Friday, June 5, 2009

I just can't believe it

Since my last post I haven't been online, haven't seen the comments. When I logged into my email tonight and started reading through all the comments/congratulations I realized that more than half of the comments were left by women who are struggling with infertility and wanting a baby... right now in this moment. It brought tears to my eyes to see your selfless support and heartfelt congratulations in the midst of your own battle. I feel so far removed from the "infertility" community because mine was "secondary infertility" (meaning I had fertility issues after already having had children).

But seeing those comments from these women I've watched struggle with multiple miscarriages and repeated BFNs and fertility tests and retrievals--- they meant the world to me. It made me realize that even having successful pregnancies doesn't mean that my struggle was forgotten in getting to this specific place in this pregnancy. Thank you so very much, my dear sweet friends! I'm still rooting for each and every single one of you!

Someone else I love very, very much has been on my mind this week. My oldest daughter turned 4 years old yesterday! Elaina got to open up her new booster carseat (pink, of course!) and then got to go shopping for her first bicycle. Later we made chocolate chip birthday cookies together. Of course I don't have any pictures with me.

Elaina started the week off very sick and passed the illness-baton to her little sister. So Abigail is still fighting this nasty bug and is absolutely miserable. Is there some rule that the second child to get sick has it worse?! We had to reschedule Elaina's birthday party to next weekend.

Great news, the guy fixing our computer prayed over it and voila! The stinker works. He's going to take it apart to see why the hard drive malfunctioned, to see it still needs to be replaced. He's doing all this for free (we're just paying for the parts), so thank God for that! And it should be back in my loving arms tomorrow. Woo hoo! I did give Daniel the look and said, "Now why didn't YOU pray over it?" Ha ha!

We still don't have a middle name for Miss Zoe. Daddy is taking his sweet time, which is fine. At least we know the first name! And it's so much fun to see the big sisters call her by name. We've even come up with nicknames for her already. Zoe Boop, Zo-Zo to name a couple. We didn't name the other girlies until their Birth Days so it's refreshing to have a name already selected.

Abigail is hilarious when she talks to the baby. She touches my belly ever-so gently, squints her eyes, tilts her head and talks in a very soft voice in her toddler jibberish.

The funniest thing to me right now is watching Abigail play with baby dolls like they're real. She even makes whimpering sounds for them and makes crying sounds that sound very newborn-like. Sometimes I rush to a room because of the sounds she's making only to find her gently rocking her doll and giving it a bottle. I need to catch her doing it on tape because it's hysterical.

Still no major movements from Zoe. I only feel the occasional flutter. Although last night we were watching someone sing the National Anthem at some NBA game, I was sitting on the edge of the couch with my hand over my heart listening intently... when I felt this sharp poke somewhat near my belly button that scared me so bad I yelled out and flung my body back on the couch. I thought Daniel had poked me in the stomach! Maybe it was the baby. Or Daniel's lying and he really did poke me.

I haven't really liked the name Danielle but it's growing on me. It's a name Daniel has always wanted to use but I've shot down. Thinking about it just now made me feel very warm inside because of it's familiarity and closeness to Daniel's name. Now if only Daniel would hurry up and decide. I'm one impatient Momma!


Jess said...

In my opinion, it doesn't matter when you had infertility issues because the pain of a miscarriage is horrible no matter what! I don't know about the other girls, but I love reading blogs of others who have children or are pregnant even though I am dying to have a baby because their blogs give me hope that someday we will be in your shoes too! :)

Happy Birthday Elaina!

Zoe's dad needs to make up his mind! :) I really like Zoe Danielle but I am a little biased. My dad's name is Daniel and our little girl is going to be named Danielle after her grandpa. My mom bailed out on us years ago and my dad has always been mom and dad, so he has been my IF cheerleader, lol, he really wants to be a grandpa! :)

My Regular Voice said...

Happy Birthday Elaina!
Okay you seriously need to catch Abigail with her baby doll on tape. That sounds so precious!! :)

Kahla said...

I've been asked if I still consider myself infertile now that we have a child and another on the way... absolutely. That is something that stays with you forever. I have felt guilt so many times while grieving for others knowing I have what they want, but then I realize, I've been in their shoes too. It's such a horrible thing!

Happy Birthday to Elaina! Sounds like a very fun bday! I hope the sickness is out of your house very soon!

I still feel very little movement too, makes me feel better that I'm not the only one! Our day is coming!

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Kaye said...

Wishing Elaina a happy (belated) birthday!

You seriously need to capture Abigail on video and share...I'm sure it would be a priceless treasure to keep!