making them stay close. They're still in my vision at this age, but soon they'll exist in places outside of my realm of sight. I have to let go and I have to trust that they'll be safe without me there. And that is probably the hardest part of all- to trust they're safe when you aren't there to help prevent whatever catastrophe that could (but probably won't) harm them.

I guess I'm just feeling melancholy today. But today being a mom is hard. Hard because I don't want them to grow, at least not so fast. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be ready for them to be older and wiser. But today I want them to stay babies forever.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Week 28- and a MAJOR vent

I don't feel like I'm in the 3rd trimester... at all! I still feel like I should be in the first or early second. Time just doesn't seem to want to slow down. So I'm feeling good, pregnancy-wise! Not really having any symptoms, only get back pain when I'm doing something I shouldn't (sitting improperly, for example).

No swelling, still wearing the wedding ring. My hair is still a frizzball mess so I did a search last night about what would be the best products to help. I'm just going to have to try a bunch of stuff to find what works! I use Inf.usium 23 shampoo and conditioner so I may get their "Frizz Ologie" stuff to see how it works. My hair is soft, but it just frizzes out!

Now onto my vent. This is a pretty serious vent about something that irks me like nothing else can irk me. And I don't even care if the person ends up finding this- it might be best if they did. On Fac.ebook I'm friends with a guy from my former youth group. Apparently he got married and they're having their first baby.

Well he keeps updating his status to say that they're trying to get his wife's contractions going, that they're eager to meet baby and that they're ready for him to be here. No problem, right?

He started doing that when she was around 32-33 weeks pregnant! She is currently only 36 weeks pregnant. See where I'm going with this?

If you want to be a pig-headed, selfish jerk go ahead and have your baby prematurely. The March of Dimes doesn't mean anything? RSV? Asthma? Your baby's vision and respiration? How about his birthweight (at 36 weeks the most you could probably hope for is a 4-pound baby!)? Do you know what a NICU is?

Sure, babies can be born early and survive miraculously. Some don't even have problems (or at least not until later in life). But DELIBERATELY wanting to bring your child into the world before the 40 weeks is up, without any medical issues, is the nastiest and most selfish thing I've ever heard. All because you're "so excited to meet him".

So of course I mention to him that studies show that babies born before 37 weeks do not fair well with respiration and end up in the NICU whether they have a problem or not, etc., etc.

His response is another update: "Stop living in fear! God is going to protect my son and he will be born healthy!"

Not fear, sweetheart. It's called concern and reality. Stop being immature and selfish. Babies DIE, babies get sick. Also, God created the gestation period for human beings to be 40 weeks, NOT 30-something. Stop trying to bring your baby into the world before he is meant to be here. Stop getting in the way of God's timing for your son to be born, if you want to bring God into the conversation! It is one thing when your wife's life is in danger, if your son's life is in danger or if premature birth is unpreventable. It is intentionally and willfully trying to induce labor before baby is even ready that makes me so, so, so angry!

I am praying that their child stays in for another month. A month is a long time! A lot happens in those final weeks to prepare baby for the world. And this guy and his wife want to jack it all up out of their eagerness and naivety. Dear God help them! I hope they know how to even care for a newborn. (Okay so that last statement was really judgmental and I apologize, to an extent! I'm really really really nervous for that baby!)

I don't know what else to say so I haven't said anything else beyond the statistics I pointed out. I don't think this person wants to hear it and won't be receptive at all. But I'm not going to take him off my Fac.ebook because I'm too eager to hear how everything turns out for their child.

End of the rant from a very emotionally-charged pregnant woman. I'm eager to meet Zoe, but not at the cost of her life and/or health. People are just too impatient in this generation for their own good.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I've Lasted 6 Days...

... without taking any medication (other than Tylenol when I had a fever). But I finally broke down and called the doc. I get to take Muc.inex. I hate taking meds when pregnant but at this point I'm so miserable I can't handle it anymore. Poor Zoe probably feels like she's living in a shake-machine every time I cough!

Anyway I am so sick of being sick I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Last night when I was laying in bed, waiting for Daniel to turn the light off... I looked over my shoulder at my leg because I had an itch. AND............ I found stretchmarks! Where the heck did they come from? They seriously weren't there the day before. I've got some on my hips and now on my belly. I did have stretchmarks with Abigail but they faded to almost gone so it was crazy to see the pale purple rivers of over-stretched skin out of nowhere!

I actually don't care about stretchmarks. Some women completely flip out but I'm not one of them. I boldly said, "They are badges of honor!" to Daniel in which he replied, "And that is what a man says to his wife when he wants to get lucky." Ohhhh... he's in so much trouble! (And he was totally joking so don't break out the guillotine!)

They fade and aren't a big deal. I'm not a bikini-wearing woman anyway and I don't have to impress anyone (that's why there's an "off" switch on the lights). But when I saw the beginning of cellulite on my derriere not long ago I did cringe! Don't know why. Maybe because cellulite is something you can have, big or small, and it doesn't fade.

Other skin issues- I guess I have a linea nigra now. I really can't see since my enormous chest is in the way. I think I have a pale one. Another no-biggee.

Zoe must know her momma doesn't feel well, too, because she has been quite entertaining lately. My entire belly shakes and jiggles when she moves. Sometimes I feel like I could fall off a chair because she rocks my belly so hard!

Did you get stretchmarks, cellulite or both? How did you feel about it? If you've never been pregnant, would it matter to you if you did experience those things?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Week 27, 3rd Trimester, and Sick as a Dog

I am officially in the 3rd trimester! According to a few sources I have week 27 is the start of the 3rd trimester. Wow, so the last leg of the race has commenced!

On a poo-poo note I'm really sick. I finally got enough energy, after finally breaking down and taking Tylenol and eating, to get on here. Apparently Daniel, his brother, and a friend of ours are all sick with this same upper respiratory thing. Dry, hacking cough that makes you want to vomit, can't breathe without wanting to cough your brains out, no appetite, feels like someone sitting on your chest, headache... and of course I can't take anything (except the Tylenol for the headache). Not being able to take a good, deep breath is really difficult.

So I'm off to bed and hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Rudest Thing

This has been such a lovely and wonderful weekend after Friday's emotional fiasco over my weight (thank you for your responses, btw!). We spent Saturday at the zoo and had our niece come over for dinner (pizza!) and games afterward. And today, after church, I went to a baby shower.

And was told, probably, the rudest thing I can remember being told by a perfect stranger.

I actually laughed. It seriously IS funny to me but I must share because I immediately thought to myself, in amusement, "This is so blogworthy!" Didn't hurt my feelings but I was shocked and appalled by their brashness toward someone they didn't even know, even embarrassed for them, not myself.

I was standing at the counter while my girls were at the table eating cake/ice cream. This woman, without even looking at me, says, "Is this your first?"

"Oh no, this is my third. My other two are over there."

She glances at me, wrinkles her nose, and says in a haughty tone, "You do NOT look old enough to be having babies."

I actually burst out laughing, as though my youthful appearance has anything to do with my parenting skills. What else can you do?

And instead of giving my own snarky remark back I simply said, "Yes, I know I look about 17 but I'm actually in my 20's." And I left it at that. I don't have to justify or defend myself. I can tell when I go out in public that people judge me by the looks they give, but no one has ever actually said anything TO ME about the thoughts running through their minds.

After I got home a ton of retorts went through my mind. But in the end I think how I responded was mature and the best way for a Christian to respond. But believe me, afterward I DID wish I had said something to really put her in her place. Ah, well, all is well that ends well!

No some pictures of my oh-so-youthful face and our trip to the zoo, in no particular order.

On our way to see the Red Panda (pictured behind them)

On the train at the zoo! I think Daddy looks sexy in this pic. And Elaina looks so beautiful!!!

Kangaroos running wild! Only shot we got of any animals.

I will age well, ha ha! Abigail and her young-n-vibrant mother!

My mini-me and me!

26 weeks, 4 days
I promised a full body shot so here you go!
Looks like my belly is taking over my shirts. Need to buy some longer ones, me thinks!
And my boobs are about as big as my face. Wow! I probably didn't need to point that out but it's funny so I will anyway.

So what is the rudest thing you have ever been told? Did you like your response or wish you could've responded differently? Do share!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Tipping the Scale (a whiny post)

So today I was weighed and let me just say the result has left me feeling absolutely horrible and even depressed. The person who weighed me wasn't a jerk about it or anything BUT they did show me a "growth chart" like you see at the pediatrician's office. She said, "Well you weren't tiny to begin with... but we want you to gain 15 lbs total. You've gained 21 lbs thus far."

Well bite me.

I'm doing what I can. I'm not eating like a pig, though I did just have a bout of emotional eating because I thought, "What the H?! Might as well!"

I've never ever had a weight issue that left me feeling this way. And I hate being made to feel guilty, as though I'm doing something wrong when I'm actually trying to do everything right. It's not like we can do anything about it anyway! And more weight IS probably coming.

I've always been that person who was annoyed about pregnant women complaining about their expanding waistlines and here I am doing the same thing. Sorry, I really am. But I am a person who has to be honest with their feelings. I am not any less grateful for being pregnant, for having Zoe. This is purely a self-image thing that actually doesn't have anything to do with actually BEING pregnant. They just happen to be coinciding at this time.

FYI- I weighed in at exactly 200 lbs today. I used to weigh 130 once upon a time and thought that was fat. Oh how naive I was!!!

To top that off I got really angry with Daniel tonight, probably partly due to my already cranky crankiness. So I'm just feeling completely pathetic and unattractive right now, all by myself, because he got to go out and get out of the house.

So that is my whiny, emotional post for the year.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

What I'm Packing

Feeling blah about blogging lately. So I'm just going to make a list of what I'm packing for the hospital!!! Will probably pack it in September. We also plan to install the carseat that month.

Daddy's Stuff:
-some change for cafeteria/vending
(though he drinks a TON of the complimentary juice from the L&D floor's kitchen, LOL!)

Mommy's Stuff:
-Toiletries (deodorant, makeup, bathing stuff, etc.)
-Going home clothes
-Special book to chart feedings/diaps/delivery

Baby's Stuff:
-Going home clothes
-Binky (sanitized)

-Little gift bags for each girl from Zoe (probably put some fruit snacks and stickers in the bags, nothing major)

When I had Elaina I brought SO MUCH stuff. Abigail not as much stuff. And now you can see it is the bare minimum! We don't live far from the hospital and Daniel will be home at night with the girls (instead of with me at the hospital) so if I end up needing something he can just bring it.

Though the next time someone comes into my hospital room with some freaking good food while I have a hospital tray in front of me (or even if there isn't a tray in front of me) I might slap them. That happened way too often the last couple deliveries! And is soooooooooo unfair! I'm the one who just had a baby. Okay, I'm not sore about it still. Not bitter. Not at all!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Week 26 and Dr. Witch Update

The countdown is now under 100 days! I thought this pregnancy would go so slow but I swear we're moving at lightning speed. Even now I'm typing and feeling her roll around, aware that these moments won't last forever but having a hard time figuring out how to make them last.

So a few posts back I mentioned a great fear of mine- that my former doctor (Dr. Witch) would be the only doctor available on L&D when it was time for me to push. I told my current doctor my fear and he listened. But then he sternly (and I do mean STERNLY) told me, "Do not, NOT worry about that! Our practice delivers our patients and I've never had to have her deliver one of my patients."

Phew! Big weight off my shoulders.

We also talked over a few of my other concerns and I gave him my birth plan.

He looked my birth plan over and said, "There's nothing on here that is crazy and out of the ordinary so I don't think any of this will be a problem!" He also said he'll circulate it with the other doctors and initial everything. And I really appreciated that he didn't act as though a birth plan was some crazy, control freak type thing. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had on there and was willing to compromise and work with my wishes. I plan on going over it with him again and finalizing everything after he's had a chance to thoroughly go through it.

I did ask him about delayed cord clamping and he said he waits for the cord to stop pulsing before clamping but they rarely put baby on mommy's belly/chest for that because then they'd be above the placenta and their blood could drain back into the placenta?! I never heard that in all my research of this. So I'll probably do some more research and bring in what I find to discuss it with him.

Can you believe it? After this next appointment (3 weeks from my last one) I start going every TWO WEEKS! When he said that I almost said, "What? Why?!" I just keep forgetting how far along I'm getting. Ha ha! It's just time to start going every 2 weeks now. I'm starting to get deliciously nervous about meeting Zoe!

Some things we have left to do:
  • Install infant seat into car
  • Do the chair rail (!!!). Daniel really doesn't want to. If he ends up not doing it he is going to finish painting the entire room green because I can't stand wallpaper borders.
  • Pack hospital bag
  • Figure out Zoe's middle name (again, Daniel's department!)
Those are the only imminent things that must be done. There's a ton of other stuff that's not as important but I hope gets done.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Christmas in July

I have some nursery updates but I need to wait until daylight to take pictures. I keep bugging Daniel about the chair rail but he's procrastinating. I just want it done. I do have a question for you guys, though- should I paint the chair rail pink or brown (like the trim)? I'm trying to add as much pink to the room as possible. And the brown might be too dark? I'm so indecisive sometimes.

Every single Friday this month someone has an appointment, it's crazy. Elaina has to get shots for school and then there's a WIC appointment and I have to do my glucose test.

Oh yes, it's time for the glucose test. I actually am not worried about it. I passed with my first two girlies so hoping this time I pass, too! The PCOS can make this a little tricky because you're at greater risk for developing it. I caught my PCOS so early, though, that I didn't have any glucose/insulin problems. And I definitely hope it has stayed that way!

I've been feeling hot lately. I'm having a hard time cooling off once I get hot, too. Yesterday, after giving the girls a bath, I stood over the air conditioning vent, my arms still soaking wet from their bath. And even then I couldn't cool off!

So does anyone else start thinking about Christmas once they hit the middle of the year? We're not the kind of family that can afford to buy Christmas (and pay property tax and whatever else needs to be paid) all at once. So I start shopping early, just little bits here and there.

This year is going to be pretty low-key and not high-tech. I'm finding out pretty quick how much I hate just having STUFF and unused toys. It's definitely time to go through the stuffed animals and dolls.

I have a hard time figuring out what to do for Abigail. She's in that weird in-between stage where some games are still too hard for her and other toys are too babyish.

I wanted to give a heads-up to the Lit.tlest Sh.op fans out there- Dol.lar Ge.neral has them for HALF what they cost at Tar.get and Wa.lmart. In fact you can find some pretty amazing deals there on other toys.

I told Elaina that Zoe will be out of my tummy with us for Christmas and I asked her what she wanted to get Zoe (I actually don't plan on getting her anything other than maybe a cute outfit and a little toy). Her eyes lit up and she said, "Oh, I want to get her a dress. A pretty, pink one! And some shoes to wear. They have to be sparkly! And I have to get her socks so the shoes don't hurt her feet!"

Is that not the sweetest thing?!

I think Elaina is going to like having a living doll around here.

Last night I could feel Zoe's head or bum. Just this hard spot on the top of my stomach that wouldn't move (which makes me think it is her head- usually the bum is a little squishier and when you push on it their whole body moves). Sometimes the body part would move from my right side, over to the middle, then back again. Oh I love it! Now I can feel her when she's NOT moving. I just spent time rubbing whatever body part it was and loving on her. I cannot wait to see what she looks like!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Muddy Butt

Nothing like a summer rain, is there? This downpour started after dinner but earlier in the day we had a wonderful, sunny Family Day.

We went to Gordm.ans and I found something for the nursery. Then we went to Ol.ive Gar.den where Zoe and I enjoyed some soup, salad and breadsticks.

After that we stopped at Babies-R-Us where I found some blankets for Miss Zoe. By this time we were all so hot we stopped into a Da.iry Qu.een where Abigail dropped her sundae on the floor and both girls had fudge smeared in their hair and across their foreheads and even up their arms! It was delightful!

When we got home I took a nap with Abigail in my bed. We slept until 5pm (which is our dinnertime!) because we had gotten home later than expected. We had a sort of short-order dinner where we literally all ate something different and quick.

Then the downpour.

Elaina was playing her Go Fish game and the motor on it is kind of loud. So when I stepped into the laundry room to throw dirty bibs in the washer I heard the rain just pounding the roof!

And so we all went outside and ran in the rain (okay, so I sat with my feet hanging off the porch, but everyone else ran).

Oops, fell into a muddy puddle!

Muddy Butt

Our Family Day concluded with a quick wash in the tub and an episode of Stargate, complete with popcorn. Abigail started singing, "Stargaaaaaaate! Stargaaaate!" And on the way up to bed told me, "I yike the Stargate!" Me, too, baby. Me too!

Here is an excerpt from Daniel, that he wrote tonight, and I wanted to share it with you (with his permission):

"When the Rain Comes..."- July 11, 2009

Our family was in the house cleaning up after dinner. Elaina and Abby were playing a fishing game at the table. All of a sudden we heard rain water falling on our roof. I looked outside and saw heavy downpour of summer showers. We soon found ourselves standing on the front porch observing the heavy rain.

I began to focus on my sagging gutters, failing downspouts and rotting wood. And I was quickly becoming discouraged. Just then, Elaina ventures into the rain. She was moving so slow as if the rain was paralyzing her. I looked at her and decided to join her. I ran off the porch and right past her, down to the sidewalk. She now ran with me!

Abby soon joined us. For whatever reason I began to show my girls how to splash in the puddles that had developed nearly as quick as the rain began to fall. We splashed around for awhile; Abigail fell into a giant, muddy puddle. We were enjoying this sudden summer shower.

During that time of playing like a kid, with my kids, I forgot all about the sagging gutters, failing downspouts and rotting wood... almost. Oh I did notice them as I was running around and as we went back inside. But I thought to myself, "There's nothing I can do about it at the moment. May as well splash around in this storm."

As I walked upstairs it was as if I had gotten a revelation from God. That's how we should act in those storms that sometimes come our way suddenly. James 1:2 tells us to consider it all JOY when trials or storms come. Storms will pass... new ones will come... We may not be able to fix what needs fixing right away... but we can always have joy, even when it pours!

Friday, July 10, 2009

My Fears

So lately I've been thinking about the birth and envisioning how it'll play out (they never really play out how you expect but bear with me). And my worst nightmare? Is that my former doctor will end up being the ONLY doctor available when I'm about to push.

Apparently that freaks Zoe out, too, because she just started rolling around. ;-Þ

In all seriousness that really does make me worry. I'll express the concern to my current doctor at my OB visit tomorrow and hopefully he'll have some reassurance. I even wrote on my birth plan, "Under no circumstance is Dr _______ allowed in my room!" As far as emergencies go, I don't know what would happen. More than likely I don't think I'd care WHO was there so long as my baby was safe. I just do NOT trust that woman, though, even in an emergency. But Zoe matters more than anything.

I'm worrying for nothing, I'm sure, and manifesting my fear via dreams. But it's still hard to think that there may be a slight possibility of Dr. Witch being at the hospital that night.

And to be honest it's probably better I am worrying over something so silly instead of filling my head with all the OTHER dreadful things that could, or could not, happen. I just need peace right now and I hope my doctor is able to reassure me that someone from his office will be available to deliver my precious Zoe.

***For those of you wondering who my former doctor is- she would be the one who broke Abigail's collarbone during her delivery because she was pulling so hard on her (when I was pushing adequately on my own and didn't need for her to do that- she was just in a hurry to get out of there). Abigail then developed torticollis and had to go to physical therapy.

She also refused to help prevent my most recent miscarriage, after putting me on Clomid (UNMONITORED). She refused to give me progesterone supplementation as my HCG went up beautifully but my progesterone kept plummeting. A sonogram showed "fetal demise" (meaning a baby without a heartbeat, which in reality could've been a viable little baby had she just TRIED to ease my mind with the progesterone. If the prog. didn't work then it didn't work and I would know we exhausted every resource to save that pregnancy).

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Wow. So today is my due date, which is so surreal. I should already be holding you in my arms or counting down the hours until you are here. But you're not here and you never will be. I have no idea if you're a boy or if you are a girl. And my heart is truly sad for that, for not knowing. For not knowing what you'd look like, who'd you be, what milestones you'd hit, if you have an incredible sense of humor, if you love books or Elmo. I don't get to touch your baby feet and drink you in with my eyes.

My life is devoid of your laughter, your eyes, your sparkle.

And that seems to make my life appear a little more grey in areas, without you here. You quietly made your existence known only to disappear quickly after. It's hard to grasp the wonder and know if it was, in all actuality, for the best. I am very grateful for your sister, Zoe, whom I wouldn't have without your sacrifice. Unwilling sacrifice as it was.

I will always love you and always wonder who you are. You are very loved and missed!

Love Always,

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Week 25 (already?!) and Regressions *UPDATE

WEEK 25- don't mind the CAT HAIR all over me (yuck!).
Beckett was just laying on me and I had no idea how bad he is shedding. I have to go gag now... I would take pictures of my whole body except that Daniel STINKS at taking belly pics so I have to do these myself. I'll try the timer another time.
I just realized that all the previous belly pics I've taken got wiped out when my computer "got sick" but at least I have them on my blog and can get them off of here!

I've been feeling really good. I do get a lot of hip pain when I sleep but other than that I can't complain much. I think I've had some contractions already but nothing noteworthy.

Miss Zoe has been a wiggle worm today. Elaina got a chance to feel her move some more and her eyes just got huge. I think it's starting to feel more real to her. Today she spent a ton of time pouring over my pregnancy books (the ones with pictures) and telling me "This is what Zoe looks like right now!" She doesn't ask really deep questions but instead makes observations. Whenever I eat something she says to me, "Is Zoe eating right now, too?"

Speaking of Elaina- she is regressing. I don't know if she's stressed out about starting school AND having a new baby soon or what. She's peed the bed twice this week and she peed out in public the other day. She never does this and has done amazing with potty training so I can only assume she is stressed out. What's weird to me is that she doesn't appear stressed but in fact actually seems really happy, except for the fact she keeps wetting herself.

I had a talk with her a couple weeks ago about going to the potty while she's at school, so maybe that stressed her out. Her teacher is a man so I'm wondering how the whole potty thing works for the preschoolers because it has been pounded into her little brain that NO ONE, beside her parents, can accompany her to the bathroom. The bathrooms are private (one toilet) instead of the typical, larger bathrooms with multiple stalls, so that's good. I called the school to ask if there's an orientation where someone could answer these types of questions but haven't gotten a call back. I would assume they'd have an orientation, right?

Other than that she's been doing great. She's been going to VBS (Vacation Bible School) with her cousin this week. She told me today, "I go to VBS and then I go to big school!" She's doing really good, coming home happy from VBS. Which is a relief because I wondered how she might do coming home from school. I don't ask a million questions. I just welcome her back home and tell her how much I missed her, make her lunch and let her rest. If I do ask what she did or learned she clams up, so I let her tell me in her own time. She is definitely a child that needs to do things in her own time and volunteer the information herself.

And I guess Abigail has been regressing or dealing with stress in her own way as well or perhaps it is just the fact that she's 2 years old. Naptime and bedtime have become NIGHTMARISH. She does perfectly fine- picks out jammies, diaper change, brushing teeth, brushing hair, prayers, etc. But the moment I start to walk out of the room it falls apart. The screaming and incoherent demands start. "I yant my bwanket!!!!!" and then "I don't YANT my BWANKET!" the moment I put it on her. Back-and-forth to the point I give her one chance to decide what she wants before I walk out and let her cry it out.

She calms down within minutes but it's insane. It really stresses me out because I want her to go to bed happily and I can't seem to do anything right. We have a routine. I'm just assuming this is her way of acting out before baby comes. I try to make bedtime as smooth and happy as possible so I get discouraged when it doesn't end up that way.

Other than those things everyone seems to be happy and healthy!!!

UPDATE: So last night, after I write this post I go upstairs to check on the girls and Elaina had wet the bed... again. I calmly cleaned her and the bed up (she has a mattress protector). This is what we are doing so far:

-no water after 7pm (may bump it up to 6-6:30)
-she always goes to the bathroom before she goes to bed (bedtime is 8pm)
-I always take her to the bathroom before I go to bed (around 11pm)

I don't know what else to do! I don't want to put her back in diaps. I'm starting to go to bed earlier and earlier. Perhaps I just need to be more diligent to check on her earlier and make it no water after 6:30.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Because It's Easier This Way

We had a great 4th of July! We went to my sister-in-law's house. They have a huge lot behind their house where we speculate a different house once stood but possibly burned to the ground? Their landlord plans to build another house there to live sometime in the near future but for now it's great for BBQs! It feels like you're in the country, even though you're really in the midst of a large city.

And... pictures from our day! Enjoy!

Abigail is READY to go to the party!

Part of the BBQ- the fire pit and food!

Swimming made them hungry!!!

The Man- read his shirt!

The kids wouldn't stand still long enough for a photo-op but that's okay! They had a blast in the pool!!! I'm on the right holding Abigail.

Picking raspberries! And eating them!!! You can see Abigail in the back, triumphant.

Elaina inspecting her raspberry. She claims she doesn't like them but she'd eat the ones she picked!

So proud of herself! She kept picking unripe ones and eating them!!!

Miss Cranky Pants- she started feeling better after she ate

I yelled, "Where's JOY?!?!?!"

Elaina ate 2 hotdogs and half a cheeseburger. The kid was HUNGRY!

I think Daniel is the father... ha ha! She's his spitting image!
If you click on it, it will enlarge and you can see their faces better- she has his eyes, lips and nose!!! It's crazy!

Roasting marshmallows as it started getting dark, before fireworks!

The lovebirds before the fireworks began! I don't know what he was doing with his hair.

I hope yours was a blessed holiday!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Why it means so much...

So tomorrow is my favorite holiday of the year. It just brings back a lot of memories and you have to love FREEDOM! This post seems a little sporadic so bear with me!

As a kid we'd start the day off at the Parade! There were floats and truck beds full of red, white and blue! As a Girl Scout we got our own float in the parade (yes, I've been in half a dozen parades as a kid!). One year our float was called, "Red, White and Boo!" and we dressed up in Halloween costumes. I can't remember if that was actually for the 4th of July or for Homecoming (in the fall) but whatever.

We got to throw candy out to the kids, which was so much fun. But mostly I was a spectator, especially as a teenager. After the parade we'd slather on more sunscreen and head over to the Bandshell (outdoor stage and park) where there were craft booths and festival rides. Usually we'd end up with frozen lemonade and walk around in the blazing sun pretending we had money to buy all this junk we didn't really need.

Later it was Papa John's pizza and fireworks! Hey, what can I say? My mom was a single mom. Grilling hotdogs wasn't exactly her forté. There were sparklers and those little poppers, lawn chairs and small talk. There was always that air of anticipation and magic!

Whenever I spent the 4th with my dad we'd end up at someone's party where there was tons of food and a fire going for marshmallows. We'd just sit outside until the sun went down and the fireworks lit up the sky! He and his friends usually had a ton of the illegal stuff and we'd shoot stuff off, the kids screaming in mock terror and running amuck... good times!

While the memories are wonderful and give me that warm, fuzzy feeling I have to remind myself what this day truly means. Being proud of who we are and what we stand for (seemingly difficult in this recent years as our Constitution is continually threatened). And being thankful for having so many freedoms that, honestly, no other country has!

I wish my mom were still around to celebrate. She always managed to burn her skin something awful, but it seemed like she was always in a great mood for this holiday. She always tried to make it fun, even if she was so sick she could hardly stand it (she'd have to rest a lot or not go out for as long). For those of you who don't know, she had cancer.

I remember the last time we celebrated together and she was really sick but she still got up to take me to the festivities. Being mindful of her condition we stayed long enough to get our frozen lemonade before I had to help her walk back to the car. I could tell she felt guilty but I kept telling her I was too hot and that I needed to go home and cool off anyway. I didn't want her to feel bad and I didn't want her to pass out in the heat!

Now that we have our own little family we are starting to make our own traditions. So this is a fresh beginning and a fresh outlook on what the future holds, as we look upon the heavens in anticipation for spectacular bursts of fire, never knowing exactly where they'll sparkle.

Tomorrow we are going over to Daniel's sister's home for a BBQ and for swimming and fireworks (if the fireworks don't get rained out). I'm looking forward to great food, for getting to swim, for relaxing, and for just being with the ones we love!

So that is why this holiday means so much to me. I'm very thankful that I have so much family around and I'm incredibly blessed to be free!

Thursday, July 2, 2009


I just had to take a moment to put it down in words that tonight Zoe startled her father. You see, yesterday her movements started to become really strong, as in you could see waves across my belly. Tonight as I'm sitting here I feel the biggest roll in the middle of my stomach and sure enough, our little Zoe is going to town!

I softly call Daniel over, as anytime I talk she stops moving. He lays his hand there...

... and nothing!

So he starts poking and pushing on my belly. Still nothing. I tell him to stop because she tends to stop moving when we push on her or talk.

And.... she gives him a hard WOMP!!! She about kicked his hand off my stomach! He actually kind of jumped and yelled, "WHOA! Now I know I felt her!" Apparently he didn't count the softer movements from her because he wasn't completely sure that it was Zoe moving. Tonight there is no doubt. We have plans to hopefully feel more movements tonight in bed, when she tends to really wake up.

I also want to add that Daniel has told me, "I might not pick out her middle name until she's born and I see her!"


Momma can't wait. ;-(

I'm off to pester him. He won't even tell me the names he's considering and I am the one bearing his child!!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

100 Years!

Managed to take a pic of myself in the mirror. Look at that belly!

Happy Birthday to our house!

On July 1, 2006 we moved into our first home. So today we are "celebrating" being in our home for 3 years and also celebrating that our house is now 100 years old. It was built in 1909 by a family and until recently was kept in the original family. There's a ton we have already done, and a ton more we still have to do (many of it cosmetic as you may notice in pictures). So let's take a tour through my Post-Victorian house... They are in no particular order!

My first-floor laundry, in the playroom:

The Playroom, which is considered a bedroom but we use it for all the kids' stuff!


Can ya see why I hate to cook in this kitchen? It's butt ugly. I should enter a contest. I think Rachel Ray has one called "The Ugliest Kitchen Contest". Ha!

Part of the Big Girls' Room (see Abigail sleeping?)

Our "Attic" (aka Third Story) where I store everything

One side of the Attic, my craft area

Other side of the Attic, guest room (I have a lot of clothes and blankets to go through apparently... ha ha!)

Zoe's room.......... so far! And no, those are NOT the window treatments I'll be using. I'm hoping to buy THESE.

The Hallway upstairs- all but 2 doors in our house are these 6-paneled, hardwood doors with glass knobs.

Our 2nd floor bathroom- I ♥ purple!

The Master Suite, my dresser on left

Other view of my bedroom

The Powder Room, which is inside the Master Suite- kind of storing stuff in there that I need to fix or will be using shortly

Our Stairs

The Foyer, it's a really big foyer! The stairs used to have a bench but previous owners STOLE IT when they moved!

The Parlor or Living Room

The Family Room (NEEDS some work- like carpet and new seating). The blue walls are NOT that bright. My flash made it look brighter.

The Dining Room (look, we even have Zoe's seat all ready for her! It's a space-saver highchair that reclines for newborns)

So that is our house! I didn't show the first floor bathroom, the 3rd floor bathroom or the basement. Those bathrooms are in states of MAJOR REPAIR! I'm thinking of taking out the 3rd story bathroom and making it a big walk-in closet or powder room for when my girls are old enough to move up there.