Sometimes it feels like your world is crumbling underneath your feet. That when one bad thing happens it causes a domino effect of other bad things to happen...
A week ago my father-in-law went to the doctor thinking they were going to discuss cholesterol and diet but instead he found out he had Malignant Melanoma, aka skin cancer. One of the deadliest and most aggressive cancers.
Other things have also happened this week but are too private to share (and no, they're not about me or my little ones or husband so no worries in that regard) and involve several close family members who desperately need prayer.
This all has been so hard on Daniel. I hate seeing my husband so torn up.
Daniel is a very deep person who feels things with his whole heart and
soul (the good, the bad and the ugly!). Telling my kids about this, and
some other things going on, has been really hard. I want to keep them
innocent as long as possible. But life and death are a part of humanity and is inevitably something that has to be discussed.
I don't want to see them lose their Poppy or see him sick. He is so
amazing and good with his grandchildren. Patient with them, he can put babies to sleep in a snap, willing to sacrifice what he wants to do in order for them to be entertained, takes them on walks. I remember when Elaina was a baby she'd go and take naps with him after church, the only grandbaby (I think?) that would do that with him. I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate his tenderness with his grandchildren and
this is a good reminder to make sure I do tell him... often! And
regardless of the outcome.
And in that regard I am believing and praying for the absolute best outcome for my father-in-law. I am believing that his surgery, that he hopes to have next week, will be successful in keeping him cancer-free and that he won't need chemo that will make him ill. Will you please believe with me?
When it rains it can pour. But God is still on the throne. He is still my Protector, my Provider, my Healer, my Friend. He is a Light that shines through the storm.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
IG Randoms
Been awhile since I shared photos so for those of you who don't follow me on Instagram (@joybellejewelry) here are pictures from the last couple days of the kidlets.
My goofy girl has been refusing letting me take pictures of herself so I caught this one by surprise. Once she realized I took a picture she got upset. Oops!
My Mother's Day crafts from the kids! They did them in secret and all on their own!
The younger two girls ready to go outside and play yesterday!
My eldest sweetheart! In just a few weeks she'll be 8!
My handsome boy. Only a few more weeks of being the baby. He saw his sisters posing for pictures and once they all ran outside and backed up to the fireplace and kept yelling "Cheeeeeese!" He's such a crack-up!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
35 Weeks
We're having a baby next month! It's still surreal to me that a little person is going to be coming out of my belly. It's still surreal that they're going to be so tiny. It just amazes me that there is a person in there and that I will hold them, breastfeed them, care for them day and night. I just cannot wrap my brain around the awesomeness that is conception, pregnancy and birth. It doesn't matter that I've given birth four times already. Each experience is so new and amazing! And each child is a new gift. I cannot tell you how incredibly ecstatic I am to finally find out if we have a new son or daughter, to name them, to put them in little itty bitty teeny tiny pink or blue clothes!!! My midwife is getting pumped, too, and exclaimed, "It's like Christmas!" at my last appointment this past week. She's excited we waited to find out the gender, too.
Nesting is in full gear. I do have my days where I just kind of sit there and think of all the things I should be doing or need to do but having zero motivation. I call it 'exhaustion'. You may have heard of it!
I get breathless easily, I eat like a toddler (graze little bits here and there all day rather than regular meals) and my feet have gotten a little puffy. I can't walk more than a few blocks before having to go pee (again). My belly is enormous and no, I'm not just saying that and no, it doesn't bother me. It's not a negative. It's absolutely amazing to me how the uterus grows in size and how our skin can accommodate the growth! Stretchmarks rock and I don't mind them in the least.
I've gained 20-lbs even thus far. Not too shabby! Considering I gained like 50-60-lbs with Elaina I'd say that's pretty darn awesome. I think I gained 24-lbs with Abigail. I don't even remember the last two pregnancy weight gains so don't ask. I think I stopped paying attention when baby weight didn't come off after their births and thus started each new pregnancy heavier than the time before.
Anyway back to the nesting bit. I'm kind of getting overwhelmed by it all. Daniel has a list of projects he wants done before baby comes but can only work on a couple on the weekends. We're having our brother-in-law renovate our first-floor bathroom (which we've never even used in the 7 years we've lived here because it's always been a gutted mess!) and he's feeling the pressure of baby's due date as well. He really wants to have our bathroom done for us before baby comes (awww, so sweet!). But he, also, can only work on the weekend for a bit. I am so grateful to these two men for trying so hard to make it easier on me! They're rockstars! I appreciate that they're devoting as much time as they can and cannot wait to see all the finished projects.
My projects include a lot of decluttering and organizing, which I've done in spurts. And my older kids are growing so fast that I've gone through their clothes about 2-3 times now (weather changes helped with that). I've gotten to the point that I don't even think about it anymore. If it has been sitting around, unused, for a year or more it is gone. Buh-bye! If it is ripped, stained in the slighest or just plain ugly it is tossed. Ain't nobody got time for that!!!
I wanted to paint my upstairs bathroom but alas I'm not sure it will happen before the birth. We will see! Maybe if I close my jewelry shop earlier than I originally wanted I will have the time to focus on what I want to get done. I will be posting pictures here of the first-floor bathroom transformation (from gutted to gorgeous!) once it is done and if I paint the second floor bathroom I'll post Before-and-After pictures of that as well.
Tonight I also started putting all of my birth items in a laundry basket. My midwife suggested I put everything together and keep it in my room (that's where we plan to set up the birth tub). Along with the birth kit I purchased from InHisHands.com I also need to grab a roll of paper towels, Kleenex, washcloths, bath towels, ammonia, drinking straws, snacks, nightgown for me, diapers and an outfit for baby, etc. Just all the little things we may need and want to have at-the-ready. It's fun piecing it together because it makes everything more real and I daydream about the birth.
Nesting is in full gear. I do have my days where I just kind of sit there and think of all the things I should be doing or need to do but having zero motivation. I call it 'exhaustion'. You may have heard of it!
I get breathless easily, I eat like a toddler (graze little bits here and there all day rather than regular meals) and my feet have gotten a little puffy. I can't walk more than a few blocks before having to go pee (again). My belly is enormous and no, I'm not just saying that and no, it doesn't bother me. It's not a negative. It's absolutely amazing to me how the uterus grows in size and how our skin can accommodate the growth! Stretchmarks rock and I don't mind them in the least.
I've gained 20-lbs even thus far. Not too shabby! Considering I gained like 50-60-lbs with Elaina I'd say that's pretty darn awesome. I think I gained 24-lbs with Abigail. I don't even remember the last two pregnancy weight gains so don't ask. I think I stopped paying attention when baby weight didn't come off after their births and thus started each new pregnancy heavier than the time before.
Anyway back to the nesting bit. I'm kind of getting overwhelmed by it all. Daniel has a list of projects he wants done before baby comes but can only work on a couple on the weekends. We're having our brother-in-law renovate our first-floor bathroom (which we've never even used in the 7 years we've lived here because it's always been a gutted mess!) and he's feeling the pressure of baby's due date as well. He really wants to have our bathroom done for us before baby comes (awww, so sweet!). But he, also, can only work on the weekend for a bit. I am so grateful to these two men for trying so hard to make it easier on me! They're rockstars! I appreciate that they're devoting as much time as they can and cannot wait to see all the finished projects.
My projects include a lot of decluttering and organizing, which I've done in spurts. And my older kids are growing so fast that I've gone through their clothes about 2-3 times now (weather changes helped with that). I've gotten to the point that I don't even think about it anymore. If it has been sitting around, unused, for a year or more it is gone. Buh-bye! If it is ripped, stained in the slighest or just plain ugly it is tossed. Ain't nobody got time for that!!!
I wanted to paint my upstairs bathroom but alas I'm not sure it will happen before the birth. We will see! Maybe if I close my jewelry shop earlier than I originally wanted I will have the time to focus on what I want to get done. I will be posting pictures here of the first-floor bathroom transformation (from gutted to gorgeous!) once it is done and if I paint the second floor bathroom I'll post Before-and-After pictures of that as well.
Tonight I also started putting all of my birth items in a laundry basket. My midwife suggested I put everything together and keep it in my room (that's where we plan to set up the birth tub). Along with the birth kit I purchased from InHisHands.com I also need to grab a roll of paper towels, Kleenex, washcloths, bath towels, ammonia, drinking straws, snacks, nightgown for me, diapers and an outfit for baby, etc. Just all the little things we may need and want to have at-the-ready. It's fun piecing it together because it makes everything more real and I daydream about the birth.
Me getting ready to leave for my midwife appointment earlier this week!
34-weeks, 3-days
34-weeks, 3-days
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Finally!
I think spring is finally sticking! We're going to the zoo tomorrow (why am I still up?!). We have been playing outside a ton, getting sunshine. Even though I'm beyond uncomfortable most of the time I'm trying to get out there with the kids, go on walks, etc.
As of Friday I'm in week 33! We're just a few days away from May so soon I will be saying, "I'm having a baby NEXT MONTH". It is flying by for everyone else. To me I feel like I've been pregnant for forever. I get a big bump pretty quick but the last week or two it has really started to feel heavy.
Little one rolls and kicks up a storm. My daughters are fascinated watching their little sibling distort my stomach. Sometimes I get a foot that rolls really close to my side and it actually tickles! Most of the time I feel what I believe is the baby's knee at belly-button level. I can almost always poke around my belly button and feel a baby part (and of course baby reacts when I start poking around - so much fun to not have the placenta in the way!).
Baby is starting to not like it when I stamp (Judah was the same way). It's loud. I put a pillow around my belly and tie it on with the tie from my robe. I look ridiculous but it helps a lot and baby calms down. So we're getting close to closing shop up for maternity leave for a bit but I'm trying to make a bunch of pre-made (non custom) jewelry. If you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about check out my ad on the left sidebar for JoyBelleJewelry on Etsy. That is my business and shop! I make and sell the most wonderful stainless steel stamped jewelry and gifts.
Okay end of shameless self-promotion.
Alright if I don't want to be a grouchy lioness myself at the zoo I better go get some shut-eye.
If you're on Instagram find me as @joybellejewelry and you'll hear from me more often, ha!
As of Friday I'm in week 33! We're just a few days away from May so soon I will be saying, "I'm having a baby NEXT MONTH". It is flying by for everyone else. To me I feel like I've been pregnant for forever. I get a big bump pretty quick but the last week or two it has really started to feel heavy.
Little one rolls and kicks up a storm. My daughters are fascinated watching their little sibling distort my stomach. Sometimes I get a foot that rolls really close to my side and it actually tickles! Most of the time I feel what I believe is the baby's knee at belly-button level. I can almost always poke around my belly button and feel a baby part (and of course baby reacts when I start poking around - so much fun to not have the placenta in the way!).
Baby is starting to not like it when I stamp (Judah was the same way). It's loud. I put a pillow around my belly and tie it on with the tie from my robe. I look ridiculous but it helps a lot and baby calms down. So we're getting close to closing shop up for maternity leave for a bit but I'm trying to make a bunch of pre-made (non custom) jewelry. If you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about check out my ad on the left sidebar for JoyBelleJewelry on Etsy. That is my business and shop! I make and sell the most wonderful stainless steel stamped jewelry and gifts.
Okay end of shameless self-promotion.
Alright if I don't want to be a grouchy lioness myself at the zoo I better go get some shut-eye.
If you're on Instagram find me as @joybellejewelry and you'll hear from me more often, ha!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Baby Names
I cannot remember if I ever mentioned the baby names we have picked out. I may have so forgive my tired brain if I'm just repeating myself.
If baby is a girl her name will be Naya (Daniel and I are still debating spelling AND a middle name - name is pronounced just like Mya/Maya but with an "N" so it is nigh-uh). Naya means "Renewal; Refreshed". I like the spelling Naiya has well. Daniel likes Nya. He doesn't like either of my spellings.
If baby is a boy his name will be Silas Daniel. Silas means "Man of the Woods" and it reminds me of Biblical figures who were men of the wilderness (like John the Baptist).
I love both names so much. I cannot wait to birth our baby, pull them to my chest and find out if little Naya or little Silas was the one kicking me all these months.
Several weeks ago a prophetic word was spoken about our baby. They said our baby was a "harbinger of good news". Funnily enough they had NO IDEA what a harbinger even was and neither did we. In the middle of church service someone broke out their phone and snagged the definition:
From Dictionary.com:
har·bin·ger:
If baby is a girl her name will be Naya (Daniel and I are still debating spelling AND a middle name - name is pronounced just like Mya/Maya but with an "N" so it is nigh-uh). Naya means "Renewal; Refreshed". I like the spelling Naiya has well. Daniel likes Nya. He doesn't like either of my spellings.
If baby is a boy his name will be Silas Daniel. Silas means "Man of the Woods" and it reminds me of Biblical figures who were men of the wilderness (like John the Baptist).
I love both names so much. I cannot wait to birth our baby, pull them to my chest and find out if little Naya or little Silas was the one kicking me all these months.
Several weeks ago a prophetic word was spoken about our baby. They said our baby was a "harbinger of good news". Funnily enough they had NO IDEA what a harbinger even was and neither did we. In the middle of church service someone broke out their phone and snagged the definition:
From Dictionary.com:
har·bin·ger:
noun
1. a person who goes ahead and makes known the approach of another; herald.
2. anything that foreshadows a future event; omen; sign
Considering the names and the meanings behind them I thought that was a pretty cool word. There was more to it but I need to ask Daniel to refresh my memory. I think they may have recorded the service so I want to ask. My brain feels like such a muddle mess with all I have going on so it wasn't that it was a bad word or not memorable to say the least - it was REALLY cool so I want to recall the entirety of it.
Then we were given another word during a special worship and prayer service we did recently. I was told this baby was going to be a sweetness to me in a new, special way that I had never experienced before. That wasn't to say my others weren't sweet because they all have been! So that was pretty exciting. Each new life is so precious and unique. I love thinking of my baby as a messenger of good news as well as a big, cuddly ball of sweetness!!!
Considering the names and the meanings behind them I thought that was a pretty cool word. There was more to it but I need to ask Daniel to refresh my memory. I think they may have recorded the service so I want to ask. My brain feels like such a muddle mess with all I have going on so it wasn't that it was a bad word or not memorable to say the least - it was REALLY cool so I want to recall the entirety of it.
Then we were given another word during a special worship and prayer service we did recently. I was told this baby was going to be a sweetness to me in a new, special way that I had never experienced before. That wasn't to say my others weren't sweet because they all have been! So that was pretty exciting. Each new life is so precious and unique. I love thinking of my baby as a messenger of good news as well as a big, cuddly ball of sweetness!!!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Single-Digit Countdown
This past Friday I hit 31-weeks. Down to single-digit countdown (week-wise anyway) BUT of course estimated due dates are *estimates* and just an approximation of when baby could arrive. Could still be over 10 weeks away. Elaina guessed baby would come 10 days after her birthday (which makes her guess the 14th, my EDD, LOL!). We shall see!
Saw the midwife today and all is well. Baby's heart rate has been consistently on the low side (120's-130's) but is strong and perfect with "great variance" as my midwife said today.
The other night I felt this large, round ball at the top of my uterus and I'm pretty sure baby was breech. By "large" I mean larger than an elbow or a knee for certain, maybe baseball sized or so. I have never felt anything like that before! When I woke up the next morning they had turned back down. Today my midwife confirmed baby was still head-down. Praying baby stays put!
It was not very comfortable for me at all when baby was in breech position so perhaps it wasn't comfortable for baby either and that is why he/she turned. It was as though I couldn't stretch enough to give them room. I'm short and there's not much room.
Baby likes to push out right at my belly button. I almost always feel a hard little body part there (knee and the leg). Baby gets lots of hiccups! Today the hiccups seemed endless. When I am driving baby decides to "dance" and wiggle and squirm. Remember that I mentioned that this is the first pregnancy I have had where the placenta wasn't in the front blocking most movements so I am feeling this baby like I've never felt my others - it's crazy awesome!!! My belly distorts with their movement. I feel a body part or movement almost constantly.
I'm starting to notice a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. They are definitely noticeable and intense but not painful. They get me excited to be quite honest! I'm actually having one at the moment which reminded me to mention them here.
So there's a little update since it's been awhile! I'm off to bed to catch some Zzz's (however many I can get - seems I have been having fitful sleep the past week or two).
Saw the midwife today and all is well. Baby's heart rate has been consistently on the low side (120's-130's) but is strong and perfect with "great variance" as my midwife said today.
The other night I felt this large, round ball at the top of my uterus and I'm pretty sure baby was breech. By "large" I mean larger than an elbow or a knee for certain, maybe baseball sized or so. I have never felt anything like that before! When I woke up the next morning they had turned back down. Today my midwife confirmed baby was still head-down. Praying baby stays put!
It was not very comfortable for me at all when baby was in breech position so perhaps it wasn't comfortable for baby either and that is why he/she turned. It was as though I couldn't stretch enough to give them room. I'm short and there's not much room.
Baby likes to push out right at my belly button. I almost always feel a hard little body part there (knee and the leg). Baby gets lots of hiccups! Today the hiccups seemed endless. When I am driving baby decides to "dance" and wiggle and squirm. Remember that I mentioned that this is the first pregnancy I have had where the placenta wasn't in the front blocking most movements so I am feeling this baby like I've never felt my others - it's crazy awesome!!! My belly distorts with their movement. I feel a body part or movement almost constantly.
I'm starting to notice a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. They are definitely noticeable and intense but not painful. They get me excited to be quite honest! I'm actually having one at the moment which reminded me to mention them here.
So there's a little update since it's been awhile! I'm off to bed to catch some Zzz's (however many I can get - seems I have been having fitful sleep the past week or two).
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
In the Dumps - Homeschool Update
Okay so I sat here for quite a long time before writing this. Not really sure what to say or how to say it but... I got the school blues! I get so pumped up and have so many visions for the year before it begins. And then the hum-drums set in.
Being a teacher is not my strength. I get impatient, I think of all the other things I need to do in the back of my mind (I run my own business from home - not to mention the cooking, cleaning, pets, errands, bills to pay, etc.), I get tired or just plain don't feel good. Then I start to feel bad that I didn't have some grand activity or field trip planned (seriously don't desire to drag four kids out in the snow at 7-months-pregnant - hurry spring, hurry!!!). I am trying to muster the energy up to even make breakfast, much less plan trips all over the city and state. When I gestate, I hibernate. I kind of pull inward. Don't want to deal with people, don't want to go anywhere. And then I feel terribly guilty. My kids still get out and go places but not as often as I envisioned when we started this voyage.
School time is loud. I'm pulled in half-a-dozen directions. I send Elaina to the couch to work quietly and her brother jumps up there to attack her with hugs and kisses while I'm trying to keep Zoe happy and teach Abigail how to read. I bought Zoe so many manipulatives, books and things for her to do during school time but all she wants to do is fight for attention. I feel myself losing what little patience I have very early on in the day.
The kids lean on their chairs and poke each other and my toddler daughter will reach over and draw a huge line down one of her sister's work. Judah is screaming at me and clutching my leg, asking me for a snack for the millionth time. Zoe chimes in for a snack... then Abigail. Elaina knows better than to prod the Momma Bear and just waits, knowing snack time is at a set time. Then I look over and Judah has toddled off and is climbing up on my desk to grab my scissors (the scissors, stapler, etc. have now been moved to the top of my tall bookcase). I give them a snack for a 15-minute respite so I can actually have a discussion about sea life with Elaina.
Don't even get me started on my "record keeping". I have notes stacked on the desk that I need to input into my tracker (it tallies up all the credits for me). My state requires I keep a record of the school hours and a portfolio of work - at least I'm good on the portfolio. That part is easy!
Instead lots of reading and Lego-building goes on. Lots of little stories played out with dolls and Barbies. When the weather actually cooperates the kids pretend they are making mud pies and running a household and run around the yard getting super muddy and tiring themselves. And those things are nice. Those are more calm moments. But I still want them to learn grammar, handwriting and geography. I am not good at incorporating these subjects into play in a comprehensible sense. Some people have that gift and others, like me, buy self-propelled curriculum in the hopes we can dodge the hoopla of planning every educational moment.
I tell myself it is the first year so be easy on yourself. But I can't help but think that I'm doing it all wrong. I'm feeling pretty down about it and wanting to give up. I read so many homeschool blogs and the moms seem to have it all together. They have fun crafts and experiments planned out and it's just not my thing. Sorry but it's not! Every now and again I'll get the itch and do something totally awesome. But it is rare. I know, I know - don't covet and all that jazz.
There isn't some profound message here in this post where you get to the end where I make a grand point and you say to yourself, "Wow, makes total sense! I feel much better about my own journey!" Nope, this is what you get. All me, all real. I don't have the answers. I'm just honestly not enjoying schooling right now.
I love my babies, so so so much! Don't ever get me wrong there. I'm just painting a picture of a typical day and why I'm burning out. This time is so fleeting. These moments so precious. And I feel like I'm wasting them and that my hormones are wreaking havoc on everything I try to build up in my children.
I see the moms who are dressed and ready to tackle the day the moment their children rise and I'm a zombie until about 11AM. I know the perfect mom doesn't exist. I know this person I have built up in my mind probably doesn't exist. But I at least want to do better and strive to be more like her. Ready, emotionally and mentally present, lessons planned and children content. I don't know what it will take to get there or get closer to there but I'm trying. I'm changing it up, trying to figure out how to make it work.
This is what I'm going to try tomorrow:
-Prayer time is FIRST
-Everyone is going to take 10-15 to go get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth and be at the table for instruction, including Momma!
-Elaina is now going to work at the desk, Abigail at the dining table, for seat work
-Going to set a timer for Zoe for snack time
-Going to talk to Zoe about giving me 10 minutes to get her sisters set up for their lesson and then I will read to her and Judah; will have her pick out books during that time
-Potty break will happen for everyone right before snack time (we will have a first floor bathroom before summer so that will be helpful as they can go alone, they just don't want to go UPSTAIRS to the bathroom, alone)
I think it sounds like a plan! Sometimes writing all this out really helps one come up with new ideas and an action plan. I'm not ready to give up, no siree!
Being a teacher is not my strength. I get impatient, I think of all the other things I need to do in the back of my mind (I run my own business from home - not to mention the cooking, cleaning, pets, errands, bills to pay, etc.), I get tired or just plain don't feel good. Then I start to feel bad that I didn't have some grand activity or field trip planned (seriously don't desire to drag four kids out in the snow at 7-months-pregnant - hurry spring, hurry!!!). I am trying to muster the energy up to even make breakfast, much less plan trips all over the city and state. When I gestate, I hibernate. I kind of pull inward. Don't want to deal with people, don't want to go anywhere. And then I feel terribly guilty. My kids still get out and go places but not as often as I envisioned when we started this voyage.
School time is loud. I'm pulled in half-a-dozen directions. I send Elaina to the couch to work quietly and her brother jumps up there to attack her with hugs and kisses while I'm trying to keep Zoe happy and teach Abigail how to read. I bought Zoe so many manipulatives, books and things for her to do during school time but all she wants to do is fight for attention. I feel myself losing what little patience I have very early on in the day.
The kids lean on their chairs and poke each other and my toddler daughter will reach over and draw a huge line down one of her sister's work. Judah is screaming at me and clutching my leg, asking me for a snack for the millionth time. Zoe chimes in for a snack... then Abigail. Elaina knows better than to prod the Momma Bear and just waits, knowing snack time is at a set time. Then I look over and Judah has toddled off and is climbing up on my desk to grab my scissors (the scissors, stapler, etc. have now been moved to the top of my tall bookcase). I give them a snack for a 15-minute respite so I can actually have a discussion about sea life with Elaina.
Don't even get me started on my "record keeping". I have notes stacked on the desk that I need to input into my tracker (it tallies up all the credits for me). My state requires I keep a record of the school hours and a portfolio of work - at least I'm good on the portfolio. That part is easy!
Instead lots of reading and Lego-building goes on. Lots of little stories played out with dolls and Barbies. When the weather actually cooperates the kids pretend they are making mud pies and running a household and run around the yard getting super muddy and tiring themselves. And those things are nice. Those are more calm moments. But I still want them to learn grammar, handwriting and geography. I am not good at incorporating these subjects into play in a comprehensible sense. Some people have that gift and others, like me, buy self-propelled curriculum in the hopes we can dodge the hoopla of planning every educational moment.
I tell myself it is the first year so be easy on yourself. But I can't help but think that I'm doing it all wrong. I'm feeling pretty down about it and wanting to give up. I read so many homeschool blogs and the moms seem to have it all together. They have fun crafts and experiments planned out and it's just not my thing. Sorry but it's not! Every now and again I'll get the itch and do something totally awesome. But it is rare. I know, I know - don't covet and all that jazz.
There isn't some profound message here in this post where you get to the end where I make a grand point and you say to yourself, "Wow, makes total sense! I feel much better about my own journey!" Nope, this is what you get. All me, all real. I don't have the answers. I'm just honestly not enjoying schooling right now.
I love my babies, so so so much! Don't ever get me wrong there. I'm just painting a picture of a typical day and why I'm burning out. This time is so fleeting. These moments so precious. And I feel like I'm wasting them and that my hormones are wreaking havoc on everything I try to build up in my children.
I see the moms who are dressed and ready to tackle the day the moment their children rise and I'm a zombie until about 11AM. I know the perfect mom doesn't exist. I know this person I have built up in my mind probably doesn't exist. But I at least want to do better and strive to be more like her. Ready, emotionally and mentally present, lessons planned and children content. I don't know what it will take to get there or get closer to there but I'm trying. I'm changing it up, trying to figure out how to make it work.
This is what I'm going to try tomorrow:
-Prayer time is FIRST
-Everyone is going to take 10-15 to go get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth and be at the table for instruction, including Momma!
-Elaina is now going to work at the desk, Abigail at the dining table, for seat work
-Going to set a timer for Zoe for snack time
-Going to talk to Zoe about giving me 10 minutes to get her sisters set up for their lesson and then I will read to her and Judah; will have her pick out books during that time
-Potty break will happen for everyone right before snack time (we will have a first floor bathroom before summer so that will be helpful as they can go alone, they just don't want to go UPSTAIRS to the bathroom, alone)
I think it sounds like a plan! Sometimes writing all this out really helps one come up with new ideas and an action plan. I'm not ready to give up, no siree!
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