Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Eager to hear the results..?!?!?!?!

Well I am, too!

Yup, they never called.

Bummer! Okay, more than "bummer". I'm one ticked off lady. Perhaps the results just didn't come in. I don't think they put a rush on this one because it was a lady I had never seen before (a lab tech instead of a nurse) who took my blood. She probably didn't realize that this particular information was crucial.

Oh well. I don't even want to feel bummed out so I'm going to distract myself. At least there will be an ultrasound tomorrow. I have butterflies DANCING in my stomach. I keep envisioning two scenerios.

In the first scenerio the screen is turned away from me. Then the tech turns it toward me with a grin and says, "We have a heartbeat!"

In the second scenerio the room is eerily silent. The screen is kept turned away the entire time. Then the tech leaves the room to go get a doctor... which is always bad news.

I keep pushing the second scenerio away.

Part of me is actually relieved to not get the beta results. It's one more day of being ignorant to what is going on. One more day of blissful ignorance.

On another note, I've been meaning to tell you guys about something but I keep forgetting. The night that I got the results that my HCG plummeted I was bawling and incredibly upset. I went up to my room, just wanted everyone to leave me alone.

Well Daniel's mom called and as she was talking to Daniel I kept thinking in my mind, "It's a miscarriage all over again. God didn't save that baby. He didn't save my mom. WHY would He help me out this time? It doesn't matter how hard I beg and plead, He'll do what He wants!"

As I was ranting in my mind, my MIL told Daniel to give me the following verse. She felt it was from God and she had NO IDEA what was going on in my mind. Read and be amazed...

18 "Do not call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past. 19 "Behold, I will do something new. Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.
-Isaiah 43:18

Doesn't it make you just want to cry? I'm crying just remembering it. Little, insignificant me, arguing with the God of the Universe in my mind... He cares enough to send this message through someone I care about. Does it not just amaze you?! It's things like this that give me hope. It is things like this that make me believe I'll see a heartbeat tomorrow.

When Daniel came upstairs and said, "I have a verse for you that God gave my mom..." I actually rolled my eyes, crossed my arms, and hung my head waiting. At that point I was all cried-out. But the moment he opened his mouth to read I just burst into more tears. How can I ignore such a powerful and clear message? It still amazes me to think about! This was speaking DIRECTLY to my current thoughts and wasn't just a verse that was chosen by someone who THOUGHT it might help. It was God speaking! Amazing!


Monkey's Momma said...

That is amazing! I feel that everything will be fine, Joy. Praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts today. Let us know!

Sugar and Ice said...

Hoping for scenario 1!!

Andrea said...

That really is amazing. Thanks for sharing it :-)

Mel said...

Ugh... your doctor's office is SO fired. Seriously.
The verse from your mother in law is really amazing. God speaks so often and so many of us are just so self absorbed to listen! I am so glad he is speaking to you right now. I am still praying. ;)

Ris said...

that is awesome. I love it when that happens! When you have a bad day and pick up where you left off in your bible and it's EXACTLY what you needed to hear that day.

Anonymous said...

That is beautiful! Did Lindee know the HCG levels had gone down, or did she just feel compelled by the Lord to share that verse?
I have been praying for you and thinking of you all day.....I will call you this afternoon to see how it went.
I am so glad God had some wisdom and comfort for you during that confusing and painful time.

Anonymous said...

P.S. I was just looking at your baby names on the sidebar..... Caiden, meaning "spirit of battle", makes me think of the battle you have gone through to get this baby and now to sustain this pregnancy.
AND... Zoe, meaning "life" and "a promise of God", makes me think of the Scriptures the Lord has revealed to you so far during this pregnancy. Scriptures to give you hope, peace, reassurance and comfort.
I'm gonna give you my opinion of names (you KNEW that was coming!!!)----keep Caiden and Zoe and throw out the other possible names! ha ha ha ha ha....