Now that I've created this blog I'm in panic mode thinking, "Now what do I talk about?!" I highly doubt it will be 100% possible to talk about nothing but my eggs and all-things-TTC! And hopefully this will turn into a pregnancy and newborn blog before I know it!
When I think about pregnancy I have to remind myself of all the horrors associated with it and with having a newborn. And even though it's enough to make me want to hyperventilate, I know that I've done it before and I can do it again.
And do you want to know a secret? I would be absolutely delighted if we did have twins. They don't run in either of our families but ever since I was a little girl (like 6 y/o), stuffing my shirt to give myself a "pregnant belly" while I played house, I was obsessed with twins.
I swore up-and-down that I was a mermaid, kidnapped from my mer-family and that I had a twin somewhere out there. I would even take this large seashell and use it like a phone to speak with my mer-mom.
It is said that left-handed people were once twins but their twin "vanished" in the womb before it could be detected on ultrasound (Vanishing Twin Syndrome---yes, it has a name!). Usually when an ultrasound is taken in later pregnancy you can see a dark spot of where the old sac had been...
I am left-handed.
I'm telling you! I probably had a twin or something. I always felt like a part of me was missing, that there was supposed to be someone out there that looked like me. I would even stare up at the sky at night, wondering if they were out there somewhere... I was a very imaginative child. That is probably why writing is so therepeutic and perfect for me.
Anyway, I know I can be a stress-case sometimes and that having children is difficult and demanding. It's hard when you have one at a time, but two?! I don't know, there's just something so unique and special about it. Even though it might be more difficult (or it might be the opposite and be way easier, as I've heard from moms of multiples) it seems like something that I'd love to do!
Children have always been something I've wanted. As a pre-teen I babysat and watched all the little neighbor children. I was even a preschool teacher for a semester in highschool! I absolutely love kids. And now that my hormone levels are back on track, I FEEL so much better, less stressed, and a ton happier. Just ask Jewels (my sister)! There is a very marked change in who I am, for which I'm very grateful.
Now I'm just rambling on........ I'll be blessed and content with whatever God gives me (and He does what is best anyway, whether it's one or more). But if you remember, a while ago I wrote about how God gave me a word that he has "a promise of life" for me so I'm not letting go of the promise but clinging to it fervently!