Last night, after I posted, Daniel came home and his mom decided to come over and help me with the girls. I feel like such a defective piece of crap, excuse the language. Anyway, she had me lay down with my hips propped up on pillows. That actually helped stop the bleeding long before I got the prescription.
The blood itself was dark red and pink, it was not bright red. No clots, no cramps, no back pain. So I actually did not have any of the regular symptoms associated with miscarriage.
The worst part was that I was expecting this. I never voiced this, though, because I believe in speaking LIFE, not death, so I kept this in my secret heart. I kept waiting for week 6 because I felt something was going to happen. When I got my progesterone results back I was incredibly concerned and knew it was going to get worse, not better. I just KNEW that something would happen before Thursday and that if we waited until Thursday it would be too late.
When I had finished writing my lab result post and after messing around on the computer some more, I got up to go pee. Before I even got to the restroom I said to myself, "I'm bleeding... I know it!" And sure enough, I was. I started whimpering and bawling and my little girls kept saying, "You cry?" I kept trying to stop so they wouldn't see me like that. I just told them I didn't feel good, which wasn't a lie.
I threw the u.ndies on the dryer and poured hydrogen peroxide all over them (which my husband AND MIL saw later when they were helping finish up the laundry for me--- so embarassing, but oh well! They both saw me in all my glory when I gave birth to Bumble Bee).
It pays to trust your instincts. My instincts are right about 90% of the time and even though I was getting excited and staying positive there was a dark place in my mind that I tried to stay away from. But I'm very glad to say that the quick action on the on-call doctor's part may have helped save this little one's life.
And if this little one has already passed then I can only keep glorifying God or pray He brings the little one back to life. I don't think it is coincidence that the names I currently have picked out are CAIDEN (which means SPIRIT OF BATTLE) or ZOE (which means LIFE).
So if you're a little Caiden, please keep fighting and don't give up!
And if you're a little Zoe, please oh please live up to your sweet name and LIVE!
I just put a call in to my regular doctor and am waiting to hear back to see if an ultrasound is in order or if we'll just do the blood test Thursday. I'd prefer an ultrasound where I can see the little heart beating away. But I'll wait to see what they have to say.