Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Long time, no see!

Exactly 53 days since the miscarriage AF finally came. Eight stinking weeks of torture and wondering and waiting. And it's finally over, finally at an end. I feel a mixture of relief, for being able to move on, and of sadness because I should've been 15 weeks pregnant by now.

But I'm doing good. I'm not in pain or anything. I'm trying to allow myself to feel emotions in the moment, instead of what I think I should be feeling. Grieving can take a long time.

And of course I'm thinking about how I got pregnant with Bumble Bee immediately after my first cycle with my previous miscarriage. How Bumble Bee was born within days of the date I found out I was pregnant with the little one I miscarried. Wow, that is kind of a confusing statement but you get it, I hope.

Anyway, still staying focused on working out and changing my life. I am a person of little self control in certain areas, which is probably my weakest attribute. I have to stay motivated. I have to change. I'm known to change my mind like the wind changes direction. While I do want another baby, I also want to change who I am.

And like I said before, if it happens then it'll happen and we'll be blessed and ecstatic! But for now I'm waiting for the numbers on the scale to go down before actively getting on the TTC Bandwagon again. If I can reach HALF my goal before the springtime then I'll totally jump back on.

1 comment:

The Mommy said...

First, I'm glad that you are doing so well.
Second, you are very brave to put all of your body measurements up! You are really losing some inches!!!