Friday, October 31, 2008

The test results are in...

Well it's Halloween day! Daniel and I had a lot of errands to run today. We went to the bank, H.obby L.obby, few other stores. I told Daniel we have to go to the pharmacy and pick up a test. He was adamantly against it.

He told me it'd be a waste of money and time. But being a resourceful woman I went and got one anyway, not very hopeful but needing to know! I make a little spending money from church so I used that to get my tests.

And here are the results....

Dying to know, aren't you?

A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I'm shaking. Daniel isn't home right now and I don't know how I'll tell him. I think he might cry or laugh or something. He probably won't even believe it!!!!!!!

HOW AM I GOING TO KEEP THIS SECRET?! I want to tell the world!!!

I think it'd be fun to wait until Thanksgiving (make sure risk of miscarriage is pretty nil) and say, "I'm thankful for......... a new baby!"

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! I am so stinking excited I want to puke!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pregnant or Not?! That is STILL the question!

I have not tested! I saw Vix' comment on my last post wondering about some sort of news and forgot to even mention anything!!! I've been trying to stay off the computer more, which means less blog-time.

Anywho, I don't have a test on hand. I'm picking one up tomorrow. Already 3 days late (if you count it being past midnight! HA!). Was due the 28th and here we are on the 31st.

So... *fingers crossed* I don't really read into symptoms so I am not going to list anything because it's just grasping for straws. BUT I will say this--- a few times I've gone to the restroom (TMI WARNING) I thought AF was starting and when I went to wipe it was just slick (told you it was TMI). EWCM! Like an abundance. No blood. Don't know what that means. It's been so long since I've had normal amounts of EWCM that I don't remember if I get that before AF or not. Not a good indicator of pregnancy but somewhat hopeful!

Sorry to keep everyone in suspense! Just wait a few more hours!!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

We have an egg!

Or did... I guess posting this a few days ago would be more consistent. Anywho, ever since Bumble Bee was born I haven't had any EWCM (egg white cervical mucous--- oh yeah, this is a fun post! With lots of info I'm sure my older sister would rather not hear... LOL!).

But a few days ago, on the cycle I stopped trying and began focusing on exercise, on the cycle that I did NOT take Clomid, on the cycle that I finally felt like I didn't want another baby--- I had EWCM on my own. And a LOT of it. I was actually jumping up and down in the bathroom, pants around the ankles... go ahead and picture it and laugh at my expense! I'm a person who loves to laugh at themself!!!

Daniel and I were doing the normal, healthy thing and just BDing when we want. So needless to say we did around that special time of the month (nope, not AF... the other special time! O time!).

Our anniversary is October 30th. AF is due the 28th. Which means I can test before our anniversary and be able to tell him... That is, if God has finally decided to let this happen! Since I probably will forget to post, or you may not come in here everyday for an update before our anniversary, let's brainstorm some cool ways to break the news to Daniel! I've always wanted to tell him in a special way. Not just running out of the bathroom and flashing the test in his face!

Eek, trying to not get excited here. But I've always wanted to get pregnant around a special holiday to make it even more special to share. The one time I did get to share great news in a great way, I miscarried. Butterfly wore a "I'm a Big Sister- 2006" shirt that I hand painted to my inlaws' house. I think I actually threw that shirt away after the miscarriage.

My other two pregnancies- well with Butterfly we were young and unwed so telling family wasn't exactly easy to do. Not fun in any way. With Bumble Bee I was so terrified of miscarring again that I took Anne and Lindee (MIL) aside and told them to pray. Nothing really special by telling them with fear filling my eyes with tears.

So hoping that when we do get pregnant, whether it is now or in a few months, that it's around our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years--- whatever!

But I am also hoping that my other SIL gets pregnant before me or with me. She's older [than me], has been battling some fertility and psychological issues and I don't want her to get another blow. Anne and I were pregnant together for all three of my pregnancies (two of Anne's, remember I lost one! My baby was due a week before Buddy was due but went to Heaven). And now her SIL is pregnant again and I don't want to be that person she resents if it happens again for me before her. It's a mess, I know. But I know what it feels like to get "the blow" when someone close becomes pregnant when you're trying so hard.

I digress... or I guess I wasn't digressing. I just want this SIL to get pregnant and I don't mind if she does at all before me. It's definitely NOT a contest! I will probably cry tears of JOY for them. I went as far (because of her conditions) as offering to be her surrogate. I did think long and hard about it. I know there would've been psychological testing involved, etc. I spoke to many people about it and they were supportive so I approached my SIL about it. But she wanted to try on her own first, obviously.

So please keep them in your prayers if you remember. This is Daniel's brother and his wife.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dear Mr. Blanks

My legs are shaky, I can barely walk... they feel like Jell-O... Those bootcamp videos are butt-kicking! PHEW! I bought Abs Bootcamp and Ultimate Bootcamp. I could NOT finish either of them. I did the Abs one the other day and my abs HURT (even to breathe) for two full days after.

I did Ultimate today and I felt like I was going to collapse in the shower afterwards. I have to tell you, though, that working out feels SO good. I've always loved working out. In fact, I used to walk everywhere and I had the cutest butt ever. Seriously! I once caught Daniel looking as we were walking up the stairs at church. I had these cool dragons appliqued onto the back pockets and he swears up and down, to this day, that he was looking at the dragons! I ain't never seen NO man look at dragons THAT way!

Anyway I feel good and energetic. I hope this motivation lasts so you guys don't stop pumping me up! I have to admit I'm incredibly driven right now to lose weight. I've been fine with not being pregnant but this last cycle was the last straw and now I can barely make myself go into the pregnancy forums that I lead.

But there are many reasons I'm driven right now.

1). I HAVE to lose weight! I don't want to end up like some people I've known, including my mom. Diabetes runs in the family and while my insulin/glucose are normal right now I'm worried that with PCOS diagnosis my chances are higher.

2). Seeing old pictures of myself, getting out my old jeans (I still have my dragon jeans!). I used to be a size 6! Now I can't even fit my thigh into the opening of my dragon jeans (totally kidding... I can kind of get it in there! Okay, kidding again...).

3). I want a baby. Butterfly asks me every single night now. I don't talk about babies, except to mention Aunt Anne's new baby. Butterfly tells me, "Aunt Anne has a baby in her tummy like you?" Then I have to explain that I don't have one but she is still very confused. And tonight she told me to send Bumble Bee away and have a new baby. GREEEEEAT! I had to explain how we don't get rid of one another.

Butterfly gets very hurt by this. After having a chat with her tonight about why Mommy is exercising and waiting to have a baby, she whispered, "I keep askin' Jebus for a baby, Momma." It near breaks my heart!