So lately I've been trying to imagine what life will be like with all girls. I never ever once thought I'd have three daughters. Three little girls to be best friends, play dress-up, giggle throughout the middle of the night, braid each others' hairs, go to dances together, "borrow" each others' clothes and then ruin them, conspiring together against their parents (I jest, I jest!)...
I have these moments where I think to myself, "What if the sonogram was wrong?!" and so I'm kind of relieved that we'll be getting the 3D sonogram done (probably end of July). I went through this with Elaina and Abigail, too. For some reason when you're told GIRL you kind of doubt if they're right even if it is plain as day. Pregnant women seem to be paranoid as it is so it's best to just indulge our insanity as we question the very revealing gender scan!
My stomach has begun to feel really heavy and it's round like a basketball. I love it! Zoe's movements are still inconsistent. Some days it's like an amusement park in the womb and other days it's like a quiet little spa with barely any interaction. She really likes music and "dances" away, then again most babies do that anyway. My sister described it best when she said, "Music is a soul thing- we're not taught how to do it as children. Children just know to move their bodies!"
Some important dates are coming up. The first is my FaVoRiTe holiday- Independence Day!!! Yes, that is my favorite holiday. Mostly because I have very fond memories of the day, always a family day, and I love patriotism. Maybe I'll elaborate on that more on another post Friday.
We have a few ideas of what we'll be doing Saturday but haven't made a decision yet. Waiting to hear about some details of one choice before we nail it down. Regardless there is going to be FIRE, MARSHMALLOWS, HOTDOGS and of course FIREWORKS. 'Nuff said.
Another important date coming up is my due date. Kieran (Pumpkin) was due July 9th. Lately I've really been thinking about where I'd be if I hadn't miscarried them. Wondering who they'd be, what they would've looked like, if they would've been another GIRL (or perhaps that first boy) and just envisioning how round and uncomfortable I would've been but loving it anyway. I'm sad but not depressed about it. It's a quiet sad, not a bawling-my-eyes-out horrible wretchedness.
Zoe is not a replacement baby (in fact, she was an unexpected surprise after m/c and fertility issues!). I know some people think that women try to get pregnant immediately following a loss to "replace" the one they lost. But it's not true. That little one was unique and you will forever carry their dates in your heart, wondering who they could've been. Their memory and brief existence isn't diminished the moment you become pregnant with another sweet life.
Little Kieran, I'll probably write a post for you on your due date. But wanted you to know that I do think of you everyday and am already counting down the days to when we would've and could've met. Love Forever, Mommy