In 2006 I found out I was pregnant and due in November. I lost that baby at around 6 weeks.
My mom's deathiversary is tomorrow, November 15th.
And today, on November 14th I'm told my HCG plummeted to 3,000 (from almost 7,000) but my progesterone is 175. My doctor didn't want to say that I was miscarrying because she felt it could go either way. That the drop in progesterone caused a drop in HCG and because I'm supplemented now it may rise again.
Monday is yet another blood draw, and Wednesday an ultrasound.
There are no words to express how I feel and I'm sure if you saw how raw my face was you'd have an inkling. I was ready to stop trying, to move on with the next chapter in my life and out of nowhere I get pregnant and was so elated. Nothing could wipe the smile from my face until now. Have I given up? No because there is always hope. But I'm completely frustrated and angry and I just want to see into my body, to see what is going on.
When I think there are no more tears another torrent comes. I know the pills are helping me to cry a lot more easily and I wish I didn't feel like my heart was breaking. I know I can handle a loss but I keep thinking of Butterfly and how excited she was. What am I going to do? What if something happens? What am I going to say to this little girl who prayed to Jesus almost every night for a brother?
I'm off to do some research in hopes of finding hope. Regardless of what I find I know our God is a God of miracles. He can do anything and right now I'm asking Him to show us mercy and breathe life into this body.