Friday, August 29, 2008

Chortling

I have to chortle at my new little "blog description" (seen above under the blog title). Yes, I used the word chortle (remind you of Mom, Jewels?). Anyway........ staying positive to GET positive! How thrilling is that?! I think I watch too much Anne of Green Gables. I just noticed I say "thrilling" a lot!

I cannot wait for the morning when I can POAS and it finally has two lines. But then I know I'll start to worry and think up every worst-case-scenario of what could go wrong... a mother truly never stops worrying!

On other news... I have to admit I like Stargate Atlantis better than Stargate SG-1. How crazy is that? I never thought that'd happen. I'm a loyal person. I am loyal to my beliefs and morals and my tastes. I felt that I'd be loyal to SG-1 because they were the original and Atlantis is the spinoff. But I have to admit I love it! I'm also surprised that I love the characters. I expected them to be carbon copies of the SG-1 guys but they're NOT! They're so different and so refreshing.

Don't get me wrong! I still love my SG-1 guys. But after Season 8 everything changed and the characters aren't as good as they were in the beginning.

Anyone lost yet? What the heck is Joy smoking now?! Don't worry, I am clean! I have just become a crazed, obsessed sci-fi nut over the course of a few months. And since Daniel doesn't want to watch any tonight I'm stuck having to blog about it!

Alrighty, I'm off to BEG Daniel to watch at least one episode, take my CLOMID (yay, CD5), and get some beauty sleep......!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

So here we are...

Now that I've created this blog I'm in panic mode thinking, "Now what do I talk about?!" I highly doubt it will be 100% possible to talk about nothing but my eggs and all-things-TTC! And hopefully this will turn into a pregnancy and newborn blog before I know it!

When I think about pregnancy I have to remind myself of all the horrors associated with it and with having a newborn. And even though it's enough to make me want to hyperventilate, I know that I've done it before and I can do it again.

And do you want to know a secret? I would be absolutely delighted if we did have twins. They don't run in either of our families but ever since I was a little girl (like 6 y/o), stuffing my shirt to give myself a "pregnant belly" while I played house, I was obsessed with twins.

I swore up-and-down that I was a mermaid, kidnapped from my mer-family and that I had a twin somewhere out there. I would even take this large seashell and use it like a phone to speak with my mer-mom.



It is said that left-handed people were once twins but their twin "vanished" in the womb before it could be detected on ultrasound (Vanishing Twin Syndrome---yes, it has a name!). Usually when an ultrasound is taken in later pregnancy you can see a dark spot of where the old sac had been...

I am left-handed.

I'm telling you! I probably had a twin or something. I always felt like a part of me was missing, that there was supposed to be someone out there that looked like me. I would even stare up at the sky at night, wondering if they were out there somewhere... I was a very imaginative child. That is probably why writing is so therepeutic and perfect for me.

Anyway, I know I can be a stress-case sometimes and that having children is difficult and demanding. It's hard when you have one at a time, but two?! I don't know, there's just something so unique and special about it. Even though it might be more difficult (or it might be the opposite and be way easier, as I've heard from moms of multiples) it seems like something that I'd love to do!

Children have always been something I've wanted. As a pre-teen I babysat and watched all the little neighbor children. I was even a preschool teacher for a semester in highschool! I absolutely love kids. And now that my hormone levels are back on track, I FEEL so much better, less stressed, and a ton happier. Just ask Jewels (my sister)! There is a very marked change in who I am, for which I'm very grateful.

Now I'm just rambling on........ I'll be blessed and content with whatever God gives me (and He does what is best anyway, whether it's one or more). But if you remember, a while ago I wrote about how God gave me a word that he has "a promise of life" for me so I'm not letting go of the promise but clinging to it fervently!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The TTC Journey began...

Sunny Side Up... what does that mean? What is this blog about? What do I expect to gain from being able to privately let my thoughts wander anywhere I want them to go?!

Long story short--- I have 2 daughters who were conceived naturally, one miscarriage between them, and a new development of PCOS since my youngests' birth.

Eggs; Sunny Side Up is on the menu. I'm putting the order in, hoping that the Master Chef (AKA God) will take my order. Order, that's a weird word. Say that about 10 times in your head, or aloud if you're brave, and it will just blur together...

I digress...

I want the eggs sunny side up--- I want things to be positive, fun, relaxing, thrilling in this TTC journey! What is happier than a sunny little yoke sitting in a bed of white fluffiness? Actually I think eggs are disgusting! The eggs I'm talking about are the sweet little follicles that carry the DNA makeup to create half a human being.

So does this mean I can liken hashbrowns to swimmers, sperm, sailors... whatever your preferred word!? Because you know hashbrowns and eggs go together...

So far we've been trying for 11 months now. I hope that this cycle of Clomid will be the winner! This is our 2nd try on Clomid. Last cycle my progesterone was at 12.8 (means I ovulated!) but I ovulated later than I thought I would and we did not BD (baby dance = sex) on those days.

Come along with me, down this path of the unknown and uncertainties. I'm new to the world of infertility after being very fertile. It's sad, scary, humiliating, and often times depressing and anger-inducing. And that's why I want my eggs SUNNY SIDE UP!